A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My sister (12) and brother(10) are both in a care home as my mum lost custody of them as she is a heroin addict. I don't have enough money/big enough house to take custody of both of them but my solicitor says that I could certainly take one of them.That would leave one of them in a group home and they would feel abandoned but at least one of them could live me and we could include the other as much as possible but it still would be very unfair as I love them bothOr I could leave them both in the home so they get equal treatment but is it better for them to "suffer" together when I could improve one of their lives
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female
reader, LadyRedBBW  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 I think you should take them both. Where theres a will, theres a way. If you dont know God and all what He can do I think you should get to know Him (and if you dont believe, then thats ok, everyone is entitled to their own opinion). They are family, and you shouldnt leave family behind.
Given the fact that your place is not big enough or you dont have enough money, people go through stuff like this everyday. You shouldnt look at what you are no able to do, but you should try and do something. Its not like they are friends, they are your younger brother and sister.
Do you know what kind of people prey on little kids in these kinds of situations and take advantage of them? There are a lot of mentally sick people (not saying that anything would happen, but you shouldnt be oblivious to it).
Do what is right for your family. They are to young to understand fully what is going on. You have to be there to guide them. Teach your little sister to become and blossom into a young lady; being in the system wouldnt be able to show her that. Teach you brother how to be a gentleman; being in the system wouldnt be able to do that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Personaly I'd leave both in care & keep regular contact with them.
Sounds like your family have already been thro a hell of alot & with your sisters ages I don't think ether one could understand why you took on one but not the other.
I'm trying to look at it from their point of view they may think the other is being 'favored' & that they have doing something wrong to be left in care.
Your sisters are at that age where one being left behinde & the other being 'favored' may cause deep emotional & mental scaring.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): If you can afford one, you can afford 2. You just need to cut everything to the bone to make ends meet. Buy generic brands. Only buy food on sale. Eat oatmeal home two meals a day if you must. Eat boiled potatoes. You'll get by. Lose your cell phone and I bet that covers the monthly food bill for the second sibling. Don't split them up or leave them behind. You can do this as others have suggested here. Look for assistance programs, contact a local church, barter your services for food. Can you find a work at home business and get them to help out? Just don't split them up too.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Social services will be happy to keep the family together if you choose to take them on. You maybe entitled to grants and benefits to assist in raising the children (since they cost money!). A social worker or citizens advice bureau could advise you on your options. Due to their age, a shared bedroom would be inappropriate, but if you have a spare dining room that could be converted into a temporary bedroom that would be ok. I think the children are old enough to be included in a discussion on placement. If you cannot take both, don't take either because it maybe distressing for the one left behind. If they cannot cope in the care home, ask the social worker about fostering in the local area to you so you can have close contact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Talk to services social services, they want to keep families together. Maybe start by talking to the person in charge at the home, asking them to send you in the right direction find out what help you can get. I wouldn't take one without the other, the one left at the home is going to feel abandoned and the one you take is going to feel guilty. If all else fails see if you can have them for weekends that sort of thing, work on making a home for them to come to, when they are 18 and they are no longer in care. I know right now that seems like years away, but if they know you are doing everything you can for them and planning for their future then I am sure this will help them.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (28 June 2010):
I agree that you should try to find any way possible to take them both. they need to be gotten out of that home if there is going to be any hope for them finding good direction in life. You will have to do whatever you have to do. This is above the law and this is your family here. Considering who your mother is they already weren't getting any proper direction so you are thier only hope at the moment. You have been given a mission and I think you sound like the kind of person who seems to be able to accept that mission. Good luck and God Bless you and your siblings
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Man, talk about "Sophie's Choice"! I think that perhaps you should look at any possible ways you can improve your finances so that you could take them both in. It may take some time to save up but at least you wouldn't be singling one out. Not sure what govt help is available to you in the UK but perhaps there is some help for people in your situation. Check it out and in the meantime start trying to save your pennies. By the way you do sound like a great sister to have!
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A
female
reader, May27 +, writes (28 June 2010):
 I'm so sorry that you are in this position. I know that you want to help your siblings, but I do agree with CaringGuy. On one hand it does seem like if you could help one of them, why wouldn't you? But how would you choose? Plus, as you said, having them together is what is best for them right now. You aren't abandoning both by waiting this out.
You obviously have a big heart and want to help. Maybe you'll find a friend or family member who is in a better state financially and can take them in or maybe one day you will be able to yourself.
Remain in their lives as much as you can right now and that is the best thing you can do for them. Keep your head up and know that there are people out there that appreciate you and respect you for what you are trying to do.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 June 2010):
Personally, I think if you can't take both, don't take them at this time. You're obviously a great sister. But take one, and one will feel very hurt and abandoned, while the other will feel guilty. And you'll have an awful decision to make. Together, potentially they can be stronger. Just be there for them and do as much as you can with them both. Keep the, together whether both can be supported together.
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