A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm feeling very confused at the moment. I have had a very on and off relationship with my current boyfriend for just over three years now. I have recently moved to Wales and he's still in the Midlands and we have found the long distance thing hard. Possibly becuase of this I have starting developing very strong feelings for a new friend in Wales and we have had sex a few times. I now don't know whether to try to forget about the Welsh man and try to keep my relationship going or whether to end the relationship and see where things go with Welsh man. I know the Welsh man likes me and would like to give it a go. Also my current boyfriend has major commitment issues and I don't want to throw this chance of happiness with someone else away just to find that there is no future with my boyfriend, but on the other hand I dont want to throw away the chance of happiness and a future with my boyfriend so I keep holding out and hoping that he will be able to commit soon and we can discuss living together and things like that. I just really need some advice about how to deal with this difficult decision. Thanks
View related questions:
long distance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 July 2009):
 I find it quite ironic that you are complaining about your boyfriend's inability to commit, however you have cheated on him! You cannot seriously think about moving in with a guy you have cheated on, if you really believed in the relationship with your boyfriend then you would have told him how you were feeling before you jumped into bed with another guy!
And think about how your boyfriend would feel if he knew you had slept with someone else; he would be devastated. Just as you would be gutted if you found out he had sex with another girl on a couple of occasions!
I'm not being judgemental here, I have cheated before when long distance was involved and I know how hard it is. Basically by sleeping with this other guy you have pretty much made your decision - the current boyfriend and the relationship is not worth enough to stop you from sleeping with someone else. If it was true love with someone that you were meant to spend your life with then the idea of sleeping with someone else, no matter how far away the other person is, would be too awful to imagine.
Your future happiness is not in the hands of either of these men; your happiness is in your hands. And the clear thing to me is that you are not enjoying a long distance relationship, therefore the right thing to do would be to end it. You have to be 110% committed to make a long distance relationship work and it just seems that you are not that committed to your boyfriend right now. That is no bad thing, you just need to accept that this relationship is no longer working and you need to put an end to it.
But please dont think that a guy will make you happy - its not like your future happiness is dangling on a string and one bad decision will mean you are destined to live a miserable life! You make yourself happy, all by yourself. Your hobbies, career, friends and family should make your life a happy one, not a man. A man should make life a little better, bring just that extra bit of joy into your life.
So really think hard about this current relationship - is it really what you want anymore? If it has been rocky in the past when you lived close together then I cant see how it will ever get better! And as for the Welsh guy, he should just be a bit of fun that you take slowly and see where it goes. I bet things wont work out with him, guys you start seeing immediately after a break-up never work out. But you shouldnt base your decision on the Welsh guy, he is irrelevant. Even if things dont work out with him then it shouldnt matter, you just need to be sure that ending it with your boyfriend is the right decision for you and that you will be happy with that decision for the rest of your life!
I hope this helps and good luck!
|
