A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi! My husband is working in a call center for almost 3 years now. We have been married for 2 years and 8 years as gf/bf. I saw a picture of my husband and his girl officemate that is so close and i can't help to ask if there is something between them.. I discovered small things like wrong information about the girl told by my husband, like the girl is married, but i saw in facebook that the girl is still single. That the girl is looking for love. I search her YM id and add her to my friends list. Unfortunately she declined by request. by the way, the reason why im so confused now is that my husband is now active with his officemates night out that he ignore my txt and call when his with his group. Do i need to approched the girl? Since i have lots of information that he is closed with my husband?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2010): I agree with Jmtmj, definitely approach your husband about this. If you approach the girl, your husband is bound to find out anyway, as she will probably tell him. And then he might get upset that you did not talk to him about it, and it might make him feel like you are being secretive in trying to find out information. That's if there is nothing going on.
And if there IS something going on, again, I think you will get a better picture of what is happening if you ask him, and not this girl. If you ask him and he seems reluctant to answer, or if you sense that something is wrong, then I think it would be okay to then approach the girl. But for now, at this early stage, try and talk to your husband, and explain your concerns to him.
A
female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (12 November 2010):
Hello. The issue you have here is one of distrust and suspicion. Never fun. You have no idea if they are just friends but you have that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that something isn't right
The problem with confronting anyone on suspicion of an affair, is that if they are having an affair they are going to deny it and if they are innocent they are going to deny it. If you ask your husband or the girl at work, they are both going to say no. The only way you can prove and affair is with evidence.
So, what do you have? A photo. Her status on facebook saying she is single and your husband has told you she is married and an office night out where he didn't answer the phone. A photo - well, I haven't seen it so I can't comment on the 'closeness'. Facebook status? Well, maybe she is separated from her husband and considers herself single. Maybe your husband is mistaken or maybe he is lying to you. As for the office night out - people often miss calls at office night's out.
If people are conducting an affair, they need a time and a place to do it. If you discover, that your husband now has regular evening office activities, where his phone is switched off, then that would need further invesigation.
If he starts to change his appearance and/or routine -, leaves for work earlier, returns later (perhaps taking a shower), has mileage on the car that can't be explained, takes cell phone calls in another room or leaves the room when it calls, suddenly has an old friend call him from out of the blue that he is meeting up with, receipts that can't be explained, cash withdrawals that can't be explained, suddenly gives you gifts for no apparent reason-these are potential signs that he is cheating.
I would suggest at this stage, that you list his activities. When time does he get up, go to work and return. Has he taken up any new hobbies (going to a gym in the evening). Does he have a new buddy or an old buddy he's starting seeing after work?
The point is, direct asking rarely if ever works and unless you find a way through the suspicion (letting it go or pursuing for further evidence) it will just eat you up.
The best of luck to you.xx
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 If you must approach anybody, approach your husband... no good will come from approaching his friend.
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