A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused about giving my ex another chance. We went out for about 10 months but it felt longer. We were an odd couple but ended up being a cute couple we did a lot of things together. Our families loved us. His friends loved me but mine not so much. We even had plans of marriage. But it all ended, we stopped seeing more and more of eachother his effort just stopped. It got me very uu upset. So we were both dwelling with the pain. And its going to be almost a year that we've been trying to work things out. I don't know. i'm stuck . I love him but i'm not his #1 priority when he is mine. Now I know we're too young but I've told him to do him and life life find someone new but he refuses. He only wants me. But he he doesn't put any effort. Its killing me. Now there's another guy that wants a chance but hes backing off just for us. I need help!! :( any advice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (9 May 2012):
 Until you are his number one priority then he is not valuing you. Do not settle for second best. Do not go into the relationship hoping he will change his personality in time. He will not, he will only become more so.
There are many more lovely men out there who will adore and cherish you and make you their number on priority.
This guy may be the man for you one day.
But he does not value what he has now.
Let him grow up a little more. Let him work hard to get you back. And start as you mean to go on. He needs to show that he can focus on you and sustain interest in your and not just fizzle away to nothing because the novelty wore off. Or the effort became too much. Or he's just sick of trying.
I often think that girls choose father material not husband material when choosing a husband. Who wants a father for their children if the guy is not persistent? Who wants a guy who is not motivated to put the energy and focus into being a father. Who wants a selfish father for their children.
And who wants a father for their children devoid of any ambition? How does that stack up as a role model for life. It doesn't.
And think of a father who is too tired to help the mother of his children. Too exhausted that he would rather put his feet up and expect to be waited on hand and foor because he was too tired to bother.
Because if he is disrespectful then the children will emulate the same father figure.
So what do we girls need in a man? One with drive and energy. Willing to support us. Willing to share their feeings with is. Discuss things openly. The motivation to be the best husband they can be.
So that soon helps us focus on things that will be more likely to attract and keep a nice honorable faithful guy like the boy friend with drive, energy, commitment, a real people person and a good conversationalist who will mix well with our friends. who will take pride in sprucing up his yard.
if you re not his number one priority then you certainly do not have to even try to reach his standard.
if you made a list of his 10 best points, the ten things that irritate you the most about him I bet you would not struggle to list the ten things that irritate you the most about him. So after that exercise do you think you might be able to find a guy who is ready for you.
Best wishes
Abella
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