A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I want to ask people's opinion on how a man I've been seeing feels about me. Sometimes I feel he's really into me, but I can start to think negatively about it quite quickly.I've been used to being the one with the power in relationships (mostly) and have had trouble trying to stop men trying to commit etc, so this is new for me. We met about two and a half years ago and he made it very obvious he liked me, was flirty etc but he's a flirty person so it took me a while to take it seriously. He asked me out after a year or so of seeing each other very sporadically socially for a year. I really liked him by this point and he did me. We met for a drink and the chemistry was off the scale. We ended up making out in my car like a couple of teenagers. We've gone for walks, he's taken me out on his bike for the day, took me out for my birthday during the day, I've gone to his house to watch films and make out and he's been to my house many times for the same reason. I did go over to his house one evening last year and he was going to take me out for dinner. I was ready to leave and he was changing his shoes, but I just pushed him back on the settee and we came up for air about two hours later! He's never talked about going out for dinner again! I guess I set the scene for this relationship. I had sexual activity with him much quicker than anyone else. Just could not help myself. I find him endlessly attractive and sexy. When we meet at each other's houses, we manage to utter a couple of sentences before we're ripping each other's clothes off like in a film. He used to make some effort to look as if he wanted to talk to me first, but we've done away with the pretence and recognise that we just can't keep our hands off each other. We only meet up like this about once a month. We also meet up a couple of times a week to dance, something we would both be doing anyway, but we have, over this past year that we have been seeing each other, gone to some lengths to make sure we go to the same venue. Not been that easy as venues have closed and we live an hour away from each other. He's busy with two businesses and he doesn't see me as often as I would like. I rarely ask or suggest to see him as it's usually met with a refusal because he's busy. He explains why and apologises but now I no longer initiate any meetings. We sometimes used to meet before or after dancing for a drink or a coffee but we haven't done that for ages. He often mentions how knackered he is and he isn't in the best of health and I have my moments too. We're not spring chickens anymore. He reaches out to me most days through text. I would say he initiates 85% of the contact. This has been happening for over a year now. He's complimentary when I see him, he remembers what I've said by text and asks me about things. He's emotionally mature and interested in the same things as me. He seems to really care about me and any misgivings I have when I'm not with him disappear when we're together cos it all feels ok. I've recently realised that he isn't as confident as I thought and so sometimes I've told him in plain language about something I'd like him to do and he does it if he can. For instance I was away for the weekend recently and so was he. He sent a text saying have a nice weekend because I think he doesn't want to impose and instead of feeling hurt that I wasn't going to hear from him again and say nothing which is what I would normally do, I asked if he couldn't text anymore, he said he would if he could and he texted me way more than I was expecting. I can be very cool and noncommittal because I don't want to be clingy. Could be he's misinterpreting this. Anyway my doubts stem from the fact that we no longer meet outside of dancing other than to rip each other's clothes off roughly once a month and that if a good female friend of his is coming to the same dance venue, he walks in with her having met her for a drink first. I know they are just good friends and he does have a lot of female friends cos he's a special and really lovely man who gets on well with women as people. He's busy and wants to see his friends as well as me I'm sure, but it leaves me feeling that I like him more than he likes me. What do you think?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2016): Hello Cindy Caress
Thanks for your answer and you're right. If he wanted to he would. I keep telling people the same thing on this site. But when it's you that's involved and you know that you have such a lovely time together when you are together, it gets a bit difficult to see the wood for the trees.
Yea I am a good dancer, been doing it for years and we dance well together as he was a dance teacher previously. We have extremely passionate intimacy let's call it then and yes we do rip each other's clothes off and make each other cum numerous times in an evening. There are ways you know and yes oral is something I love to do and he loves me to do it :-)
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 July 2016):
 Ok, I am going to start with a dumb,dumb,dumb question- forgive me , I have my " burnt lightbulb " moments like everybody-
You say that you have an STD and can't have penetrative sex . And, I suppose, oral neither. And you say that just very recently he got around to touch you intimately .
Well, when you met once a month and you were ripping your clothes off each other - you did that for doing what ?...I mean, with so many unfortunate limitations to your sexual expression,- maybe it would have made sense to keep your clothes on and just go to the movies :).
I am sure that I must be missing some logical passage. OK, I have no problems in admitting it.
Anyway : yes, from what you say it sounds as if you like him more than he likes you.
You know why ? Because you are the one writing to us , not him :).
At the end of the day life is much simpler than we think.
You talk about " pussyfooting " . it's all a " maybe he thinks that I think that he thinks ....".
99% of times it's much less complicated than that :
if people really want to do something, they'll do it. And if they do NOT do a certain something, it's just because they don't want to.
As Aunts we should know, since all the times we are basically yelling from behind our PCs : Noooo, please, don't get pregnant at 15 ! Noooo, please, don't take up with a married man ! Don't take back a guy who's cheated on you already 7 times !
If there's a strong desire or motivation to do something, people will do it. Wheter it's agreat idea or not. Even if they are shy, have been hurt in the past, are very busy with work , fear rejection, .... add whatever reason.
If he does not ask you out for coffee anymore , or does not accept your invites to meet more often- it's because he does not want to. He is not motivated enough, he does not wishes it enough to make it happen.
So he likes you just enough for keeping your relationship at the level it is now. Dancing a couple of times a week- and why not ? Maybe you are a good dancer. And clothes off with some degree of intimacy once a month.
That means he likes you - somewhat. Up to a point. And maybe less of how much you'd want him to like you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2016): Hi OP hereThanks for your answer. It was very well put I thought, thank you. I did forget to mention that I have an STD and that worries him and I also cannot have penetrative sex, but he's still here. I have never pressured him into seeing me or getting in touch with me. He has only recently started to gain confidence in touching me very intimately. I have never forced this because I want him to be comfortable with what he's doing.There are many women around at dancing and he is popular, so he could easily find someone else. He isn't given to being wordy or romantic, but he has talked about having feelings for me and chemistry. I have said twice in this year, when I wasn't sure if he felt the same way about events that have happened i.e. wanting to see me and when something went wrong one evening he said he was disappointed too and I wasn't to think for a minute that he wasn't and he really engaged my eyes when he said it. If I say it's nice to hear he feels the same way, he says 'Take it as read'. Neither of us likes to put the other one under pressure, so we end up pussy footing around, not being definite. But he is less definite than he was, he did arrange to see me before.Also if it looks as if I'm peed off with him, he tries to put it right. I have also seen him jealous on occasion and he used to ask about my evenings out without him in a casual way so he didn't sound too worried. As time has gone on he no longer asks. He was also very hurt when his marriage ended about twelve years ago and said he was never doing that again. Not that I'm interested in a commitment like that, but just to give you more info about him.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2016):
 It sounds like what is happening between you both is very casual. I think the best thing that you can do is tell him you like him and give him a chance to tell you how he feels. It might not be what you want to hear, but its better the truth be out in the open. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2016): That's a hard one but I am leaning more towards what you said; I think you might like him more than he likes you.
If a man wants to commit, he will. I think if he wanted some sort of commitment with you, he would have done it by now.
It seems like he is just in for a bit of fun and he is trying to be a gentleman about it so that he can continue having you around for a bit of pleasure.
Be careful with him. He may hurt you if you have stronger feelings than he does.
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