A
female
age
30-35,
*oftballplaya
writes:I need help!my ex bf and I havent talked for 7 months and hes now contacting me again. He claims he changed and stuff. He was really bad and idk what to or believe anymore. He said he grew up and changed....my parents hate him for the way he previously treated me, My head is spinning. Do I take him back and believe hes changed or do I keep my guard up?please help me. Im in fear of getting hurt again='( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Queeny  +, writes (3 June 2008):
 Softball, it seems to me that you have already made a decision to go back and that you want to try and work it out. all i can advice you is to be careful that he does not hurt you the same way. before getting back to him, give him 3simple conditions; 1.that if he abuses you, you shall have to report this to the police(righful authority) coz for your info harmful abuse is against the law 2. that if he gets back on drugs, you shall not enable the situation by staying in the rlshp but leave. 3.that he shall be going for therapy to assist him keep to his promise as he is a recovering addictagain it will be upto you if you get abused and keep on receiving it. you need to guard your pride and be firm when ppl walk all over you. Keep a strong eye on him for your safety in the event you get back.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 June 2008):
 You're not stupid for believing in him, at all. And this is not a lecture, so please don't take it that way, okay?
The thing is that he may sincerely want to change but it takes a while for new healthy habits to replace the old ones. So if I were you, I would tell him that I'm proud of him for taking steps to change, but I would also tell him that I'm a bit wary of going right back into a dating relationship with him. I'd say that I want to be friends for now, things can be revisited after a few months or a year or so, but just for now, I want to keep a bit of space between us until the trust can be rebuilt.
Stay positive, support his new attitude, but don't let yourself back into the relationship you had with him just yet. It's a new phase for him and a new phase for you, think of it that way.
Actions will tell you more that words can ever say.
Take care, and I hope it turns out well for you!
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female
reader, softballplaya +, writes (3 June 2008):
softballplaya is verified as being by the original poster of the question he was into drugs but said he stopped. I know im stupid for believing in him, please dont lecture me. Its just he seems to be putting up alot of effort and stuff. He seems like he cares. He admitted that everything that he did was wrong and said he was an asshole to me. He was straight forward with me....any advice for this?
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A
female
reader, Queeny +, writes (3 June 2008):
Its one thing taking one step forward and another taking 10steps backwards after taking the previous 1 step forward.
if you moved on in 7 months (by the way congratulations!) why do you want to go back to ruins and heart ache. unless the ill-treatment you recieved was not enough.
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A
female
reader, daniellexxxx  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Dont belive someone who says they have changed. My ex bf said he would change all the time everytime we broke up and one day you wake uup and relise there never going to change and there just kidding there selfs.
Do what you thinks best but the way you said how he used to treat you he must have being either hitting you or cheating.. Stay clear and say no is my opinion good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): ok, so what proof have you got that he has actually changed? It's a bit hard to judge this situation without knowing what he was like to you but if you're having doubts about believing him then surely that must tell you something. the best advice i can give you is to keep your guard up until he has proven himself to you again, and then if you decide you'd like to be involved you'll be reassured. Hope that helps
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A
female
reader, lolo89 +, writes (2 June 2008):
 ive seen so many of my friends go through the same thing and several of them have taken the guy back just to be hurt again, trust your gut instinct this guy is bad news
you also need to build your confidence back up and learn to trust guys again
theres a wonderfull one out there for you
good luck
o x
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