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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hi all, I come from an Asian country, where hugging is not common. I will be moving to Europe next year for my studies, and perhaps work there. I've lived there for half a year before. During that period of time, I met many people and they hug so much when they meet/say goodbye. Some even kiss on the cheeks. I find it difficult to let them know I do not feel comfortable with the hugging. I'm sure people are just being friendly and polite. Do I risk looking rude if I refuse to hug in future or do I have to fit in and do something I feel completely uncomfortable with?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2015): If you don't want to hug then don't, there are lots of customary things that i would not do. Luckily this custom is not forced on individuals it is open ended,you won't cause any damage if you stay distant. Besides some huggers do it because they are tactile. We are all different and that should be respected. Who knows you may end up enjoying hugging, especially tree's, they can be less prickly.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (17 October 2015):
 My ancestry is from those European countries where they hug and in some situations kiss, then spend time in endless chatter while sipping coffee... and like you I hate it, even though my cultural roots are from there. So I suck it up and do it whenever I have to ... like with my parents who expect it on certain holidays. I found that certain people find it rude if you don't do it particularly on some occasions while others learn you and don't care. So if I was you, I wouldn't worry about hugging on a job because that is a no-no, but I'd be flexible in social settings and hug when I have to but look for ways to avoid it. Plus your niceness in other ways always compensates for something that you think you are doing inappropriate ...so don't dispare on this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 October 2015):
 I don't think you risk looking rude, if you stick out your hand to shake hands instead of hug people.
You have every right to keep your personal space yours.
If someone doesn't notice your need for personal space and "dislike"? of hugs and still try and hug you you can step back just a little step, they should "get it", by that.
Some people are not huggy. And that is OK.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2015): I'm not a huggy person at all. I don't really like to be touched by anyone exept my bf. (I rarely hug my own mother). Its just how I am. I know people who are very touchy though and my bf and his family are from another country and it is custom to do the cheek kissing as well. I just tolerate it to be honest to be polite. But at home with the hugging I just stand off a bit people get to know I'm not keen and if they ask I just make a joke about it. However if someone comes in for the hug I give a brief hug, I wouldn't pull away as I don't like to be rude. I prefer to avoid in the first place though if people are parting ways and hugging I'd stand back smile, wave and creep off! Lol
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 October 2015):
 My husband is from Japan so I understand exactly how you feel. In Japan, they do not hug. When I first met him I was amazed when he told me that they just don't do that and honestly don't know how to do it. With me being American, it was very natural to me and eventually over time he has gotten used to hugging but I can tell that it still isn't natural for him.
He doesn't hug anyone but me though. Anyone else he puts out his hand to shake. If you feel comfortable enough doing that, I would just tell people politely "I'm sorry, its not our custom to hug, may I shake your hand?" Most people will respect your comfort zone.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (16 October 2015):
 Is it really going to put you that much out of your comfit zone? and I'm not asking in a rude way, just asking? I think it is important to be customary in host countries but each to their own. Mind you respecting peoples personal space is important also. Maybe you could simple say that in your country hugging is not something you are used too not making a big deal out of it. I guess you could get in first by sticking your hand out for a shake when meeting people. Of course you still run the risk of being pulled into a hug from there anyway. I think like most things do it enough times and you don't take notice after a while
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