A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Reality check... Do I really have to let her go.My ex girlfriend have split now for over 5 months and I'm still finding it very difficult to move on. We were together for 3 and a half years and most of the time it really was the best time of our lives. We never argued, we laughed all the time at stuff that other people didn't generally understand why? and we enjoyed doing the same things. It was confortable and it felt so right.. The only problem was this was her first experience with a woman and at first she was confused, but then we just dated for a while and she said she just fell in love with me. I fell in love with her, she is amazing in every sense. We met at work, I was actaully her boss which I know was naughty and not the right thing to do, but we were both extremely professional, but the pull for both of us was just too much and therefore it ended up being a secret the duration and still a secret today. Our friendship group have no idea as we all generally hung around together and everyone thought we were just best mates, so leaving and arriving together at parties didn't seem unusal. Neither of our family knew about us and my family still doesn't know about my sexual orientation although I had dated women previously. But as time went on, my ex was worried about what people might think and we did split for about 3 months during our 3 and half year relationship because of this. I think it was a year and half of being together when that happened. But then she came back saying it just has to work because she was in love with me. Anyway to cut a long story short, she went on holiday 6 months ago and she came back feeling a sense of freedom as she said she could just be herself as she went on holiday with her sister. Previously she had been on holiday with one of our friends at work but she never got off with blokes because of this as our friend would have come back and said what a brilliant time they had etc... So going with her sister there was no one that would have come back to tell us all the gossip.. I don't see her family at all.. Before she went on this holiday, we were having a ball, and I thought wow,this is really happening and with her coming back, I did say to her, if you really think this is going to work then say so, but if you have any doubts, please walk away because I couldn't bear it if you were to leave me again.. After her return from holiday, she was acting odd and she didn't even want to see me.. the day she landed I was going to prepare her a lovely dinner as I missed her so much... but later I found out that she actually bonded with a guy on holiday and now they are a couple. She said to me that nothing happened on holiday and still to this day I am not sure whether to believe her. It took her 2 months to break up with me and then 3 weeks later she kissed him on New years eve and probably more. So while I was sitting in my own house and even went away to give her space for a week to think about how we could get through this and convince her that no one would care that we were together, she was having secret phone calls and probably meeting up with him while I was out of the way... this I am not sure of but that is the only way I think of as no one gets together with someone else so quickly after spliting up with you, do they??? Unless of course it's a one night stand. Thank god he doesn't live in our area, but I still see her at work and it's so difficult. Her main reason for ending it with me was because she said she didn't feel comfortable in herself, but I am convinced myself that if she took the courage to tell people about us, we wouldn't be where we are today OR am I just kidding myself. Was this inevidentable that it was destined for failure or was the last 3 and half years a complete lie. How can a woman who says now she is not comfortable be intimate with another woman for this amount of years. We are currently not talking and everyday I have to pull myself together before I enter work knowing that I will bump into her. I can't even turn to anyone at work as I gave her my word that I wouldn't tell a sole... But she even said that us in our bubble was perfect, but outside in the big wide world this is where she was scared and that pull was far greater for her than for her to say how much she loved me. She rather take home a boy to show her family and friends and didn't want the lifestyle... It was the hardest choice for her to make she kept tellng me... But for me, whether this is just being shallow minded, I do see things in black and white and believe that if you love someone, no matter the problem, the consequences (unless it's abuse then thats is completely different) if you truly love someone then does this all matter. I know our families have very traditional beliefs, but I was prepared to tell them because I loved her to bits and she was the one... but she was not prepared to even tell one person, not even her best friend who I know too... We both live in very straight circles although some of my friends know about my past... but her, no. They have no reason to suspect because intially when we split the first time, she did have a one night stand and she fell pregnant and got a termination and i still took her back then after the 3 months?? But did this happen because I was there supporting her or did she come back because she was in love with me.. where did it all go wrong... I find myself somedays being nice and friendly and other days I am just horrible saying how much she has hurt me and that if I could I would just give up work and go somewhere else just to get away.. But my job is so good and I did enjoy it and all my friends are in this area, so its hard make that decision. I can't really believe how quickly she has moved on and when I asked her out right that she is spliting up with me because there is someone else, she said no there isn't and was adamant.. and then I find out from one of our friends coming back from a meeting who talked openly about her going to see her boyfriend... thinking that I would know because we were so close as 'Friends'. So I had to pretend that I knew... But it's really hurting me and I'm not sure what to... i know what I have to do, but not sure how to act, what to do or just leave it and not talk to her ever again? I probably know the answer but the truth is I do want her back as she is the love of my life...
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at work, best friend, ex girlfriend, fell in love, move on, my ex, on holiday, one night stand Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): Hi Summerslady 21
Thanks for your message and I can't believe I wrote so much (am thinking that is why I've only got one response'
So you say your sister discouraged you from being with a woman and you chose that route? I completely understand the lifestyle thing and maybe you are right she did talk to her sister... but I remember drinking one night with her sister and my ex, it was quite early on, probably a year into the relationship and her sister was saying how lucky she was that her own sister had found someone like me... I said, I don't know what you are talking about, we're just really good friends and she said then, no she is really lucky and I wish I had someone like you.. I kind of changed the subject as I didn't know if she was fishing and my ex would have hated me if I had told her sister the truth.. she beg me not to say anything... and right now I wished I had been opened to the truth.. buy you are right about one thing and that is I will never know the truth.. thanks for replying to me, it has a helped x
A
female
reader, summerslady21 +, writes (13 May 2009):
Honey I have been in a similiar situation but I was the one who left! I was engaged to a female we had a wonderful relationship it was fun laughs and lots of love! I didn't know how my family would take it so I thought I could talk to my sister! When I did she pretty much discouraged me from my decision and I left. It was hard because when I had seen her she would cry and just smile! Eventually she moved out of state and started anew. But only to return and be sad again everytime she saw me. It was very depressing for me and I knew I hurt her. So maybe while she was away with her sister she decided to talk to her about it and her sister pushed her out of it! Maybe she did just need to find herself. Honey you'll probably never know the truth and you should try to accept it! Everyone has a someone out there you just have to find them. Good luck honey if you'd like to talk message me I will listen and do my best to give you the best advice.
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