A
female
age
41-50,
*akobD
writes:Hi all I just need a second opinion on this burning situation that has been going on for a little over a month now.I have been broken up for a little over a month with my ex-girlfriend. It has been difficult to say the least but, I am pulling through day by day. We both have been on and off for over a year and to boot it was a long distance relationship. To make things worse we both have children (single father) and (single mother). Our children got along wonderfully and so did we when all us of have been together. What led to the breakup was a complete insecurity of mine and maybe I shouldn't have been so scared in the first place of her leaving. The whole thing started when a guy from her past contacted her via facebook for them to chat. Even during that time she told me that she didn't need to talk to him that me being happy was more important to her. Of course I didn't listen to this and said hey go ahead its not a problem. He also asked for her number and again she asked me about it and I told her it wasn't a problem even though deep down inside I did. I had a problem with this because of her checkered past that I thought I had moved through. Well she was on the phone with him at 12:00 at night and to me it was disrespectful of her to do that to me. Even though it upset me I still neglected not to say anything. To boot on the next day she had a problem and she couldn't contact with me because I didn't have access to a phone and so she is on the phone with him again but at a reasonable time. When we talked the following day she got really defensive and went on to say that I was never there for her among other things. Well I felt the situation was getting out of control and that is where I told her we need to not talk for a few hours and let things go for now. When I contacted her that evening and tried to explain why I had the feelings I had she was not happy and went on to say that I did't trust her judgment enough to take care of me. I told her that even though she wasn't coming down to see my son and I that we would still have a good time even though she wouldn't be there. When she heard this she told me that it was fine go out and screw anyone that you want and that she didn't care. Of course that hurt me because I wouldn't dare cheat on her because I knew what it would do to her. Well after she said that I blasted her badly telling her that this is bs and I shouldn't get treated like I am nothing. Thats where I preceded to call her a bitch, whore, scank whore and this was all based on what I knew of her past and I just didn't want these things to happen to me that she did in her previous marriage. I deleted my pics off of her facebook of my son and I and changed her facebook status to single. After that I contacted the guy to find out what was really going on between the two of them and thats where he told me that nothing was going on between the two. I emphatically apologized to him and told him how much of a douchbag I was to allow something like that to happen. I am always cool calm and collected and in this particular situation I didn't exhibit that and hurt someone I loved so much. Because I felt like a butthead I took a 7 hour drive to her home to apologize for my actions and that I was stupid and irresponsible. I know that it was a one time slip up and I knew and know that I am better than that. Because of my outbursts on her I told her then that I would go to therapy for that issue and it would never in a million years happen again. Even though she still opted to leave I have gone on with therapy for at least 6 weeks now and am making huge strides in understanding why I had an outbursts and not to do things like that in the future. Not only did I hurt her I hurt my son with my actions because this woman was amazing to my son and the devastation it has had on him is really evident. I am improving as a person and father but I can't seem to completely forgive myself for this mistake. I know it will take time to heal it just hurts so much that she is not here anymore because of that incident. I know now that no matter how much love you give that one incident can destroy all of that in one swinging motion. My question is this: I miss her tremendously and I love her so much. Do I just cut my losses and chalk it up to experience as a lesson learned or do I go to piece my family back together? I know I did wrong and I am very devastated on my actions so please no smart remarks. I beat myself up enough over what I did to her and what it has done to my son. I just miss her, her kids, and what we had. She knows that I love her very much and she also knows how sorry I am.
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ex girlfriend, facebook, her past, long distance, my ex, swinging Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AuntyMaur  +, writes (27 November 2010):
 Without trust there is no relationship. You have done nothing wrong other than love this person. In my opinion move on - talking to an ex partner late at night while your there is disrespectful. Move on you will find love again.
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