A
female
age
36-40,
*ellz_B
writes:I have been with my partner for 5 and a half years, yet we are drifting apart, we love each other so much, he treats me like a princess, does everything for me and I know he will never cheat on me and I completely trust him. However I am the sole provider in our relationship as he is not able to keep down a job (not through choice). Whereas my career is flourishing at 23, he is now 28 and still trying to get trainee jobs I have supporting him through college over three years but the situation has not changed.I am meeting different people through my work with great experience of the world and with great ambition. I feel I am stuck and cannot move on, no matter how strong my feelings are for him this is always at the back of my mind! He depends on me so much and I depend on him emotionally. This is my first relationship and I want to experience life to its fullest.Do I stay and be with the one I love or do I leave and experience life for the first time alone? x x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): I would have to agree with mulattoman AND TasteofIndia ...If you REALLY love him, you wouldn't abandon him just because he is having trouble in life. If you two were meant to be, you would pull through during tough times. Like mulattoman said, how messed up would it be if the roles were switched and he left you for "holding him back." At the same time you need to talk with him more about the situation. Encourage him in a positive manner. Tell him how serious you are and tell him all of your concerns. Don't hold back. Be open about it.If your love has faded then leave him. But don't leave him because of financial issues, that's incredibly shallow.What I would honestly do in this situation is back away, and let him do things on his own to kind of "force" him to step up. He might be milking you. I've had a guy do that to me once... I'm not saying to break up with him, but don't let him abuse your generosity by paying his way through life. One of these days you'll have kids (if you choose to marry him - if he even affords a ring) and you won't be able to work.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 I disagree with poster #1. I think that your fella sounds like he's not very motivated at this point in his life and you guys have different life goals now. I think that you've never been by yourself and that maybe it's time for that change. Being by yourself is a great thing to do for yourself, you get to grow as a person and connect with yourself and your ambitions.
I think you two are just on different wavelengths right now. He needs time to figure out what he's going to do with himself, and he might just need to kick in the butt (you breaking up) to get moving! He's 28 years old, he should be making more progress by now.
I do think he is holding you back and that you'll regret not really reaching your full potential. You're young, this is only your first relationship... get out there and explore the world for yourself.
Sorry Poster #1, you gave great advice but I just really disagree with it! I think that maybe her love for her fella has faded, they're going down two different paths and it's completely okay that she wants to have some time in her life for herself. The boyfriend clearly needs some time too! Co-dependent relationships are often toxic and unhealthy...
Good luck, sweetness!!
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A
female
reader, kellz_B +, writes (23 January 2009):
kellz_B is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you completely, but I just don't know how long I should wait 5 years is a long time to be jobless I have at times had three jobs to support us.
My family and friends have all told me I am wasting my youth and I will end up regretting this for the rest of my life, I ignored them through the whole of our relationship.
How do I know when enough is enough? I am not happy at the moment but I love him.
He only goes to college 1 day a week, He hasn't even been able to have a job interview for a part time supermarket job. How long should I wait? x x
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A
male
reader, mulattoman +, writes (23 January 2009):
 Well if you really loved him, I don't think you'd be torn between the choice of leaving him to "see the world."
If you really love him you'd help him out. Wouldn't you want your lover to do the same for you if you were in that situation? Just because he's a male doesn't mean he HAS to be the #1 provider. I thought we are trying to get rid of gender roles these days huh? If that's not the case, leave him and become a homemaker. That's not right now is it? I didn't think so.
Be there for him, help him get his career. Then you all can save money and see the world and do all the selfish things humans like to do so they can brag and feel good about their lives.
Good luck
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