A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I split up with my boyfriend for a few weeks and in that time I slept with someone else, we have since got back together but should I tell him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 December 2019):
 If the shoe was on the other foot, would you want to know?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2019): No no no never tell.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2019): If he's the real jealous type I wouldn't tell. You'll fell better if you do tell. There's always a chance he'll find out and if you held that back for no good reason, you'll worry for no good reason. 'Hope my fling is not at the party' Technically you were fair game so you did nothing wrong, but sex history disclosure is always idea.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 December 2019):
 If you wanted to tell him, you should have done so prior to getting back together. And if he wanted to know, he would have asked. So as it stands: no, dont tell him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2019): This question is frequently asked; and I guess it all depends on what you hope to accomplish by telling him.
It also depends on why you broke-up, and why you slept with someone so soon, if you hadn't really made up your mind that the breakup was final?
When people have a big argument; and breakup, only to get back together. They'll either start a cycle of make-ups and breakups; or just fizzle-out within a few weeks of trying to get back together. Another big fight occurs; and the final-breakup ends the drama once and for all. You're not a teenage-couple; so you made a deliberate and conscious decision to part ways.
In situations like this, the odds are high that in a few weeks you'll breakup again; whether you confess or not. You were in pretty much of a hurry to hop into bed with somebody else; and got caught off-guard to discover he would agree to reconcile. Guilt had a lot to do with you agreeing to take him back.
Now you've got a secret that you don't know what to do with. You weren't so emotionally distraught over the breakup that you couldn't/wouldn't hookup within two weeks of it. I'd say, your boyfriend was the last thing on your mind at the time.
I don't think it really matters whether you tell him or not. He'll find-out from you, or somebody else. Either way, reconciliations seldom succeed when neither party has had the chance to change their ways. Whatever the problems and circumstances were that culminated in splitting you apart are still unresolved; and will more than likely resurface. They're still there, and you've added yet another complication to those problems.
Either it was vengeful-sex, or somebody with whom you've been flirting for sometime. It happened pretty quickly! Rebounding so quickly shows very poor judgment and impulsiveness.
I suspect the person was somebody you always wanted to sleep with, and this was your golden-opportunity. Afterall, you and your boyfriend were "broke-up!" Oops!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2019): The only reason I'd tell him is if you think he'll definitely find out some other way. In that case it's better to hear it from you. But otherwise it is absolutely none of his business and telling him makes it seem like 1. it is and 2. you need some kind of 'forgiveness' for it. Which you don't.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (17 December 2019):
 For what purpose? How do you think that will help your relationship?
Unless he is likely to find out, I would forget about it and not say anything. You were not together at the time but he might take it badly anyway.
The only reason I can see for telling him is if there is a good chance he might find out from someone else.
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