A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When I was in my early twenties, I got my girlfriend pregnant. We were not ready to be parents, especially since I was going to therapy for anger issues and my girlfriend just made one year sober.My girlfriend's sister and husband adopted our son. They did a great job at raising him. He is a straight A student in high school and is planning on going to college to become an engineer.My girlfriend, now ex-girlfriend, has kept me up to date on how he is doing. I'm Facebook friends with her and her family, which helps me keep up to date with how he is doing. My biological son knows that he is adopted and knows that I am his father (we met a few times, with his adopted parents present).My family doesn't know that I have a biological son.I am writing my will and want to leave most of my possessions, including my money, to my biological son. My ex-girlfriend and my biological son's adopted son all know my plans (I'm meeting with my lawyer in a few weeks after Mardi Gras).The question is should I tell my parents and siblings that I have a son that I put up for adoption that they don't know about? If so, what is the best way to break the news to them that I have a son?I would hate that something unexpected happens to me, and my lawyer has to break the news to them while they are already grieving.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 February 2023):
 In answer to your question, yes, absolutely you should make your family aware of your son's existence. However, before you do so you should discuss is with your son and with his adoptive parents. It is only courtesy to make them aware of your plans because it is only natural that your family may wish to meet him. Be prepared for a lot of questions from your family when you tell them.
I do have to wonder why you insist on calling him your "biological" son (except at the very end of your post). He is your SON. Full stop. No need to add the biological unless you are explaining the history to someone.
Sounds like you feel more than a little guilt about your decision all those years ago. However, you can't turn back the clock. You made the best decision for all concerned at the time. It's not like you abandoned your son. He was raised in a loving household with parents who could provide stability, which you and his mother could not at the time. It's to your credit that you have stayed in contact and he knows who you are. His adoptive parents must be wonderful people.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2023): You should tell them.
It's grat that you're thinking ahead.
You're still young and you may have more children. It's ood to have everything out in the open.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2023): Better than letting people find-out by accident; or if your son should suddenly show-up, if something happens to you, and have to do it for you.
He is not a terrible secret, and anyone to be ashamed of. He knows who you are, and he is now an adult. I think you should tell them about him, but get his permission first. In fact, he is the one you should be posing the question to.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 February 2023):
 I think you should tell them.
Maybe your son would like to meet them and they would like to meet him. And NOT have that meeting be at your funeral....
It seems like you and your ex made the RIGHT choice in letting your son get adopted by two people who were and are able to raise him in a healthy environment. Remember that.
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