A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Men and Older Virgins? I know most men are into young women - especially if they are still chaste and virginal - but what do men think of older women who are still virgins? For example women in their 30s or even 40s as there are still some of us about!!Do men still admire virginal women even if they are older - or do they just think it odd that these women havn't done the business yet?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2011): I appreciate the responses. I am 39 years old, an educated professional and still a virgin. I've spent the past few days reading positive and negative comments about women and men like myself. I was even called a person with "issues", "past my youth" and "abnormal" by someone on site where I posted recently. I guess I can't figure out when did being a virgin at an older age become so taboo. I went through my late teens, 20s and 30s thinking "okay one day it will happen just be patient." But unlike many of us out there trying to mate I never actively put myself out there to find sex. And I simply wasn't inclined to grab someone and say "I want to get this over with..." I've encountered men in my adult years but too often I found some very much wanted to "do the deed" without really getting to know me. I haven't had a long term relationship - mainly because I've never been hot and bothered enough by anyone to keep him around. Sounds ridiculous but look at the number of men and women we go through in society to find "the one." And unlike some I simply don't want to latch on to someone because of what people might think. Now that I'm older I simply realize I've been strong enough to travel this path and I'll be strong enough when the time comes to know when to give myself to the person I want - and hopefully wants me for the right reasons. I'm not extremely religious or very conservative. But there is nothing wrong with people being "hard to get." I respect for myself enough to say "I don't have to give myself to anyone if I feel I'm just a conquest." And if a man says "it's sex with me from the start or I walk" then he will simply have to walk. How can I expect to find someone who will respect me if I don't set some type of standard for myself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Well, its unfortunate that a man would view an old virgin as abnormal. Truly speaking it would add a woman some respect since its evident that she values her dignity more than public opinion . In this era of all manner of sexual related infections, untrustworthy men a normal woman would never compromise her virginity to unreasonable opinion out there or try to please people who are not worth it. Furthermore, any issues would be as a result of fear of change of partners, risk of infections, heart breaks and of course reserving it for the right person in the right. God bless virgins
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): I've been wondering the same thing recently. I'm a 35 year old female virgin and I've been perfectly fine with it most of my life. A combination of shyness and stubborn refusal to conform combined to keep me a virgin through high school and my early twenties. I also have trust issues thanks to the cheating males in my family not to mention what I've seen at my job (I work in the medical field) for the last ten years, it's enough to make any sensible person celibate!
The major factor however has been a general lack of interest. I've had crushes but nothing major and while I have been asked out I never really felt the desire to do so just because it was the norm. I said yes once but canceled in a panic when I started to feel overwhelmed by his plans for our date. I don't really drink much and I've never been a club girl so the idea of partying with his friends was anathema to me.
I'd pretty much just figured I'd remain single and as I've never really desired children I was okay with it. I have wonderful family and friends that I love to be with so loneliness has never been an issue. I also have a lot of responsibilities that I find overwhelming at times so adding a relationship to the mix is not high up on my list of priorities. Then "he" came along...
"He" is an older guy from around my job who I see on an almost daily basis. He's one of the few people in my life who I've felt comfortable with from the moment I met and we've had a perfectly lovely, uncomplicated semi-friendship for seven years now. He's a bit of a flirt so I never thought anything of it when he'd flirt with me until a friend informed me that he actually liked me. I denied this pointing out that he flirted with everyone but she said that he actually meant it with me... gulp!
I had the feeling that something had changed but since I'm so horrible at reading signals I figured it was just my imagination and ignored it hoping it would go away. Since then he's asked me out for drinks twice which I've jokingly fobbed off. I think he's realized I'm skittish so he hasn't been pushy but he hasn't given up either and has slowly been easing himself further into my life.
There are many reasons to run for the hills on this one. The age difference (17 years) is a little disconcerting, I never dreamed I'd fall for an older guy! The idea of being gossip fodder for everyone around us is thoroughly unappealing to a person of my natural reserve. He's one of the few parts of my daily life that I genuinely like so the idea of this failing scares me. Despite all of this I keep coming back to the fact that for the first time in my life I find myself actually intrigued at the prospect. He's a nice guy (nice guys don't get enough credit) who can be a mischievous imp but I've always felt an innate trust in him. The question is how far does this trust go?
I know I must be giving off mixed signals and I'm afraid of coming off as a tease because of that. I'm definitely interested but anxious at the thought of his reaction at finding out just what he's getting himself into. Do I tell him straight out or do I wait and see if there's actual potential between us? Just because there's an attraction doesn't mean it's meant to go any further, maybe we'll find that we're better off as friends after we get to know each other better.
I can't help thinking it isn't fair to keep him in the dark though. Maybe it is best to lay my cards on the table and let him decide if he truly wants to pursue it any further, perhaps this way there is a chance of saving the friendship without too much emotional fallout.
I'm not holding out for marriage (I'm not entirely sure I believe in it) but I do want to know that I actually mean something to the person I give myself to. I consider myself a modern woman but I guess I'm just old fashioned when it comes ot sex.
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reader, TRENNER  +, writes (21 April 2010):
I am 47 years old and have always found female virgins to be a turn-on for me. At the same time, when I have met older female virgins, I have typically found them to have serious issues. So, if I am ever single again in this lifetime (I've been married for 3 years), I'd be quite happy to date a female virgin if she can show me she is reasonably normal and ready for commitment.
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reader, distant_music +, writes (4 November 2009):
Hi I'm so glad this question was asked and it was interesting to see some of the replies. I actually find this quite a complex issue and I have quite a few thoughts on the subject. As for myself, I am a female in my early 30's and I'm also still a virgin. This isn't as a result of lack of opportunity but out of choice. I have had relationships but I have never felt that I have met the person I wanted to "give myself" to, as it were. At the risk of sounding as though I'm in a Barbara Cartland novel, I happen to believe that your virginity is one of the most precious things you can give to someone and I just would not want to risk regretting giving it up to the wrong person, as so many women do. My decision is compounded by the raft of sexual diseases at large. As for what men will think about a woman being an "older" virgin, in my experience, their opinions vary from seeing it as a challenge - the prize being to be the first, to being wary because so few women, younger or older, are still virgins these days. I used to worry about men's reactions but now I feel more comfortable about my virginity. After all, a person is not defined by their sexuality. Personally, I think that in an age where sex is so readily available and people think nothing of sleeping with someone they've just met, having enough self-respect to wait for the right person is admirable. If I were a guy and was faced with two women to choose from - one who slept with every Tom, Dick and Harry and the other who had made the decision to wait until she met the right person, then I know who I would rather be with. I can't think of anything more romantic than saying to the man I want to be with - I've waited for you. Surely, any guy worth his salt would be delighted to hear that and consequently, when sex does eventually take place, it would be more meaningful and special. The only thing that worries me is that because sex is so readily available, some men will not be prepared to wait but in those instances, he probably wasn't the right person in any case. I would say to the person who posed this question and to anyone in a similar boat, that you should never feel that you have to validate your lack of sexual experience to anyone. It is no one else's business why you are still a virgin. Do people who've had a lot of sexual partners have to explain their promiscuity? Not usually because unfortunately, that is considered the norm these days. It is a sad state of affairs that being a virgin is considered to be something odd, even perhaps abnormal these days. So, to conclude my rambling, don't treat it as an issue because if you do, then other people will. If men find it odd or weird, then they're not really worth bothering with. When the right person comes along, you'll be glad you waited ... and so will he:)
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reader, zkp088 +, writes (8 August 2009):
I admire a woman who is an older virgin actually. I'm a very average guy and approaching near mid 40's myself yet still a virgin. Although, I am a male.
It is difficult to meet women like yourself.
And yes, I completely understand all the inner struggles of not experiencing what most people do.
One thing just reading around, I'm terrified of the STD's out there.
Anyway, I really admire any person who has self respect for themselves and won't jump into something without feeling comfortable about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): i would think most men like myself would find it a quite impressive especially if the women is attractive this would make the man think this women has waited all this time for some real reason. just look at kelly clarkson and some other celebs who kind of milk their virginity for fame it is certainly impressive in these cases. from the ages of 18 to 30 if a women is a virgin she may just be a nice women:) from 30 to 40 there may still be reasons however after 40 then the man will certainly get worried and its best to hide such a fact.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): (Some) men are cautious about getting involved with older virgins, it's true.
But their reasoning is usually sort of like how some women might be cautious about getting involved with a rich hard-working man. Its not that these women don't want a rich & hard-working man, hell no. They LOVE that idea! But they might be concerned that this also might mean the guy is a workaholic who will never make time for them. The women love the primary point in question, they just think twice because of what they suspect that it also might mean.
This is sort of like men and older virgins. It's not the woman's virginity that they're having second thoughts about. (They usually LOVE that by itself.) It's the possible secondary issues that the men believe it might bring with it by the time she's that old. So just worry about putting these fears to rest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2009): I'm in a similar position, and I know how easy it is to worry about this, but honestly, I think it will be okay. I almost never discuss my lack of a sexual past with anyone, but over the years, I have told two men-- one that I'd been dating for some months and then, later, a close friend whom I would have liked to date if only he would get a clue. In both cases I was very nervous about telling the guy in question; in both cases, the guy turned out to be completely accepting and sympathetic. My advice is to keep your own counsel with anyone who doesn't need to know, but to be frank and open with any romantic prospect you know, like, and trust, and trust that he won't get hung up on what is, ultimately, a minor matter. In a good relationship, the future matters more than the past.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Personally, I think it such a sad commentary on the morality of our times that this question even needs to be asked. (Though I do live in the real world and understand its relevance.)I am a 29-year old virgin, and I fully expect to live at least into my 30's without changing that status. I have no problem attracting the opposite sex, and I have had past (and one current) relationships. However, I hold to the belief that sex is for marriage, and I am careful to only date men who respect my decision. (I also find this mutual respect brings a high level of depth and friendship to my relationships.)But waiting for marriage is only one of many reasons why a woman might be a virgin into her 30's and 40's. Many women simply have the self-respect and self-esteem to not lose her virginity for the sake of losing it or to be like her peers. She may want to wait for someone special, and like many other people, she did not meet him by the age of 20. (Not everyone has a high school sweetheart.) Or she may feel that the opportunities she has had were not worth the future emotional and physical sacrifices. Whatever the reason, I find it sad that something so simple as self-respect has come into question as being abnormal.
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reader, daletom +, writes (31 May 2009):
Speaking directly to your question, yes there are guys who will be put off by your status because it labels you as somebody who won't "put out". There are also guys who will be attracted to you, as something of a challenge to get into bed. These are fundamentally the same kind of guy.
There are also guys who see you as something of a novelty, and are attracted to the idea of teaching you about the physiological mechanics of sex. Some of them are mostly interested in boosting their own ego by playing the teacher; others may be interested in seeing if there are relationship possibilities beyond the sex.
If I was in my 30's, never married, looking for a wife, and I found myself with a 40-year old virgin - it would mean that I have already experienced some level of attraction and attachment to her, because it's not something I expect to discuss on the first date! I would also have a hard time fighting back the old saying, "If it SEEMS too good to be true, it probably IS!".
"Ask Oldersister" gave you an excellent answer. The virginity isn't the fundamental issue; it's the lack of a meaningful relationship that would bother me. And maybe there WAS a relationship in your past, but it never progressed to marriage or sex.
I hope you're not looking to jump into bed with some guy just to "get it over with". There are reasons you are still a virgin. Some of them may be very good, admirable reasons - you will be betraying yourself, as well as your future partners, if you discard the good reasons without first examining them. There may also be some not-so-good reasons - perhaps pointing to things you need to change or improve before you are ready for a mature sexual relationship.
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reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (31 May 2009):
 I think that if there are more women in this age bracket than you would think, but I imagine that people who haven't had sex are more reserved about talking about it.
Some people just haven't met the right person. It's unfortunate when it takes you that long to find love, but some people have had to wait a looong time.
You have to get to know the woman and get to trust her.
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reader, Danielepew +, writes (30 May 2009):
 I'm with Oldersister.
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male
reader, rocknroll +, writes (30 May 2009):
Being a virigin is one thing that could show she has not been in and out of too many relationships, meaning she is mentally stable.
For women in there 30's, and especially in there 40's, some men will wonder why this is. Is she hard to get along with, or does she have some real issues?
Just as mom will ask their daughter and son in there 30's and 40's that she/he needs to find a man/woman and have kids. Look deeper for the reasons and answers.
(This is soley my opinion and may not reflect the population at large.)
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