A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 4 years now, married for 1 year and 4 months and we have 2 beautiful boys, nearly 3 and 6 months. 4 weeks ago he said to me that he was unhappy and that he felt empty. Subsequent conversations have revealed that he loves me as a friend but just doesn't feel the way he used to. I am devastated because I still love him with all my heart and I don't want to lose him. We went counseling and he said that he feels he resents our house and our relationship because it was a lot of pressure really quickly. He feels we probably didn't spend enough time together before our first son was born and we didn't have a chance to solidify our relationship. He has said he is willing to try and work on things for the sake of everything we have built together but in all that he is not really doing it for me, just our children.He has decided to move in with his mother to see if being away makes him realize how much he loves and misses me but part of me feels this may be the last time we live in this house as a family. I am trying to hold it together for the sake of our children but I feel like I'm falling apart.Is there anything I can do to make this better or do I just need to accept that my marriage is over? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (13 September 2009):
 This is really a tragically heart warming situation. In a way, he doesn't see what he has right in front of him.
I think what's bothering your husband is that he has suddenly felt a great deal of pressure, with a home, wife and 2 kids to support -- he's overwhelmed.
Moving to his mother's house isn't going to solve this problem. The pressure's going to still be there and the two of you will be lonely.
The remedy here is simply finding ways to relieve the stress that he's feeling. Right now he's competing with a monthly payment, and two children to get your attention; which apparently he needs desperately.
He doesn't feel the love there, because, he doesn't feel it was solidified earlier. However, you two had a great deal of time together before, so its probably solid, he just doesn't know it.
I don't know what the counselor said. Sometimes they offer advice, sometimes they just sit back and see if the couple with some prodding can come up with something workable.
But what I think you need to do is to find a great deal of time, in between the children, to be together. That means finding nights during the week when the kids can have a baby sitter, maybe his mother can watch them; and you two can go and enjoy yourselves.
The baby's a problem for him because right now the infant probably takes up a great deal of time on your part and probably his too.
But if you can clear the time and just be together. Try rekindling the affection and intimacy that you two shared before. He probably thinks of you as a friend because he's not getting that and wondering to himself why bother?
If you've got kids they wear you down and I think he's just hurting for some attention and some affection.
Don't get me wrong, he loves the kids, but with all that's going on he has stress and no way to unwind it. He wants you to help but probably thinks your too tired and involved in other things to do that for him.
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