A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyonei'm 21f my problem is my bf is 49 years old!we've been together for 7 years now i love him so much i had sex with him when i was 15. and now i read that i'm attracted to him cuz he fills the space that my father left when he passed away while i was a child. that got me thinking do i really love him for who he is or just for who i want him to be? does he really love me or he was just using me all that time? please i need answers how to make sure. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AnnaW219  +, writes (18 November 2007):
 if you've been with this guy for 7 years he would ahve finished it by now if he was using you and he didnt love you and if you didnt love him you would have broke it off dont worry it's probably getting you worried because of the age difference an if you thinking about the father thing its pobably bacause people look at you and you go all wierd and think people dont like you and people think he is your father just make people no he isn't remember he loves you and you love him maybe you should get married.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): how can this guy be using her after 7 years?????? i was 16 when i started dating my man - he was 33. i got the 'oh he's using you' crap, and i think after 4 years together we have shown everyone!! fair enough - him sleeping with you at 15, or even having a relationship with you at 14 is wrong, however i don't think he is using you. i have also been told that he is like a dad - i have my dad, so there is no need for me to look elsewhere for a father figure. this seems to be a common thing people say to talk you out of being with the older person. i hope this helps. xXx
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (16 November 2007):
 Not only is this guy using you, he was using you while commiting the crime of having relations with a minor. This guy ought to be arrested and locked up. And you who've been with this guy for seven years ought to do some growing up. Where the hell were your parents when you started dating this creep?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): His dating you is (well, at least WAS) illegal and totally immoral. If you had come back saying he raped you or something at that age, there wouldn't be anybody excusing the age gap. They'd be saying the whole thing should never have been allowed to happen.
No decent & mature male dates a 14-year-old when they are in their 40s. There are men who do this, but they are not normal nor representative of decent men. Their behavior should not be excused. He is NOT a decent guy.
And although I am not blaming you for this mess, I think you behaviour in dating & sleeping with him at that age shouldn't be excused either. I know you were nowhere near the age of consent or anything, but being underage doesn't mean we don't ever hold kids responsible for their mistakes. You were old enough to know that it was a bad idea and you pursued it anyway. He gets much more of the blame, but you also get a bit of blame for all this in my opinion too.
Unfortunately your mental image/understanding of what relationships and males are like has probably been mis-shaped by this experience. At least to some extent. How badly things are awry depends on a lot of factors.
I think that you could benefit from some professional counseling.
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A
female
reader, whiteshadow +, writes (15 November 2007):
 wow you went out with 42 yr old when you was 14..thats insane lol altho im not aginst it. I like older men but i geuss not that old...anyway... it does sound like you want some type of father figure but if you both are complately happy then there shouldnt be a problem. For someone to be together for 7 years it takes alot of time and effort. He obviously never used you if you stillr emain together after 7 years hunny.
gd luck with him xx
zara
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