A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a baby a mo. and a half ago. Lately, I feel like maybe my boyfriend resents the responsibility I have brought upon him. We were friends for like 6 yrs. before we got together and I was dating a friend of his. Well, we were just seeing eachother, he would come to mine and my girlfriend's house and drink like 2-3 times a week. We were having sex every time unprotected, and I would ask him to pull out but he never did. I also told him I wanted a family and all that so he must have known what he was getting himself into. I moved in with him about a month after I found out I was pregnant. Things have been fine until recently. I just feel like he's burnt out on me. He never got girls before, and he;s not very good looking or charming so I figure he;s lucky to have me, and that I wanted a family w/ him because he is 32 and I'm 25. He's a very nice person, not one to ever be rude or anything. But lately he makes kind of rude remarks or will open his eyes really wide when I show him my stomach because since I had the baby I gained weight and I am trying to lose it and he knows I am. I try to look decent, and I'll put on makeup and he says it looks stupid, and that I shouldn't wear it. Then I wonder if he resents me because I stay home with the baby and he works. He's always worked so I don't know why he'd resent that...I'd like a guy's perspective. Do men sort of fall out of love with their woman after they have his baby? I would think the opposite. But I'd like to know why he's acting like this. Thanks.
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male
reader, lumpy  +, writes (26 May 2007):
I think most men worship there s/o more because you have given them the greatest gift they will ever recieve. Your boyfriend is showing all the traits/behaviour of a controling personality!! You have to be more assurtive and strong or else he will strip you of all your self confidence and esteem. This person needs control because of their own insecurities.
A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 i have a 6 month old and have never felt so loved or cared for since he was born. he is the father of my baby and iam the mother of his and this bonds us more than anything else ever could.
i think you should talk to your partner about how he feels. its common for some men to get a culture shock when a baby arrives. its not like women who have it kind of built in to them.
having a baby is also very hard on any relationship so this may be a phase that will pass with good communiation
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): pork hock, you are psycho. why do you care so much that I said he's not very good looking? He isn't & I am just telling the truth. Give me a break. Why would I be with him if I didn't love him for who he is other than his looks? And he never did get women...that's true too. I obviously saw something in him that no one else did. i am not a shallow person. So what if I want to know why he's acting weird. It's not something you should flip out on me for asking for advice, and telling the truth about my situation. I never said 32 was old, I was just implying that by 32 if you want kids, you should do it soon. If it weren't for me, he probably wouldn't have kids. I feel like I gave him a gift & he should be appreciative, not resentful. According to you, me putting makeup on for him and showing him my stomach is me taking advantage of his good nature...you're freakin' nutty. I try to look nice for him...that's not taking advantage of him. And my child does come 1st, that's why I am concerned about our relationship because I want her to have a family that's not broken apart. What is your issue? Can you not bear children? Don't give people advice if all you want to do is bash them for asking a question that concerns them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): pork hock, you are psycho. why do you care so much that I said he's not very good looking? He isn't & I am just telling the truth. Give me a break. Why would I be with him if I didn't love him for who he is other than his looks? And he never did get women...that's true too. I obviously saw something in him that no one else did. i am not a shallow person. So what if I want to know why he's acting weird. It's not something you should flip out on me for asking for advice, and telling the truth about my situation. I never said 32 was old, I was just implying that by 32 if you want kids, you should do it soon. If it weren't for me, he probably wouldn't have kids. I feel like I gave him a gift & he should be appreciative, not resentful. According to you, me putting makeup on for him and showing him my stomach is me taking advantage of his good nature...you're freakin' nutty. I try to look nice for him...that's not taking advantage of him. And my child does come 1st, that's why I am concerned about our relationship because I want her to have a family that's not broken apart. What is your issue? Can you not bear children? Don't give people advice if all you want to do is bash them for asking a question that concerns them.
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A
female
reader, Mystic Moo +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Well my dad didn't fall out of love with my mum when she had me and my sister. They have been happily married for nearly 26 years now. I hope it works out for you two, good luck.
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (26 May 2007):
Yes it does affect your whole relationship having children. Maybe he feels very out of sorts that you are pushing situations, putting on make-up or whatever he comments on, but clearly its different and so it should be for both of you. I find it really unpleasant that you make the comment that he is not good looking or charming and that he is God Forbid so old as 32 years old and you are only 25! Unlike you he could probably bear children until he was in his early 70's, like Charlie Chaplin?
Are you for real? Does it occur to you that he finds you baring your belly something that is detremental to yourself and actually he is embarrassed that you do that. Does it occur to you that he loves you the way you look or are?
Why do you do that? He probably doesn't want you to wear makeup because he probably feels you don't have to put on some sort of cover to make some sort of appearance. Has it occurred to you that he actually likes you or loves you however you look, make up or bearing a belly? Stop behaving like a child, I am sure he is wondering who is the child in his life? He clearly was very open in his dating relationship with you and understood the consequences, what he can't handle or probably tolerate is your behaviour since the baby was born. Grow up and put your child first rather than whether you have enough make up on or you present your belly well enough to him. I know lots of men who have the most life-changing moment of their lives at the birth of their children, so stop putting yourself first and start being a kind person. I find it appauling that you take advantage of his nice nature of not being rude, but terrible that you demene him that he hasn't had a lot of girls, you make him out that he is naive and therefore, what would he know? I am sure he has seen enough of your behaviour, experienced or not, to feel really angry. Men don't go off their partners after a baby, only partner who are selfish and incredibly cruel. Hopefully you will see through his ugly looks (according to you) and see his true nature. You however are ugly and unattractive to me, someone who values human decency.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Certain guys just aren't meant to be in relationships, or have babies, and this sounds like one of them. I personally tend to pick girls that I fall for all over again every time I see them. That's how you know you're in love. If you're really in love, it never gets old. A good guy is proud to call a woman his wife, and looks down and adores the life they created together... You deserve better, and I think that you should look elsewhere.
DV1
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