A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone, I am so confused right now so I really need some help with this!Here is the scenario:I ended a 7 year relationship with my girlfriend about 2 years ago as we had been together since the age of 17 and decided that I needed to see the world a bit as I didnt want to wake up in the morning when I was 28 or so and do it then. My partner was/Is my best friend and always thought we would get back together some day.....We still keep in touch all the time but seem to be in limbo about getting back with each other. I have been seeing someone else casually (and havent told my ex about it) and its starting to now get serious, as she wants to move things on and basically my dilemma is who do I go for?Should I let my ex know and risk losing her as she has been such a massive part of my life, but on the other hand the new flame makes me happy and we enjoy our time together and it does look like it could last. I am sure someone has been in a similar situation and I would really like some advice from everyone. Thanks
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female
reader, SarahOwen +, writes (12 October 2008):
Why are you still clinging on to this relationship with your ex? Surely you could have just taken a break or something whilst you went around the world? Your heart doesn't sound like it's in that relationship anymore, so do her and yourself a favour and cut her loose.
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 You have to make a choice. There are two other people here who are subject to being hurt, no matter what you choose. If you still want the ex and move on yet she is in love with you then who gets hurt? Both you and the ex. If you choose the ex who gets hurts? Both you and the other girl. I say this because you seem concerned about letting her down and if you don't choose her she will be hurt.
You need to think about the kind of love you have for the ex and how she really feels about you. Once you have really thought everything through, then consider the new relationship. I would suggest taking a break from them both for a few days so you can really think without distractions.
You have to figure out why your old relationship was in limbo. You didn't say you were all to eager to move on with the new one either. It seems as though you may love them both in some way. It is making you confused. That is the hard part and ONLY YOU can figure it out. Don't rush into anything.
When you have acessed the two different relationships, follow your own heart because in the end you have to be happy with the choices you make. It's Your LIFE. Take your time and choose well. *The choices you make today can forever change your future and theirs.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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A
female
reader, Oli123 +, writes (12 October 2008):
I think you should let her know. If you ended the relationship you were obviously having second thoughts about your relationship. If your ex is as good a friend you say she is then i think she would stay by you and just be happy for you. It isn't fair to play two girls at once, not that you are doing this but if your ex finds out another way she may feel that you are, so i'd just be honest. Good luck :) xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): You said you wanted to see the world. Sounds like you want to change. Always, a person must be constantly changing. There is nothing worse than the person that reaches the age of 18 and decides that is the way they are going to be for the rest of their life. If that is true, there is no reason for that person to be living. In effect, you "die".
Never be complete.
I had a similar situation. A dated a girl for 3 years. It was great. I thought she was the end all be all. Incredible woman really. But I felt i didnt have room for growth. I felt constrained, restricted, involuntarily stagnant. Not her fault, but I wanted to see the world so to speak. So I broke up with her and I moved to Costa Rica for the summer. Something i definately wouldnt have done if i was still with her. I even choose a new career track in something i actually was really interested in. Also something i wouldnt have done. So when i went to Costa Rica, I found (wasnt looking tho) the girl of my dreams. Someone who allows me to be in constant movement. Never stopping. Never done growing. Never complete.
Ask yourself this question. Did you love your ex? Or were you IN LOVE with you ex? Its a big difference. I loved my ex but i wasnt IN LOVE with her.
I say go for the other girl. You will always have a friend in your ex no doubt.
Remember, as time goes on, you should love the person even more. Love is not set at a fixed rate.
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