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female
age
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anonymous
writes: [Moderator Note: Additional information posted under heading 'Am I being unfair to my ex-girlfriend?' Link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-being-unfair-to-my-ex-girlfriend.html]Hi I'm in a bit of a quandry. I was with my ex for 6 years and I walked out last March because I felt like she was just with me out of habit. The problem is I just disappeared and she still needs 'closure'. She has phoned me from time to time and we've chatted over the phone. I must admit I wasn't very nice to her but I think she still loves me. I am bitter cos of an angry text she sent me soon after I walked out. I didn't tell her I was walking, I just saw blanked her. She said she sent the text cos her friend was egging her on and she was desperate to see me or speak to me. She still wants to meet up. I have mixed feelings. Do I owe her anything? We knew each others kids and all went away together and had Xmases together etc and she says im treating her like she was a 'one night stand'. I do still care about her but I am messed up because of my divorce and angry about that text. I must admit I had sent her a nasty email just after I blanked her and walked out and she said in the text that her friends said she should send that email to my boss. I work as a policeman so I panicked when she said that. She never did send it to my boss and she said she just sent the text in anger egged on my one of her friends. She is actually not a bad person and I must admit that most women would not have taken a lot of the stuff I have thrown at her. I don't really have any good friends as such to talk to and I am not really in touch with my family and sisters much. My ex GF's friends dont like me much I dont think and this doesnt help. I would appreciate any advice if anyone has a minute. Cheers. Mick.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): Did you feel NOTHING for her after 6 years?? Not even enough to tell her that you were leaving her? Yes- after 6 years you clearly owe someone that much.As clearly as if you had written it into a contract, after 6 years, assuming no repudiatory action by the other party; you AT LEAST owe it to the other person to tell them and to talk to them about deciding to leave them!You even claim that you still care about this person- then are you completely cold to have treated her so cruelly??And yet you have the nerve to complain about her sending you an angry email?? -What did you expect? -the common curtesy that didn't show to her?I think you need to have a long hard look at the way you treat people.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 Are you really almost 60 years old? DUH?????
You have no right to demand anything or expect anything. You deserted her and dissapeared?
I had it happen to me once with a GF and 14 months later I got a drunken text in the middle of the night from her saying I 'M SORRY I HURT YOU!
I had already moved on and deleted her from my life but she went to great lengths to find my phone number just so she could assuage her own guilt at literally walking out of my life without a trace. It was the most selfish thing I could have imagined and it messed me up bigtime.
Closure is very overrated. There is really no such thing as its really just a buzzword. But in this case I suggest you let her go off on you...you deserve it. You should know better, flatfoot!
Just another reason I can't stand cops
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A
female
reader, Accountable  +, writes (14 November 2009):
 Reading that actually makes me fairly angry, I'll be honest. You were with this girl, apparently wasting her time, for 6 years and you're too much of a coward to tell her why you walked out on her? What the hell has she done thats horrible enough to merit being completely blanked by someone she once trusted and loved? And not even just abandoning her as though she doesnt have any feelings, but sending her abusive messages? And then being more concerned about the security of your job than how you made her feel? And having the nerve to be indignant about a nasty text she sent you?? Sounds to me like she's better off without you, but she deserves an explanation (and by the sounds of it an apology..), as do her children (who have effectively just been abandoned by a father figure). As for her friends not liking you, can you honestly tell me that you don't see why?
Reading this reply back, it might seem like I'm being harsh and judgemental, which I am not usually the type for. But I stand by what I've said, and I hope you man up and do whats right by everyone here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): One of my ex's dumpt me over the phone (okay, i wasn't with him for 6 years) but still it hurt and more so because i was cut out of his life completely .... i moved on because i had no choice but to, it was good for me in the long term because i wasn't left thinking "oooh there might be chance of getting back together". However i just recently met back up with my ex after 3 years of not being in each other's lives and i must admit that it did give me closure ... i got to say a mutual goodbye finally, if that makes any sense. It helped me and i feel better for it :) Hope evrything works out for you.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (14 November 2009):
 Yes, you owe closure. You don't have to get back together, but after six years, she deserves to have her feelings taken into account here. She's a person too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): Of course you are wrong dude---if the reason why you broke it off with her is because, she was just with you "out of habit" that should have been easy to tell her. Honestly, I don't think that is the reason why you ditched your ex in that rude manner. Maybe you never had true, real and strong feelings for her, maybe you just got tired of the relationship, maybe you just want your freedom to date and see what else is out there (which ain't much let me warn you). To be with this woman for 6 years, share your life with her for 6 years, make love (or sex) with her for 6 years and all the other stuff - how can you just walk away without a word??? On top of that, you were still talking to her after the break up and you admitted that you knew she loved you, so why treat her in such a dirty, foul and mean manner? Come on man...be a man and just tell her the truth. At least give her the closure she is looking for...if the shoe were on your foot and you were in love or crazy about a woman that just walked out of your life after 6 years, you would want closure too---believe me you would.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): Of course you are wrong dude---if the reason why you broke it off with her is because, she was just with you "out of habit" that should have been easy to tell her. Honestly, I don't think that is the reason why you ditched your ex in that rude manner. Maybe you never had true, real and strong feelings for her, maybe you just got tired of the relationship, maybe you just want your freedom to date and see what else is out there (which ain't much let me warn you). To be with this woman for 6 years, share your life with her for 6 years, make love (or sex) with her for 6 years and all the other stuff - how can you just walk away without a word??? On top of that, you were still talking to her after the break up and you admitted that you knew she loved you, so why treat her in such a dirty, foul and mean manner? Come on man...be a man and just tell her the truth. At least give her the closure she is looking for...if the shoe were on your foot and you were in love or crazy about a woman that just walked out of your life after 6 years, you would want closure too---believe me you would.
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A
male
reader, manaja +, writes (14 November 2009):
To be honest you dont owe anybody anything! Times when ive asked why people finish with me the way they do and all I get back is "please lets not go there ", these days , I just dont bother asking, they have to get over it as im sure one day you may have too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): Mick, As a female that has witness this type of benhavior I will tell you right off the bat that you angered me BUT I think that I understand you because I recently did that minus the nasty e-mails and or texts... I jsut broke all contact with this guy, he was mean to me and I heard that he said that he didn't know what he did but I'm just not going to let someone treat me like that and "pretend" he didn't know better... anyways let me offer you what I was thinking as I read your storyWhy do you have to be so rude to her?, what did she do to you for you to be so disrespectful to her?, you had some type of romantic relationship in the past, out of decency you should have had a talk with her and explain what happened... I don't understand why you have to hurt her?.. UNless she is crazy psychopath, a decent "Look Laura, Im sorry but my feelings for you have changed, I don't feel the same anymore and I wish to break all contact between us, you are a good person, don't waste your time on me" would've saved you and her a lot of time and frustration... SO YES, you need to let her know that your position/feelings won't change and for her sake, give her the green light to move on!!!! I don't understand why men can't just be plain honest? and then they wonder why we are crazy!
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