A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do I wait it out or give up??I have fallen very seriously for a close friend of mine... but he has a girlfriend of 2 1/2 years (I've only known him about 6 months). I know he likes me; we spend A LOT of time together, he constantly texts me, and we almost kissed one night... but he hasn't broken up with his girlfriend (who he doesn't seem to spend any time with). So, is it worth hanging around and seeing does he break up with her, or should I cut my losses??
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2007): i have been in the same situation and he needs to choose between u and his gf. dont let him string u along. it happened to me and it hurts. if he likes u he will leave his gf for u.
gd luck
xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): Thanks for the advice, everyone! In answering one question, about why did I almost kiss him... it was a very drunken night, and he took my hand etc... but we both understood he wouldn't cheat on his girlfriend by actually kissing. Since that night, our friendship has become even more... well, not completely platonic (I mean that on an emontional level). Before then, I was quite happy to just be friends, but out relationship has become much more intense since then. Anyway, thanks for advice!
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male
reader, negru  +, writes (30 March 2007):
I've been in your same situation...only even a bit worse.I had a huge crush on this girl, for about 3 years. Then she got seriously committed with a friend of mine, and shortly after I became her best friend (by random accident). I used to talk a lot to her, travel with her etc. I knew her and cared for her better than her bf.Once I even told her that I love her, but ruined everything, seemingly for good. We didn't speak for about 4-6 months after that. Then, we slowly started getting closer again, and while on a 2 day trip, we really got close, and she fell in love with me, out of nowhere. Several days later she broke with her 1 1/2 year boyfriend, but it wasn't easy, she kept oscillating between us, but I finally won her over.(we stayed together through a wondrous one year, but recently she broke up with me..just in case you wondered//speaking of which, I'm gonna post a question of my own regarding this issue)So, my advice would be to wait for it. Wait for that magical moment, cause you never know when it's gonna come. And when that moment comes..wow..it's gonna be the best and most beautiful feeling ever.But don't let yourself become just "some friend"..show him you care, that you understand him, etc, and if you think he likes you, you could subtlety hint him, like talk about intimate things, act sexy around him, stuff like that, to get his attention.And yes, I can say that respect is good. When she was with my friend, I always respected their relationship..once I even helped them get back together. I would even travel with her so she could meet him while he was away somewhere, just to keep her company, and then just let them do their thing. In the long run, it was more bonding between the two of us, so it helped.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): Move on. He isn't worth you waiting around for until he breaks up with his girlfriend. Just stay mates with him. As for almost kissing him why did you almost go there? I know that you like him but he would be cheating if you kissed one another. How would you feel if you were in his girlfriend's shoes? How would you like it if you had a boyfriend and you found out that your boyfriend almost kissed his female friend? You would be devastated wouldn't you? So don't even go there. Find someone who is available.
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reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (30 March 2007):
 Don't try to cut his current girl friend out. That can backfire and get the two of them both turned on you badly. I'm afraid you're going to have to wait this one out. Give him some hints that you WOULD be interested in him if he were free, but as long as he is in this relationship with his long term gf, you respect that and are not trying to make any moves on him. This preserves your self respect as well as the respect of the guy AND (although this may not matter as much in the long run) of his current lady.
It may not look like it from where you sit now, but respect (for yourself and for other people) is a very big thing.
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reader, nologo  +, writes (30 March 2007):
 I understand that you may have fallen for this guy.
However, you should respect a thing called Relationship.
As he has a girlfriend of 2 1/2 years, I suppose that they are close together.
What you tell here about him this is your thoughts.
You don't know what his attitude to you really is.
He hasn't broken up with his girlfriend - it's a fact.
You should cut your losses, move on, find someone else.
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reader, LittleTwoLegs +, writes (30 March 2007):
 This is a bad situation. Try to not feel "that way" for this guy, because even when long relationships break up and a partner immediately hits it off with someone else there's scandal. Believe me, I know.
As long as he's with his girlfriend, try to just remain the best friend you can but please understand that just because you have hard feelings for him doesn't mean you should cause their relationship to end. I am not sure how serious he and his girlfriend is, but I'm telling you do not set you heart on this guy (however great he is) and wait it out, but don't wait on him: don't stop everything and shut the world out simply because you want his sole affections.
If they do break up, and he does want to get with you? You still have to wait, and I'm not just saying that because of social standards, I'm saying that also because it may be reflex for him to get with you: you are new and interesting to him, and instead of what you may be inclined to think he wants to try you out. Don't be the rebound. Remind him he's just been in a very long relationship and if this is something that is really worth it that the two of you should remain friends for now, be there for each other, and give it some time before you decide to take things to the next level.
Just to give you some insight, I got with a guy two weeks after he ended his two year relationship. I felt bad for the girl, and I had crushed on him before but I'd also had a boyfriend who I'd broken up with a month earlier. We thought we knew what we were doing, but it was only a rebound situation, even if subconsciously, and that we were together not only complicated things with us and inevitably ruined our friendship, but cause lots of scandalous gossip that we had been together when he wasn't single (which was not true). It hurt many of our friends as well, and for the next year or so was pretty much turmoil even though we'd completely dropped contact. So be warned, and if you care about the welfare you him and yourself wait as long as you can!
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