A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a really big mess at the moment and need help getting out if it! My boyfriend asked me to move in with him a few weeks ago, I said yes and I am really looking forward to living with him but I haven't told my parents yet because they are really difficult to talk to and after having a few problems with them in the past we are just back on really good terms and I don't want to ruin it, but I think this news will! I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and my parents have met him quite a few times and seem to like him but I just have a feeling this news isn't going to go down well. It's not like they are violent or anything, I can't really explain it but they don't seem to take to change well! Anyway I am supposed to be moving in about 5 days, my boyfriend doesn't know they don't know, and I know I have made it a million times worse by leaving it but I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty to both my boyfriend and my parents, so do I tell my bofriend the truth and say I can't move yet and risk upsetting him, or tell my parents I'm moving out in 5 days and risk upsetting them? Any advice please? (and please no answers such as you shouldn't be with someone who you can't be truthful with, or if you can't tell your parents maybe you should reconsider your decision, as I have already had this from other sites and I know what I've done is wrong but I just need help resolving it)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok i've decided that I'm going to tell my boyfriend I need another couple of weeks because I can't be disrespectful to my parents and say 'i'm moving out in 3 days' because i just feel thats wrong. I'm going tonight to tell him, so wish me luck, I'm terrified that he is going to finish with me because of the lies I have told which will break my heart but it's my own fault and I can't believe I have let it get to this. I just hope he can understand why I haven't told them. If all goes well tonight I will come home and tell my parents I'm moving out in a couple of weeks, and if it doesn't well i guess I won't be telling them I'm moving out but that me and my BF have split, then I will still tell them the truth anyway because they deserve that. Been crying all day at they thought of losing my BF, just hope all works out!
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 yes, you waited a little too long, you sound like a sensitive person that didn't want to rock the boat/ cause drama, wanted it to work out without anyone opposing or stressing you out about it. Do you feel 100% confident in moving in with him? If so, DO IT. Your parents love you and they'll get over it eventually if they do react surprisedly/negatively. Don't wait til the weekend, aren't you going to want to pack up earlier than the day you move? you're doin this for yourself, not for your parents, and not for your bf, so stand up for yourself and what you want and tell everyone today. It'll be fine. your concern is your parents' confusion about being blindsided, and it's ok to just say, i didn't know how to bring this up, or didn't want to hurt your feelings. as for your bf just say you didn't know how to navigate between both sides in making everyone happy (forgot to think of your own happiness, what you want).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo do you still think I should make the move this weekend? it's got to the point now where I'm not even too worried about actually telling them, it's just because of how late i've left it. I seemed to think if I just ignored telling them it would go away but now all I keep thinking is why didn't I just say it weeks ago! I want to tell both of them the truth (BF and parents) but I don't think I can explain why I haven't said anything, if that makes sense! Like I said in the original question they aren't violent or aggressive so it's not as if I can say to my BF I didn't tell them incase they hit me, or say to them I didn't tell you because I was scared of your reaction because it probably would have been abit of the silent treament then they would get over it. I'm just so confused, I'm also worried that I will mess everything up with my boyfriend because I've lied to him as he thinks all is well and I'm ready to move this weekend! Thanks for your answers so far x
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (13 April 2011):
I think you should tell your bf first that you haven't told your parents, and you need his emotional support on this, you are...nervous of their reaction, and you have a feeling not because of him but just because of their tendencies, they're going to be upset and you don't want to upset them so that's why you've been putting it off. By getting your bf's emotional support (and I don't mean tell them with him there, that's not super considerate in case things DO go down badly, but just you know, cheerleading, you can do this, etc) it'll be easier, because then you don't have TWO dirty little secrets going on, which probably makes it harder to want to let either person down.
You know you want to move. You are certainly at an age where that's okay. Tell them that you feel you are ready for the next step in your life and if they really react badly, say, I've already made my decision, I've put down the deposit (or something else kind of final), and I have already chosen this path for myself, thought it through like an adult. you know. Tell them it was a hard decision but that you hope they respect and support your choice and ultimately, your happiness, and that you hope this doesn't change anything because you love them... stuff like that. i hope that helps, let us know what happens!
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 You're their daughter, no man will ever be good enough.
Accept that. Knowing this you will have to easy their fears and worries. Call often, ask them over for dinner, tell them you love them, tell them you are safe, happy. Tell them you will call them if anything is wrong and you need them.
Call them and ask questions about anything and many things.
They don't want to feel like they've lost a daughter to HIM!!!
They still want to be in your life and help you out.
Above all they want you SAFE. Visit them as often as possible the first couple of months, they'll have to easy into being without you, they put a huge amount of time and effort into you they want to make sure they are appreciated.
It's not easy for parents to let their kids go, especially to another INSIGNIFICANT who has done nothing for you, never been there for you.. you get the picture.
Also don't forget to slip in "My BF did this for me and that" but not to often. Because your parents are No. Uno.
Then in about oh.. 3 months, if things are going well, your parents will turn your room into a man den and mom will go back to college.
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