A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Five years ago I met the love of my life, the girl of my dreams. It was not a stress free relationship, she was still married but seperated from her husband who was addicted to drugs and a loose cannon. She has twin girls who my son and I also got very close to. I loved her like I had never loved anyone before or since. However I was never her top priority, she was often going through the enormous stress from her husband, she had great pressure from her parents who wouldn't except me at all and ultimately wanted her to be with the kid's father. We dated for a year and a half, I never pressured her to end the marriage or make a decision on the spot, I just figured eventually she would, and we'd be together forever. She made plenty of comments that lead me to believe that she also felt we were moving in the same direction. We never said "I Love You" to eachother, but I certainly loved her and always felt she loved me to, she said I was the love of her life... Eventually she succumbed to the pressure of her family and went back to her hubsnd to try to make it work. She left with no good-bye, no closure. I was devestated. Then about two years ago I met someone very special. Someone genuine and smart, who loves me a great deal. I love her too but it's not the same kind of love. I think she's the perfect person for me, but there is and always has been this blockage. My ability to open my heart again, and also my devotion has been taxed. I consider my current girlfriend to be my best friend, I'm attracted to her and we get along great. There's nothing wrong with us. But a month ago my ex walked back into my life. Started working in the same office building and we started talking. At first I just wanted closure. I wanted to know why she left. And I wanted to get some things off my chest. My girlfiend was aware of this and to her credit tried to understand the closure thing. I don't want to lose her. But I am torn, my heart is torn. She said to go ahead and step back and try to see things, and she'll be here when I come back. She's the one I know I should be with. But I think about what I felt with this other woman, and I feel like because there was never closure, and I still have those feelings for her, that maybe it could be different this time. Now she is divorced, her husband has moved on, she admitted that it was a dark period of time for her. We have not actually discussed getting back together, and told my girlfreind I don't need very long and that I'll be here too. I just want to be able to see that it really was for the better, and she wasn't the one I was supposed to be with. It's an unrequitted love thing. But maybe it was just a fluke, it was cirumstantial and it could have worked if she would have been mature enough to listen to her heart instead of her family we'd still be together. But now her girls are 10, do they even remember us from when they were 5? And now I have this great girl that I love, and I think I could love her as much as I loved this other woman, but I'm so conflicted. There was a passion there with this former girlfriend, that has always been lacking in my current relationship, but I feel like a lot of that is my inability to let go. There is no listening to my heart at this point, my heart is so confused. Do I try things again with this woman and hope that it will be the same and better and forever and lose the great girl I have? Or do I leave it alone, never get the answers I want but avoid losing what could be the best thing that ever happend to me?
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (15 August 2009):
 I hate to be the one to say this to you, but you are fortunate to have found someone else to open your heart to.
Speaking from personal experience, and I can assure you that something very similar just happened to me, if you find a woman that has truly devoted herself to you and wants into your heart, you should seriously consider letting her in.
You had a fortunate experience with the married woman, in that her children accepted you and got close to your own children.
But if a woman you love cannot say "I love you" and you cannot say that to her, then there's reservations there.
I would rather move on to a better bet if its possible. I can understand your reticence here. Part of me wants to move on, the woman in my life that I deeply love and still loves me, wants me to move on rather than wait for her to sort out her own problems. In my case we were both devoted to each other, but certain events occurred that have broken us up.
Here you have a woman who it seems devoted her time to the abusive husband who didn't deserve it, and probably robbed her of every single emotion towards you and her own children.
Sometimes you have to walk away from someone you love when it becomes too toxic. Here you have a second chance at love.
It goes to follow that it hurts to let go of this love of your life, but its imminently more practical to open your heart to someone who sincerely wants to make you a part of her life.
If this works, and you do everything you can to be there for this new lady, it seems to me she would be happy to care for you in ways you have wanted but have not received.
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