A
female
age
36-40,
*nnocence153
writes:Ok, so do I let it go or fight for him? Here's our story: I've known him for almost 10 years, we were best friends. Three years ago we were helping each other through break ups and we ended up together. I landed a job in a different city for about 4 months into our relationship, we became long distance. He eventually decided to quite his job and we talked about moving in together about a year into our relationship. He was offered a job in a city that was even further from me...and he took it. He never really asked me how I felt about it, he just gave me the information. His decision hurt me. It made me questions whether he actually saw a future with me...especially since he never spoke of us with any certainty. Two years into our relationship, nothing had changed. I started to resent him for his uncertainty because it hurt. The more I acted out, the more uncertain he grew. I tried to break it off several times but he always fought for us to stay together...yet still nothing changed. He says I put him in a lose-lose situation because I always said I wanted my engagement to be a surprise and that I wouldn't move to his city without the engagement. But I guess I don't understand why he NEVER spoke of OUR future. Why was it always "If I ever have kids..." or "When I buy a house..." Why wasn't it ever WE??Now, he's tired of how I've treated him and I'm tired of the uncertainty. What should I do?
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female
reader, innocence153 +, writes (24 June 2014):
innocence153 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRevMick,
When I moved we had only been dating for a few months. When he moved, we were talking about moving in together. I guess it hurt because he made this decision that would effect me without discussing it with me. It made me feel like he didn't see his future with me and I guess that's why it's been so important/hurtful that he hasn't spoken of our future together.
A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (23 June 2014):
 Hi innocence,
You took a job a distance from him first, if I read correctly. Did you ask him how he felt about it or did you take it because it was a job prospect?
When he took a job role, you expected him to discuss with you first before even considering it. Why did the decision hurt you?
Surely a good job, is part of a happy life. Or did you expect him to stick close to you and give up the job.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2014): "He says I put him in a lose-lose situation because I always said I wanted my engagement to be a surprise and that I wouldn't move to his city without the engagement. But I guess I don't understand why he NEVER spoke of OUR future. Why was it always "If I ever have kids..." or "When I buy a house..." Why wasn't it ever WE??"
"Now, he's tired of how I've treated him and I'm tired of the uncertainty. What should I do?"
Let him go. You answered your own question.
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