A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:It seems like my boyfriend's life is playing on his xbox or ps3, I dnt understand why he would rather play on that instead of talking to me on the phone etc.Anytime I go to his house he would rather play on his xbox than me?! Is this normal?I'm the one who always has to make the first move and its really fustrating me. Why is he doing this? Am I just wasting my time with him? Does this behaviour show he cares or loves me?And the only time he actually wants to talk to me is when we are going to meet up next, he live 1 hour and 40 minutes away from me and I'm always the one going to see him. Its never been him going to see me even though he's said he would plenty of times. He's 16 and I'm 15 can anyone help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I could see hanging in there with his video game obsession if he was making at least some kind of effort to be with you. It doesn't sound like he's making any effort at all and you're doing all the work. There's other guys out there who won't waste your time and can put the controller down for you (even if it is GT 5).
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 December 2010):
 I'm a girl who has loved gaming since putting my first quarter into Pac-Man and Galaga at the arcade. (Yes, I just dated myself!) I have owned almost every major gaming system since the Atari 2600.
Speaking as a gamer and a wife and mom, the word here is balance, as with any hobby. You can do too much of just about anything that is addictive from shopping to talking on the phone with friends to working on art or music.
The thing about a video game now, especially a role-playing game, is that it is completely consuming when you're into it. Without discipline, the game consumes everything until you beat it. In my younger days, I would play a game until 4am and have to get up an hour and a half later for school or work. A couple of weeks later, and I would beat the game and life would go back to normal. Not so easy with a family, but it helps that everyone in my family loves video games, and it helps much more that we have multiple game systems on multiple TV's and computers.
To reassure you, I know you feel neglected, but it's really a lack of the ability to balance. He's in a current video game and it's consuming him. You need to have a talk with him. What you can do is explain to him how you feel "I know you're into (insert current favorite video game), but I'm feeling a bit neglected here by my boyfriend and feeling like I'm doing all the work for us."
If he doesn't listen and continues to ignore and neglect you, then tell him that you are sorry, but you need someone who's a bit more available. Wish him well, and then part ways. His immaturity is causing this conundrum. Video games are incredible to be sure, but there must be balance and moderation. If he doesn't learn these things, he will be really good at Halo and Fallout and Final Fantasy and Madden Football and Guitar Hero, but he will become extremely lonely.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (8 December 2010):
 He's young and immature and right now, it sounds like he's more interested in time with games and friends than he is interested in having a relationship. Some gaming is fine (after all, a girlfriend shouldn't be his ENTIRE life and a guy's entitled to a little time to unwind, whether it's with sports, books, TV, sleep, video games, whatever), but if he gives it significantly more time than you to the point of complete rudeness, then maybe he hasn't grown up enough yet to make a woman a priority in his life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Yes and No. I am a guy who likes videogames too. It is very normal for guys to play videogames and you have to expect that he will want to play his games. but, he should still pay attention to you. I like playing x-box live but my girlfriend is more important to me. I take time out of my gaming to spend time with her. If you are at his house and he is ignoring you then you need to have a talk with him. dont tell him to stop playing videogames all together but let him know that if he doesnt pay more attention to you that you are going to have to reconsider your relationship with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Thats a generalisation and a half.
Not all men like gaming. Not all boys do.
You find one that shares some interests, and is different in others.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 Yes, and when they get older the answer will still be yes. Boys have hobbies one of them happens to be gaming. In which they can sit their for hours, with their little headsets on blowing up each other in their Call of Duty games. I don't understand it either honey. If you go over there and he's too busy playing his game, not paying attention to you, go home. Hang out with your friends, get hobbies of your own. You're not going to get him off of it no matter how hard you try. Ignore him, let him call you if he wants to see and actually spend time with you.
You might want to rethink this LDR and what you're getting out of it, which isn't much. If he doesn't have the time to spend with you or is choosing his game over you when clearly you need more attention then it's time for a break-up.
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (8 December 2010):
Sometimes guys do enjoy their "game time," but sometimes it gets a little too obsessive. Express to him your concerns and get it in his head that he should put a little more effort to see you. He won't know until you tell him.
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