A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I am currently in my early 20s and just graduated, so I am looking for a job now. My boyfriend dropped the bomb yesterday. We have been dating for about 8 years odd and he popped the question. This relationship started when I was in my teens and we had many ups and downs, a little cheating here a little cheating there. I know all of his lies (at least I think so), but unfortunately, he doesn't know mine.I sorta went a little far with one of the guys during one our breakups. I know this sounds messed up and all. But it does not mean anything to me. It's just that I have always been quite truthful in the relationship, so I can't keep anything from him. I rejected his proposal but I didn't tell him why. Most of my friends told me to keep the lie to myself. But I don't feel comfortable. The question is should I tell him or keep it to myself?If I tell him, I will feel so much better and I will definitely love to marry him. But, if I do, we might not be able to work this out. Basically he is super territorial. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): Tell him, but tell him it's because you wanted to accept the proposal but didn't feel you could until you got it out of the way. If it was during one or your break ups then that's not so bad and if he really wants to marry you then he'll respect you for being truthful and not getting married without telling him. Explain exactly what happened and how much you regret it. He has obviously lied to you in the past and it would be very hypocritical of him not to forgive you.
And if it doesn't work out, then either he'll change his mind about you again, or he wasn't that desperate for you in the first place. It was in the past and what's done is done, he should be able to move on from it and give you a chance =]
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2008): The way I see it you haven't told him a lie - you haven't told him anything at all! What would be the point of offloading this information? There's no need for him to know. Whatever happened, happened during a break so there's no need to say anything because you weren't with him at the time.
Keep it to yourself or he might offload a pile of other stuff about his past life in your direction that you might not want to hear about.
If he's 'super territorial' beware that he might consider you his property. Being possessive is not good.
...............................
A
male
reader, cockainis  +, writes (24 November 2008):
 Well, first of all, I don't think you two should get married because the element of trust is missing.
But if you will want to marry him, the best bet is to spit it all out. Just take caution because jealousy is all about possession and so if he is the jealous type who will go crazy over the ghosts of your past, he might insist on owning you by getting married. Put a red alarm light there.
If you do not tell him and marry, it will be grounds for divorce or annulment because he married someone he did not know. That's the legal part. The moral issue is that you are supposed to share 100% of yourself in marriage, and it would really be deceitful to hide who you are. Besides, I would give you a very high probability that you will cheat on him again in the down phases of marriage if you hide that little secret of yours.
After all, you are partly what he made you go through, and he is partly what you made him go through in your eight years of being together. Sum it up and show him the bottom line. If your figures do not tally, then I think you should move on and find someone whom you can be honest to.
...............................
|
