A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, there's one thing i'm wondering myself all the time. When a man fell for a lass, would he want to be in contact regularly and yet would want to know how's thing going with that girl? I lost my faith in love since my first love failed years ago. So i need your thoughts and advices.Well i've known my fella for over 3 years and it was online. I live in Asia, he lives in Europe. I'm not rich, he's quite poor. He hadn't confessed his feeling but based on what he'd done and said, he'd liked me for over a year. It came to a promise he made to come visit me last year. But then he said, he got a good job offer for Christmas which could help him save more money to stay longer when he came visit me. I said yes and supported him to get that offer.Then we haven't talked that often next few months after that. And till Feb we started talking again (but not everyday). Then he decided to come visit me and he did last July (it happened since i noticed him i might get engaged). We had a great 2 week time together. Then in the very last days, he told me he was with a woman 6 months ago, she loved him so much but he didn't feel right. More info added, that he got hurt from his first love and it's been 7 years he couldn't get over her until this year, he said he feel the most comfortable this year and he thinks he gets over. At that time i thought i was a fool coz i believed he was totally into me for a whole year but then i felt more opened and realized, who knows an online fellow could turn into anything real. As i went out with a man too at the time i nearly gave up on him.So after we said goodbye at the airport, he got back home. He asked about my future plans and said he was hoping to work on some plans for both of us. And he wanted to get me to his hometown next year.Presently he's been on a trip to America for 1 month and a half. At the beginning, he wrote an email in 3 days, then in 6 days. I know he's travelling now busy exploring things but as i've heard as long as he loves you, he will find a way to contact you often. Though we haven't said "love" to each other yet. But we've shown how we feel for each other. He's a kind of dreaming person. He always say, we can win lottery ticket then we have the money to get me over there. I don't like that way of thinking, not practical. I don't mind he's poor, but as long as we work hard, we can work it out.One of my mate in England told me it's cost alot for a trip to Asia from Europe and yet i obviously means something to him. But i don't know if that's truth or he was fooling around me during the trip and sweet words afterall.Any thoughts and advices would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks EtTuBrute! You just gave me a good point of view.
For more info, we've met online and talked for over 3 years. In Valentines Day last year, he came more often to talk to me. He showed that he cared and said so too. He said that he liked me and would have wanted to take all the risk to meet me in person to see how it would be between us. Coz both of us no fancy online relationship.
I should have not got mad at him being with a woman 6 months ago (when we not often talked), coz i went out with a guy too. Honestly, i did mostly give it up on him. I thought it would not work and it's silly.
I honestly got a proposal from the guy i met before i met him in person. But it's been pending since i wanted to meet him first to make a decision. He knew that since i told him during his stay. He told me he might not give me a good future as he couldn't not promise anything. So i decided to have a holiday romance and forget everything. The day he left, he didn't ask me to choose him, but only said he will come back and keep persuading me to come visit his hometown.
He got hurt from his first love 7 years ago. He met some women afterwards but have been long coz he didn't love them. So he said i'm a very important to him but he doesn't want to hurt me at any reasons. He said, he would accept us to be friends than losing me forever. I wonder, when they love, they fight for it to get that person even for one day, is it?
He did say, he can move to my town or i can move there. So we both can work it out. I said, it won't work since i know men have those needs. He said, we're human not animal, once he decides to be with someone, he will wait for so long.
He hasn't said he loves me. I know 2 weeks is too short to say those 3 big words. Coz i myself also need time to consider that's love or not. For now it's a temporary madness. So i wonder, would i be just like one of those women he had been with, and he still not gets over his first love?
Anyhow after he left, i sent him a letter with a CD, told that i think i'm ready for an adventure with him in it. He was very happy. He's not a strong man but a sensitive quiet man and very hard to read what he thinks.
Perhaps i should hand it to fate's hand and see what happens. I believe if it's mine, it will be mine.
Thank you for your reading and advices.
A
female
reader, EtTuBrute  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 Well, it's hard to give you a definite yes or no because the background is a bit confusing here.
From what I understand, you met him online and have been talking for over a year. Then he came to meet you and those two weeks were wonderful until he told you he had been seeing someone else.
Well, did you ever define your relationship? Did you ever say that you wouldn't see anyone else but each other? Were you two just chatting and forming an attachment? Did he know that you wanted to be in a committed relationship with him?
If you were in a relationship, then obviously he's done wrong. He wasn't as committed to you as you were to him.
If he thought that it was okay and that it wasn't cheating because you two were just talking online, I think you need to define your relationship with him. Talk to him and let him know that if he wants to be with you, he cannot be seeing other women.
Long distance relationships can be rough because you don't know if he's with another woman unless he tells you. There is a little redemption in the fact that he did tell you though. Maybe he didn't realize it was wrong until it was too late. Once he met you he could have realized that your relationship was something other than what he thought. Also, ask yourself if you can trust him after he's done this.
I also don't like his way of thinking. You're chances of winning the lottery are zero to none. If he wants to make a home for you, he'll work hard and try to better himself so he can. Money isn't just going to fall into his lap.
Sorry for the many answers but I'm just giving "situational" answers. Hopefully, my answer will help you. I wish you luck!
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