A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I broke up at the beginning of November, and despite how adamant I was about making things work, she said we were going along two different paths in life and that it would only hurt us more to try and stay together (she's at a different college and will go to Law school while I'm graduating this year and am planning on working) Even through my best efforts to change her mind, she rejected me along with our 2 year relationship and 6 year friendship.She started dating a new guy within a week, which made me feel like absolute garbage. I didn't know how it could of happened. She was always so sweet and considerate but she nearly changed over night and decided to end things. Depression hit for a while until the help of friends got me out of it.Well she contacted me last month and we met for coffee on her request so she could get some things off of her chest. She made it very apparent that she still really cares for me and realized what she gave up. She still thinks its too hard for us to be together and is still dating this other guy, even though she expressed to me she doesn't feel much for him. I left quite confused. Obviously I'll always care for her deeply; I was in love with her and would have done anything for her and those feelings still remain, especially now that I know she still cares a lot.Now I've finally met another wonderful girl! She's very very gentle and kind and we get along very well. She's expressed a lot of interest in me, but I'm scared to lead her on. I still don't feel I'm over my ex. I still think of her often and feel as though I'm waiting for her to wake up and realize that if being together made her happy then she shouldn't be afraid to try and make our relationship work, no matter what bumps we hit along the way. If I knew she was over me and had moved on I would have no problem here, but knowing that she still has feelings just makes me sick in the heart. I'm so confused on what to do.Do I move on and go out with this other amazing girl? I don't want to risk hurting her by getting her into this mess and having me not committed to her. But then again, I can't just sit around and wait for my ex to wake up, even though I love her.Please shed some light on this for me. Much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2011): You go girl! Feels nice too right and KNOW it's only going to get better! God Bless.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again everyone. I have decided to move on from it all and have started dating this new girl.
However, I was 100% honest with her from the front. I explained my previously relationship, how it ended, and how a part of me will always care for her no matter how badly I was treated. I wanted her to know everything before deciding to get involved with me and wanted it to be her choice.
She accepts that I have emotional baggage and I promised that if my ex ever contacts me that she'll be the first to know so we can talk about it together. I think it'll be a nice healthy start to a relationship since it will rely on a lot of communication.
Thanks again everyone :) I had my first peaceful sleep last night since my break up, which is a great sign.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): Think about this. The girl you're with didn't send you here from stress. Your ex is causing ruckus all over again that's why you're here. Do you really want the hassle? You have a keeper. Erase the ex. Don't even respond to her when she contacts you again. Just vanish.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): My ex kept doing this to me and I fell for it a few times. I don't hate my ex I just told her to stay out my life, because she wasn't adding anything positive to it just taking away which I didn't see until I met my amazing friend. On top of that my ex is a compulsive liar. She told me she wasn't with her husband for years but she still with him which she doesn't even know I know, amongst other lies I knew all along and have learned since then. There's a reason why an ex is an ex so I recommend you tell your ex thank you but no thank you and embrace, cherish and treasure your friend. God Bless.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the great answers everyone. I guess I kind of always knew I'd have to move on from my ex. In fact, I was very prepared for it until she met with me and exclaimed how much she still cared. That felt like a backwards step for me since I had gone from fully prepared to move on and date again back to thinking about her every day.
I'm sure most of you have been through relationships, so I think you realize how little sense it makes to continue caring after everything she did; but then again, you also completely understand why I still care. I loved her and would have done anything for her, and that isn't something that can just change over night. Even though she treated me terribly, I still want the best for her and will always care about her well being. It wasn't just because we dated for two years, but we also have been friends since high school.
Mostly, I don't want to risk these feelings I still have becoming overbearing in a new relationship. It wouldn't be fair to the new girl at all. She's so sweet and caring and she doesn't deserve all this emotional backlash from me (she has enough going on in her life right now without my problems)
I guess I'll just have to talk to her and be 100% honest. I'll give her the entire story of me and my ex as well as where I am currently and give her the choice. If she still wants to date or if she decides its too much to handle at the moment, its up to her.
Thanks again guys and girls.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): Don't feel sorry for her. It's not your problem that she's wallowing in regret that she caused. She had her chance with you but she messed it up. She's jealous because you've met an amazing girl that can give you what she knows she can't. The next time she calls you be nice and tell her that you do not want anything more to do with her because she needs to focus all of her attention on finding a way to turn the misery she feels with her man into something good. It's not your place to clean up her misery behind her unwise choices. You seem happy with the new girl and she sounds real kind, thoughtful and sweet so don't the miserable girl manipulate you to her dark gloomy inconsistent hole. Also be certain to inform your new girl that the other one has reappeared and that she has no reason to be threatened because you're going to tell her to go away and stay away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): She's kicking herself in her own ass because karma showed it's face and showed her that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. Now she gloating in misery because she knows that she didn't realize how good you were for her until after she treated you like crap and then casually tossed you out the window not even caring if you would get damaged in your fall and hit. She came back into your life to test the water. She wants to know where your heart stands with her so she can once again fuck you over. Don't engage at all with her again. Enjoy the angelic woman you are with. Your ex is still playing immature, deceitful games. Heck, she met up with you behind her current boyfriend's back, stabbing him in the process to say the least. You don't need that kind of craziness in your life again. Your ex is still the same drama piece she was when you two parted. You have grown, but unfortunately she has not as clearly visible by her past behavior still present. If she was worth even your slightest bit of reconsideration, she would have stepped back to your plate learned, mature, and of a heart remorsefully, honestly and respectfully straight. My recommendation is tell her that you and her are indeed at different point in your life and you have surmounted her league. Never allow her or anyone for that matter in your life who can only serve to rob you of your unguaranteed precious moments. Your ex girlfriend's one minute speech was nothing more than another waste of your time as she couldn't even back up her words at that 'coffee meeting.' Her proof wasn't even in her pudding.
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I would try to move on. The other girl you had a strong relationship with is dating other guys, and it seems like she's just trying to keep you because it's hard for her to deal with you moving on like she has. Date this new girl and slowly move back from the old one. stay friends, but add distance. This distance will make it easier.
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