A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Its a pity becasue although I am not spring chicxken I am told I am attractive and lots of married men seem to like me BUt why cannot I find someone who really likes me? I worked with some women once who said if you dont behave more in line of todays world no man will ask you out becasue they all want sex. I know that but do we all have to sleep with a man right away?I have to like/fancy the guy first. Becasue I dont drink very much alcahol everyone seems to think I am too classy and put the men off I am NOT classy but just behave in the way I always have. I wear jeans at weekends, I like a good joke-so what am I doing wrong. I remember in a firm once a gou said to the men she is nice down there and they laughed and said you wont get anywhere mate we have all tried. I am not prudish honest but I just cannot sleep with jsut anyone and especially straight away. can anyone offer me any advice? do ALL men expect you to sleep with them right away even if you dont fancy them???What can I do to change myself? This way I will miss out on all the fun its hard enough trying to find someone at my age. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2008): I find it hard to believe that you only attract married men. Think about it. You attract the men that you want to attract. You must be giving off some vibes to married men that make them think you are interested. So think about what you are doing to attract them in the first place. Are you being overly friendly? for example. What you need to do is think about the type of man you are interested in. And then find out where this type of man spends his free time. Then you need to decide do you need to join a walking club, chess club, fitness club, a library etc. You could also try a repitable dating website. Where you can specify exactly what type of man you are looking for and only respond to profiles that match your requirements. REMEMBER YOU ONLY ATTRACT WHO YOU WANT TO ATTRACT!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): Something that I have said in other questions on this subject that I did not mention here because it was not relevant: I think that young people in their first or second relationship, like those 17 to 19 or so, should wait much longer than the 2nd or 3rd date to have sex. Perhaps 2 to 4 months would be appropriate. For those of us who have been married or have been in longer relationships and a bit or a lot older, then I think it is appropriate that it be on the 2nd to 5th date, or even the first if the 2 people have known each other for some time.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): I think the uncles have answered this one very well already; I just thought I want to mention, there is no right or wrong; 1st date, 2nd date;or whenever;
the most important to always remember is: when YOU FEEL READY for it;
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (7 July 2008):
 No you most definitely don't have to sleep with a man right away.
Nor does any man worth bothering about EXPECT you to sleep with him right away. He probably HOPES you will, because that's how most of us are, but expecting it is another matter altogether.
Don't try to change yourself. Be you. Not every man wants a spring chicken, nor mutton dressed as lamb. Some of us, MOST of us in our fifties, rather like the tougher, mature bird. Something to get our teeth into, one might say. Even though a bit of sauce sometimes doesn't go amiss...
The most important factor, I think, is not to give the impression you are completely off the menu. I'm sure that if it's clear you're looking, then there will be plenty who are prepared to make the effort to wine and dine and everything that goes with that - without an expectation of sex at the drop of a hat. I would. Or, at least, I would if I wasn't somewhat attached for the foreseeable future!
Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): I don't know the answer to this, but I don't think that you are doing anything wrong. My wife did the opposite many years ago after leaving her first husband. She slept with every guy on the first date. She did it because she thought that she was supposed to and she did it to get the affection that she had not gotten from her cheating first husband. She did it to not feel old (30?) and unattractive. What she did get was to get screwed with little or no affection and it actually hurt her self-esteem at first. After the fact, she wished that she had not slept with a lot of them, but she felt that was what she needed to do at the time. I was actually the first guy who didn’t try to get her into bed on the first date. I tried on the second, but was prepared for her to say no. Maybe that’s why she dumped her previous boyfriend the night after our first date.
I don’t think that it is a good idea at all to sleep with a guy on the first date. After the first date, it is up to you. If a guy doesn’t ask you out again if you don’t sleep with him on the first date or on the day that you meet him, then you have found an effective way to weed out the guys who just want you for sex. I don’t know if most guys just want a woman for sex or not, but based on my wife’s experience from 30 years ago, I would have to agree that is the case. Yes, I would have liked to have had sex with her on our first date, but I thought it disrespectful to try.
I would say to keep doing what you are doing. There are guys out there who will want you for more than sex. I do have one warning though. Don’t wait too long if you like the guy and he seems to want sex on the 2nd or 3rd date. My wife was my first partner after my divorce. Our first date was 6 months after my wife left me. I liked her and I needed affection and sex, as I was feeling like I would have a hard time finding someone nice. If she had not agreed to sex by the perhaps 5th date then I would have looked elsewhere for the affection and sex that I needed at the time.
...............................
A
male
reader, wildman  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 I don't think they do but by the same token you may be giving the impression it will be a sexless relationship and most older men including myself have been there and done that. That is a red flag to me the main reason I am looking to get out of my marriage now no sex. Maybe you could tease a little just to keep them hooked so to speak for a while until you feel more comfortable.
...............................
|
