A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, im after some advice please , around 12 years ago i met the love of my life, we saw each other for a year and went our seperate ways due to seveveral miss understandings, weve always kept in contact losely but over the past year we got onto the subject of us again, i told her how i felt and vice versa, we talked about the miss understandings and why weve always said we were happy to each other in the past when we werent fully happy, weve seen each other a few times over the past year and its amazing, true love, nothing els matters when together, the problem is that we are both married and have kids, her marrage is over and she will leave dispite what happens with us, i also know im not in love with my wife like i am her but we get along, dont argue but its more of a brother and sis relationship, but we have a nice home a fantastic son and she is a great mum to him, i love him to bits too and dont want to lose him or make my wife suffer by leaving and selling the house, struggling a little more etc, do i stay to keep the peace and family life happy etc, or do i leave to be with the love of my life and my wife deserves to know weve grown apart and can start again, will my son be ok in time to, whats the thing to do?advice apprechiatedim sure i Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): You met someone and hung about for the length of a measly year? You're bored with your wife; so toss your marriage to the wind, and hop back in-bed with someone you really only know casually. You couldn't get along for crying out loud!
You're thinking with your penis, dude. Your imagination is running away with you.
You're having a middle-aged crisis. You are searching for a change you think it going to add excitement; and make you feel younger again. You want to feel a different vagina. The one you already have, has lost it's elasticity due to giving birth to your son. It's the same old vagina every night. Also growing older, just like you are.
Yhis is just a phase. You've been sitting around figuring out ways to getaway; instead of ways to improve what you have. You want to drop all your responsibilities and follow some far-out impulse. Find something more constructive to do with yourself why don't you?
Seriously?!!
You stayed to keep the peace?
No... you stayed to tend to your marriage, live-up to your vows, and other responsibilities. You're avoiding divorce to avoid the legal hassles. Deluding to some irrational fantasy. Shucking your family for a thrill with another irresponsible daydreamer; and refugee from adult-life.
You want to cheat, and made up some lame "love-of-your-life" rationalization; so you wouldn't come across like an irresponsible immature jerk. This fantasy of you running away with some female you broke up with, in a past failed relationship; is like some cheap and corny novel.
Don't forget, they always have an unhappy ending. The hero dies.
You need to get your head right. You would benefit from finding a good hobby and going to marriage-counseling.
You marriage is in a lull. You're bored, and you're looking to the past to fix it. You're better off looking forward and finding someway to continue "keeping the peace" and preserving your family.
Stop living a fantasy. Comeback to reality, my friend.
The grass seems greener now; but once you're alone and visiting your son on weekends. You'll wonder what the hell you were thinking. Oh, that will be only weeks after you remember why you dumped that other woman in the first place.
A
male
reader, DragonMan +, writes (22 February 2014):
 Greetings,
I hate to be blunt but I will be in this case.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
I don't care if you no longer love your wife, you grew together and raised a family therefore they require your attention.
Cheating in any form is inexcusable and I do not tolerate any suggestion or request to excuse such action.
You may not love your wife but how do you know your wife or even your children will feel if they knew about this?
Think about the bigger picture before you follow your 'heart'
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 February 2014):
 Well I think you need to talk to your wife and let her know you no longer love her and are even considering leaving her.
How is is she doesn't know this? Are you SURE SHE FEELS the same way? It may be more that she's busy running the home and raising your child. Focus does change with life changes such as childbirth.
I think that you two may want to consider some short term marriage counseling to determine if the marriage is salvageable.
"I think my wife deserves to know we've grown apart" If you truly have she's already aware of it.
I do think this is a case of a bit of 7 year itch... so to speak... and the grass is NOT always greener on the other side...
what's to prevent you and "The love of your life" from becoming bored later on too?
Marriages ebb and flow... IF you have truly fallen out of love with your wife that's different but I wonder if maybe you are just a bit bored? Again I think some counseling is in order before you totally shake up your life.
A bit of reality: you will be paying your ex wife should you divorce her, a nice chunk of your salary to support your child EVEN if you have joint custody. You may be court ordered to provide all his medical care and a college fund. The reality of DIVORCE with children is that your life and your INCOME will NOT be available to court and woo and keep happy the "one true love" now the second missus. Your lifestyle with the current wife will not be available for you and your new wife.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 February 2014):
 Would you really consider leaving your wife and child? Your home? for someone you don't really know?
On this site we get hundreds of posts from women (some married) who happen to get involved with another married man and swear blind it's the love of their life who is making promises to live happily ever after with them...except that the bloke will not leave his wife...
I just wondered if you think you are one of those very tiny amount of men who actually WOULD leave or are you like the majority who would rather hold on to their marriage but have another woman on the side?
Whichever way you look at it and whatever you do...someone is going to get hurt and it's NOT ever going to be YOU.
How is your wife so unaware that you no longer love her? You must be a very good actor if you are able to fool her whilst you are already heading for the door?
I agree that we cannot choose who we fall in love with but I think we lose sight of what we have over what we think will make us happy elsewhere. You are approaching the mid life age when you begin to take stock of your life and wonder if you did something wrong or took the path not meant for you.
Thing is, you can fantasize as much as you like but you cannot decieve other people. You absolutely must consider your actions on their lives and it is far better to either walk away and allow your wife to find happiness elsewhere OR forget this other woman and try to fix your marriage...you CANNOT have both, and thinking you can, makes fools out of your wife and child and this other woman.
You have no idea if this other woman is the love of your life because you have not lived with her and not spent enough time with her. Right now things seem exciting and wild but all relationships have to find their own level and you are both standing in very muddy waters!...so life might not be as perfect as you envisage!
Nothing comes without a price to pay...are you willing to pay it? because as I said before, you cannot have it all.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 February 2014):
Misunderstandings? True love doesn't go it's separate ways because of some misunderstandings.
It sounds to me like you have a classic case of the grass being greener on the other side. If you and your wife get along well then you have a lot better relationship than many married people.
Love and passion/romance take work to maintain, why don't you honor your vows and work on your marriage instead of idealizing someone from your past who is almost certainly not as great as you think she is. You're just desperate for some passion. So get it from your wife by working to make your marriage better.
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