A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was dating a woman for about 7 months. I thought things were great. I'm working on a law degree and I work, so I'm extrely busy. I spent as much time with her as I possibly could. In fact, I spent most of my time with her during the semester, against my better judgment, because I wanted to be with her, and I paid for it come finals time. So to make up for lost time, I told her I had to crack down and study for a few weeks straight. We still talked on the phone every day, but I didn't have time to go out and see her. She said she understood. After my finals ended, we went out and had drinks, and I stayed the weekend. Then we went to the beach together for a couple of days. Everything was amazing, or so I thought. We got home on a Thursday night from the beach, and apparently while I was at work Friday night, she cheated on me. She sent me a text message telling me she was going to hang out with an old friend that night. I thought nothing of it. I trusted her. Well apparently she slept with someonene else that night. I had no clue. Come Sunday, she broke up with me, which blindsided me. I asked why, and she kept telling me that I just didn't have enough time for her and she was lonely, etc. I said it was just my finals, and that I'd have more free time now that they're over. She said she thought we should just part ways. Caught me completely off-guard, as we had just had such an incredible time at the beach together.I go to work that night, and suffer through, trying to make sense of everything that happened, and just can't. I leave work that night and on Facebook, I had received a message from a girl who gave me her number and said to call her. That it was regarding my ex. So I did, and she informed me that her ex boyfriend and my ex girlfriend had cheated on us with each other Friday night and she said she just wanted me to know. I tried to discuss it with my ex and she denied everything, saying that girl was crazy. I knew she was lying to me. For two days, she continued to deny it. Finally, she broke down and sobbed and admitted she did cheat and that she regretted it terribly. Since then, she's been apologizing profusely and trying to make it right. But I have always been the kind of person that believes that once someone cheats, the relationship is destroyed beyond repair. I've tried to have conversations with her, just being light-hearted, to see if I can possibly forgive her. But even when things are going well for a little while, I inevitably start getting annoyed and think about what she did. I can't seem to let go. Am I being an idiot for even trying to see if I can forgive? Do I just walk away completely and not look back? That's what I feel my only option is. She keeps breaking down and crying though. Thanks for reading.
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at work, broke up, cheated on me, ex girlfriend, facebook, her ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lana102  +, writes (6 October 2015):
I hoped you walked away.. Geez! Who would stay with her?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2015): Walkaway!
You're mature enough to know your law studies require your fullest commitment and absolute concentration. You're spending a fortune!
I know, because my now deceased partner and I began our relationship while he was in grad school. Then he went on to law school, and studied thereafter for his bar exams.
We were friends long before that. We committed shortly after I graduated myself. I realized he couldn't devote as much time with me as he wanted to; but I had to be a trooper. I wanted him to realize his dream! After he passed the bar, we were together yet another 20 years! I know what you're going through. Focus, dude! Focus!
Relationships are too emotional and distracting for you right now. You're an older law student; so timing is critical.
You hardly had time for her, and yes she found someone else to hookup with. So what? You were hardly dating, and you weren't truly committed. Do you really have time for all this drama? Do you?
So your ego is a little bruised; but you really didn't bond that well as a couple. You should have been hitting the books!!!
What difference does it really make to find-out an ex cheated after you've already broken-up? Had you never responded to the message from the lady on Facebook, you'd have moved on with little concern. Let her cry. Get back to your studies!!!
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 If you think that you have it in you to forgive her and try to re-build the relationship, then give a chance. Otherwise, walk away.
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A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 It seems to me like you don't love her THAT much that you couldn't walk away, and at the same time you resent her for her actions, so maybe walking away is the best possible course of action right now.
It seems to me like she really does feel bad about it, but if you do stay with her you might always worry about whether she'll do it again when you're unable to see her often, and it's hard to continue building a relationship on mistrust.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2015):
 I vote for walk away.
1. you had a PERFECTLY good reason for not being able to hang out. You explained it to her, she said she understood. You still spend time and effort with her on phone calls while studying for finals. SHE used that as an EXCUSE to cheat. Come on now. THERE are plenty of people who go without their partner or spouse for MONTHS with a LOT less contact and NEVER cheat. My husband spend 13 months in the Afghanistan mountains with shitty DIAL UP internet that couldn't handle Skype, so what we got was the occasional e-mails and phone calls. I didn't cheat while he was gone, HE didn't cheat either.
2. She is OLD enough to know that LYING about it is almost worse than the ACTUAL cheating. YET she persistently lied and when she DID end up fessing up, SHE blamed YOU for her actions.
3. SHE isn't regretting the cheating. SHE IS regretting getting caught. THAT is the remorse. NOT that she HURT your feelings, but that SHE was caught with her hand in the cookie-jar.
4. It's ONLY been 7 months.
I'd walk... actually I'd run. I would not invest a single HOUR more on that person.
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