A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem.There's this one guy that I've been with for more than a year now. He's my first ever really serious relationship. And I really do love him...and could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. And he even proposed that we get married after we're through with all our schooling...and I said yes.But, about 8 or 9 months into the relationship, he stopped being acting as loving and stuff as he did when the relationship was new. And I know that all relationships have little ups and downs like that...but for a period of 3-4 months he wasn't fulfilling my needs at all. He's a really sweet and understanding guy and always takes care of me emotionally, but even after I explained how I was feeling, he couldn't see it. And not that sex is all that matters, but he has a way lower sex drive than I do, which is a little bothersome for me at times.And during that time of him not meeting my needs, I met another guy who is interested in me. I started talking to him and started to like him a bit...and wonder what things with him would be like. It kinda made me panic because for the first time...I wondered what else was out there. If I was too young to be committing myself to something so permanent with the first guy. The easy answer would be leave the first guy because obviously I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet...and if I'm seeing another guy, something's not right with the first guy. But things with him are...stable and predictable. I know he'd never leave me...and we are really compatible. But it's never that simple.I'm scared to leave him because after being with him for so long...I can't imagine life without him. And I think of all the things we have planned for our future and it makes me smile...but at the same time makes me feel claustrophobic, like I'll never know what I might be missing. I'm also scared because I know that the second guy really wants to be with me, but obviously I don't know him as well as I know my boyfriend I've been with for so long...and the unknown area scares me.I have no idea what to do. :/
View related questions:
period, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for responding everyone.
And yes, I love my boyfriend. More than I've ever loved anyone else. And when I think of my life in the future, I think of him in it with me. And he loves me unconditionally.
And you're right, there's no excuse for my cheating. It's really unfair to my boyfriend...he deserves better than that.
It's just now that I've been seeing the other guy, there's this little seed of doubt and the fact that...like I said...this is my first serious relationship...and part of me is wondering if this is really what it feels like to have found that one person.
I guess if I'm questioning it, maybe not. But I still can't imagine being without him.
I just don't know. I don't know what to do with what I'm feeling.
A
female
reader, xDiamondx  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 In my opinion..it doesn't sound as though you love your current boyfriend very much. But it's your decision =)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): If you are trying to choose between two guys, then neither is right for you, because if one of the was you wouldn't be asking the question in the first place.
...............................
A
male
reader, luvbird05  +, writes (18 May 2010):
you should not be disheartened to find yourself in such a dilemma.There are a lot of couples who start feeling the same .Dont take any decision hastily .First of all stop behaving like alice in wonderland because dont expect all flowery notions all the time in a relationship .Any man will not be enthusiastic like they are when the relation is new .Its not that the feelings go away ...they are always there but the quantity of expression decreases.And even if u go with the new guy after some time you will feel the same .Look lady what u think is down ur relationship is actully not down.Actully u both were and a;most all couples are on a high in every sense when a relation starts and now u are just normal.And i will give you a golden suggestion just read men are from mars and women from venus .read this book and u will be grateful to me for suggesting it to you and to the author for writing such a excellent book about relationship.Third is its not quantity of sex that matters but it is the quality .Read this book and then try to excite the guy in every sense like with your talks ,your actions .being in a smooth relation is very easy .remember "the beauty of a relations is not in counting the similarities but compromising the differences .
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): First of all, do you love your boyfriend? Secondly does he love you?
Thirdly, being in a relationship for a long time can change how you feel about eachother. At first you really fancy eachother and start to grow to create a deeper love for eachother. And finally talk to your boyfriend (but be careful) then make you decision.
Hope this helps. Don't give up on something you love!
...............................
A
female
reader, brklynsis81 +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I don't think the feelings you have right now are unusual at your age. It sounds like maybe your current boyfriend and you are both in school? I know the stress of work and school can make focusing on a relationship hard, and it sounds like that is what he is going through. However, it sounds like maybe you love the idea of being with him more than you love him, especially given your lack of experience in relationships.The problem I have with the situation right now is that you are basically cheating on your boyfriend. I think that shows a major lack of respect to him. I think at this point you owe it to him to tell him the truth and potentially break things off for a while. I think if it's meant to be, you will eventually gravitate back to him. But running around with someone else behind his back is so disrespectful, especially if you haven't had to decency ahead of time to talk about what you need from him in the relationship.You can't have your cake and eat it too... if you don't address this situation soon it will likely blow up in your face on it's own.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): hey, i think you should sit down and really have a good conversation about these feelings......you and i both know that sometimes guys just act reatarded so explain it to him in ways simple enough for him to understand ...hope everthing works out
...............................
|
