A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I few years ago I fell in love with a much younger man, in a very strange way. I never acted on it. He was in love with me too, but we never did anything about it. As it was hopeless in so many ways. One is I'm married and have children, they are older now, but still very close to me. It came as a shock, but I found myself in a very big hole down on the bottom. So no cheating, no marriage damage. We both knew it was not going to happen. I started to get obsessed, I couldn't get him out of my mind, and slowly I felt, I can't stop thinking about him. Dreams, fantasies.We were all friends, my husband and him. We had good times. But when the tension was growing, we stopped the friendship. Now it's been years since then, and I still feel the effect of this. My husband is my real man I love him with all his flaws, but when this young man came to my life, I felt coming alive again. He made me laugh, and we had an incredible chemistry. I noticed, that this feeling slowly undermined my relationship to my husband. I think secretly I was mad at him, that I let this thing slide. Now I don't think of him as much, but the damage had been done. See, we were doing the right thing, there was no reality to this love. He would never want to go through to all that challenge, nor me .Meanwhile my husband started to pull away from me, as he sensed all this. I sort of told him about that, but it didn't really do too much. So I wonder, what does it say to you? So if you listen to your head, instead of your heart, you will still not get away from the truth?I hope it was understandable, I know it's kind of complex. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear it.. Cheers
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female
reader, chocolatetpots +, writes (10 February 2008):
Hi, I would put this down to experience! risk what you have or lose it is the motto here.You know the risks and your husband knows the truth, play the game and you lose big style!choice is yours.Good luck! Angie
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (9 February 2008):
 Hi. Your question isn't clear, but this sounds like a matter of gambling to me. How brave are you?
You are not writing in saying I'm in an unhappy marriage , I need to get out. You're saying, I think I've met someone better than my husband. And the risks of the gamble aren't so bad now. So - how brave are you?
Good luck Richard
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2008): So what does this tell you, if you listen to your head instead of your heart you still can't get away from the truth? This is not complex, this is called lack of commitment to your husband.
You will never know true love until you make the concious decision to be commited in love...to be a person worthy of love, this is all about verbs, love is action, it is not just nouns or feelings...those just sort of come and go a lot of time with the mood we are in, and are often a reflection of the laziness that we have allowed to creep into our love relationships. You have to make sacrifices, like not falling for little boys when you have the man of your dreams living life with you by your side....sure a younger man may have breathed new life into your stale one, but that is not the truth...it is a fleeting emotion that you have let take hold on your heart....that is a decision you made with your head, and you can decide to turn towards your husband again and work to get the trust and love and fun back into your marriage...if you need help with that, go to a marriage counselor or see a therapist on your own to work out these issues you have around "falling" for another man.....it is easy to fall in love, much harder and more complex to live love every day with the same man.
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A
female
reader, LRplus10  +, writes (9 February 2008):
Listen to your Heart or your head.....I would hope in time these to can meet. Your heart and head should united. If they are not trouble trouble..........If this younger man was in your head trust me your heart let him in.........True love is united both head and heart
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A
female
reader, LRplus10 +, writes (9 February 2008):
Listen to your Heart or your head.....I would hope in time these to can meet. Your heart and head should united. If they are not trouble trouble..........If this younger man was in your head trust me your heart let him in.........True love is united both head and heart
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A
male
reader, niceguy07 +, writes (9 February 2008):
 the young man or the man who has been there through everything. its hard. do u stay with your husband becuase u feel bad for him or go for the young man who u know wont get married to you? you cant have your cake and eat it too so its a matter of whether you want to stay married or hook up one last time.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (9 February 2008):
 While reading your post, I'm not entirely sure what you're asking of us. You have fallen for another man, even though you loved and respected your husband at the beginning. Now your husband has sensed your interest in someone else and has reacted accordingly. What are you asking of us? To have a fling with the man of your interest? Or to focus your attention back on your spouse? Only you can answer that one. Your kids are grown now, so what do you really want in your life? Can you see yourself staying with your spouse for the next 20 years? Or do you see that it's time for a change? So much to decide! This new man is a huge gamble because even though you've shared some intense feelings for each other, you really don't know if it's real or just a fantasy. You won't know this until you break free from your marraige and give this man a chance. And there's the gamble. Because you must burn one bridge to cross another. Then there's no going back. Are you ready to do that? Please examine your feelings carefully. Do not be careless with the weight of your marriage. It has been your blanket through the storms for however long you've been with this man. Perhaps you would be wise not to be lured away so easily. So search your heart thoroughly and know that there's no going back once you've made your decision. Perhaps it's time for a new love. Perhaps not. Only you can decide what's more important; the history and love you've shared or the gamble on something new. I wish you the best. Please choose carefully.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 I am glad your head is still stuck on your body. Imagine if you had listened to your heart, where would you be today? You should treat your husband well and focus on him only. Do not be distracted by those temptations.
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