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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm in fairly tricky situation at the moment. For the past year and a half me and this guy had a serious thing going on. Anywho, we broke things off, and he got himself a girlfriend, whilst I stayed single.A few months after, he randomly contacted me to hang out, which I agreed to, but just as friends. However, he obviously wanted to continue our fling - sending dirty texts, trying to kiss and touch me etc. which I never let him do. One night, he texted me again trying to get me to agree to come out and have sex with him, swearing he and this girlfriend had broken up, dissing and abusing her etc. After heaps of convincing, I slept with him, but still hesitant. Stupid move of mine, I know. Turns out, he and his girlfriend never broke up, and he had no problem smugly admitting it after we had sex. I'm so incredibly livid at him and feel extremely guilty as his girlfriend thinks he's the best thing in the world. I feel like telling her what he's done. A part of me feels she deserves to know what a cheating scumbag she's dating. She won't find out herself because he acts like an angel to her.Should I say something? Or just let it rest?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the responses, just to clarify further, I wouldn't tell her this out of spite or anger, (I'm not some bitter bitch )I have absolutely nothing against the girl. I believe that girls should stand up and protect each other, and I'm doing it for her own good, she seems nice and deserves better than that (as all girls do!). There's no gain or satisfaction in it for me, I'm completely unattached from this guy, so there's no jealously or revenge in this. Also, I do have 3 weeks worth of texts from the guy trying to get with me.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 OK, you've been given some great advice now i'll give mine in the form of a question...if you were her would you want to know? and if yes why?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): I would meet her for coffee, and talk with her, be sincere, and be honest, and tell her.
Unless you think she might be a physical threat to you.
Yes, she may blame you, but she is being endangered by this guy, and you as a human being, and knowing it, have a "duty" to protect.
Probably not a popular idea, this "duty", but really if he is such a scumbag you need to think as well...if he did this to her, what did he do to you.
Get HIV and other STD screening as well as Hep B and Hep C testing done NOW, ASAP.
I've known HIV+ people who slept with others, not using protection, knowingly.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Now are you telling her out of revenge to him or really for her sake? Like Honeypie said I wouldn't be surprised that he beat you to the punch and told his girlfriend all about you...of course a fabricated lie. If you have the texts still then I would tell her, she can't argue with physical evidence. I agree that it's only respectful to let the other girl know, given if it was switched around you would want to know too. However, if you deleted those texts then all you have is your word against his..and who's she more likely to believe? A girl she doesn't know, or her sweet innocent pookie?
Whether you convince her or not, I would leave this guy alone. He's obviously not a trustworthy guy you want to be with so don't try to pick up the pieces if she breaks up with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): HEY,
its unfortunate that the guy lied to u..it just means one thing. if he wanted to cheat her and u, he will continue doing it with many many other women. im telling this to you because the exact same thing happened to me...Nothing can stop him. i understand u r hurt. but just move on, and be smart the next time. dont trust a guy blindly. in this case he only wanted to have sex and thats y he tried his level best to get u...never agree to another guy the same way, because all they want is sex. so dont have any regrets. it was a lesson, and move on more wisely !!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): she has not hurt you. Why do you have to be nasty to her? Why do you want to cause pain to this woman? Jealousy? Mean spirit on your part? Or are you most embittered at how dumb you were to believe the lies of your ex? Lashing out to hurt another woman is cruel. Consider that you need to act with more respect for yourself, avoid attached men like the plague, act with more dignity. What is edifying about acting like an unpaid call girl? I've worked with girls in your situation - devastated at how the man is/has treated them - it's all so predictable. I tell them they are lucky to have seen through the guy - there is no future for any woman involved with a married or attached man. Remember attached men have rules they have to follow. An attached man who lives with his partner and school age children will not invite you on a date on a Sat or Sunday night or his wife/partner is likely to be suspicious. An attached man is unlikely to ask you to his place for a meal he prepares in his own home, alone with you. An attached man will want to visit you at short notice in your home. An attached man is less likely to introduce you to his family if he is still living with his wife/partner. So you never see the real man - only the parts of him he wants to show you. An attached man will drop in on your home either too early (making out to wife he is playing golf) or too late(on his way home - alleging to his wife he is working late - he is - on you) Treat this as a learning exercise and stop being so gullible to this unprincipled man. His disrespectful comments about his partner is clue enough that he is no good. Forget him.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I guess since you have the texts to prove it, I would tell her, I would also block him and ignore him for the rest of my life. He is a total douche.
But I DO agree that you shouldn't expect her to thank you. She will most likely think it's all your fault.. And I wouldn't be surprised if he told her you were some crazy lovestruck psycho stalker chick...
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 November 2010):
And what if you do? Do you think she will suddenly turn around and thank you? Do you think she will dump him and then all will be right? None of that will work.
Humans are funny creatures when it comes to blame. We tend to blame the wrong person. It's more likely that she will close off to you and simply say that you're either a jealous ex who is lying to split them up, to which he will agree. Or she will blame you completely, and it will get around that you slept with him.
The best thing you can do is just back away and cut contact. He'll get his at some point. Meanwhile, vow to yourself that you will never have anything to do with an ex again.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 I think it is probably best that you dont say anything as she will probably just think you are some ex of his that wants him back and will think you are just stirring things so that they break up and he will be even more smug about it then when she stands by him. I think its best that you just cut all contact with this man and get on with your life he is not worth your time or effort hopefully his girlfriend will find out herself what a sleeze that he is but just be thankful that you are out of it and dont contact him again.
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