A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello.I could do with a bit of advice.First of all ive been with my girlfriend for 10 years since we was kids im now 27. we have 2 children girl of 5 and boy of 1. i love my children very much.Im an electrical engineer and do ok for us.Now me and my girlfriend dont love each other like we used to do and our sex life isnt as hot any more.I work all week and enjoy a drink with my neighbour whos 50 years old and his mrs is 40. Now his mrs got my number from him and shes a very funny and attractive woman thats 40. shes had no children and i find her very attractive and her peronality is awsome.Shes been sending me jokes at work for about a month and vice versa and ive been getting texts from her how much she hates her boyfriend and that they havnt been getting on for 2 years and she told me she hasnt had sex for 12 months with him.She said this is between me and you dont tell her boyfriend and i promised i wouldnt.She keep's the texts from her boyfriend and i keep them from my girlfriend.Shes getting a flat and moving on.When i talk to her in person when she looks at me its more than just a look i know it i get all week at the knees sounds stupid i know.I dont want to make a move on her first i dont even know if she feels the same way she texts me late at night when im in bed and when her boyfriend goes out.I know i have children and in a relationship but im not happy where i am either and this woman i have never felt like around another woman im 27 shes 40 but its like im in love.I dont know if she feels the same at all i asked her to come to the pub for a drink 2 weeks ago with me and her boyfriend and she said she dont want to be around him but i said please and she stopped by for a quick drink.She looked fantastic and every time she looks into my eyes she makes me go week its crazy i dont know for sure if she does even fancy me or its all in my head im no good with women especially mature women.But this woman rocks my boat and i cant stop thinking about her i dont know what to do can you give me some advice and do you think she feel's the same way? thanks
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female
reader, rodzelya  +, writes (14 May 2011):
Well your not happy and life is so short, go for it,but leave your partener first and make sure this women as left her man also,then see if it works out for you both.I think the kids will be ok, they are young and need a happy home not one with people who dont love each other.I have found through my own break up after 25 year marrage and 3 children, the older they are the more they hurt.My youngest was three, now 10 and cant remember her dad at home,only that he is there for her at every weekend and she is such a happy girl.The other two had such a hard time with it, being older,I wont go on but can you see the picture? I by the way was the one who got cheated on by my ex. Just be happy, but be wise also and remember this woman has no children so will never understand the bond you have with them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2007): I would like to address the anonymous poster who is all over the fact that this woman is 13 years older than you are, saying things like she needs to go get a face lift or something instead of going after a younger man for an ego boost.
I don't know this 40 year old woman, but I can tell you one thing, 40 is too old for a face lift, and cellulite knows no age limit, there are 20 year old women who have this condition much worse than anything caused by age. Cellulite is fat stored underneath the skin, all women store fat close to the skin, some women have thinner, paler skin, and more fat celss which is largely hereditary and has little to do with aging.
Next, if a woman likes a younger man, it is not for an ego boost, it is because he treats her with more kindness and respect than men her own age, and has a sense of fun about him that sometimes older bitter men lack....it is not always about looks, it is about personality and connection.
What bothers me about this situation is that this woman of any age is going after a man in a realtionship with two small children, that is wrong at any age....so get off your soap box about age gap relationships. I am dating a man 15 years younger than me, we are both single, he has a child from a previous relationship and I have none, we get along wonderfully, I have more money than he does, more education and he we like each other very much...it may work out that we are a life time match, but it is too early to make that decision, age is a factor, but it may be that my age and his age is what exactly makes this work for US.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou guys are right im going to get this out of my head.Im just being stupid me and my mrs spoke today and we are going to give it another try we have a 2 week vacation comming up soon so we will use this time for us to try to work things out even if we cannot work thing's out im not going to take it further with my neighbour shes a friend and ill make sure it stays like that i think it would be more trouble than its worth.Just a mad moment thats all.Thanks for your advice you guy's have helped me out more than you know and your all ladys thanks :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): Please.
You are choosing to elevate this woman into irresistible Godess status and that is why you go weak in the knees. IT's your lust that you should be controlling and excericising self restraint and decorum.
You promised to love and honour your wife so I suggest you be a man of integrity and not some hormonal half wit, and start keeping your vows and redouble your efforts with the wife.
Remember how you first felt with her? Start dating her again and getting to know her again. Do something new together. What are her interests?
Don't give up because you think having an affair with another women will make life better-that's delusional. IT will bring heartache and grief to your family and they love and trust in you and believe in you that you are an honorable man that would sacrifice his life for them.
Be brave, be strong, be smart.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): The issue isn't wether she has cellulite or not. I think what I was trying to say is that I think you're seeing her as a lot more than she is. You may screw her a few times, and realize she isn't anyhting. Sexual attraction isn't everything. You shouldn't have an affair with her while you're with someone and she's with someone...and by me calling her old it's b/c in my eyes she is, and it disturbs me that she's not sophisticated enough to stay away from a younger man with young children who is in a relationship and she herself is also in a relationship. That's bad character. I think if she needs an ego boost maybe she should go get a face lift or something, not try to cheat on her man and get someone else to cheat as well. And I realize 40 isn't horribly old or anything, but why wouldn't she stick with a man her own age? It's just to see if she can get a younger man b/c she is probably feeling old and not as desired as she once was. If you are seriously thinking about being with her though, she needs to proove that she can be straightforward and tell you how she feels about you. What she's doing is flirty late night texts, that's really immature. I couldn't imagine my mother doing anything like that. And you need to end both of your relationships before you pursue anything with her. Cheating is still hurtful, even if you both aren't in love anymore. It's a respect issue, especially because there are children involved. Good luck. I hope things work out.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 July 2007):
 It really must be awful for guys cuz they tend to be the ones that have to move out, but whats the alternative here?You have gotta make a decision havent you. Does your girlfriend know about this woman? If you're both out of love with each other, is she understanding about it?But is there a particular reason you cant see the children more than weekends? People can be very good parents even if they dont live there.C xxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): I agree with a couple people on here-I don't think just cause you go "weak at the knees" when she looks at you is reason to up and leave your woman and YOUR KIDS!What kind of a REAL MAN would do that? Unless you are fully admitting that some other woman is worth giving up YOUR FAMILY for that I don't honestly see the point just to find out what some TRAMP is like in bed (especially when she doesn't even admit in public that she may have an interest in you-only late at night when her lover is away).THINK LONG and CAREFUL about making ANY wrong moves on this one cause it WILL be a VERY big mistake if you get caught-you will have a hard time explaining exactly why you "thought" some "older woman" was worth throwing it all away...I like the spice up your sex life idea...ever hear of the liberator?? www.liberator.com it's a BLAST and it's GREAT in the bedroom when you are running low on creativity...there's always hot wax, handcuffs, whip cream, chocolate syrup...the list is endless and I don't think you need to consult some new woman with the ideas-try them on your girl-you never know what she may want to try, especially if you've never asked...
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wouldnt hurt my children hlskitten i love them to much they are the most important thing in my life and i will always put them first as it is my duty being a father.We have talked about me moving into an apartment but i think id miss my children id miss coming home to them every day when i finish work and spending the time i do with them.I can get an apartment in the same town but id still only see them weekends which isnt enough i want to be around them thats why im still here.I cant have the best of both worlds though can i i know that i aint stupid.Who knows how things will turn out my heads a bit screwed at the moment.Cheers for your advice its appreciated alot. :)
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Okay I have to add my piece. Just because a woman is 40 does not make her "old" I know alot of 40-something women who indeed have taken care of their bodies, and look more like 30. You know what they say, 40 is the new 30. But I am not justifying what she's doing either, or the fact that I think she's luring you into an affair. I do think she's setting out the bait. So if you've come to terms with your relationship, being a dead-end, and you know that neither of you still love each other, then perhaps it would be best for you to talk to you g/f about ending the relationship, if like you say she doesn't love you either and you're both just staying for the kids. That's no way to live your life and you are both young. No one wants to stay in a relationship that's not fulfilling. But don't expect this 40-yr.old woman to be the answer to all your dreams either. She'll be a great time in bed, you'll be a boost to her ego and then it'll fade and you will be alone. If you're prepared to live with that, and you're not deluding yourself into thinking there's more to it than that, so be it. You're an adult, you really don't need anyone's permission.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 July 2007):
I can understand what you're saying about not loving your girlfriend anymore. Thats fair enough. I was with the kids dad 9 years and fell out of love with him. It happens. I stuck with it atleast 2 yrs after i knew i didnt love him, i saw a counsellor for the last 6 months and she helped me see that some relationships just cant be saved. I wanted to for the kids sake and if i could of loved him again i would of given anything but sometimes when its over its over.So i know where you're coming from, but i wouldnt of dreamt of doing anything with anyone else whilst i was still with him.We went our seperate ways in the end and have had only 1 argument since we split. That was about 3 yrs after we split. These days we get on great for the kids, hes settled down with someone else, i havent. And everyones happy, particularly the kids which is the most important thing.I dont think anyones saying you should stick with someone forever you dont love but go to the sports shop and buy a pair of balls because your gonna hurt some people if you just slip into an affair. And the sad thing is its probably gonna be your kids most.Do wish you the best though.C xxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTheres no celulite there i can assure you shes 40 but she looks more like a 32 year old like i said shes attractive very all the curves in the right places thats to the annon female reader.At the time we had children we was in love some thing went wrong i dont know the flame went out not just for me my girl friend to she feels the same.We are only together for the children and i dont mind doing that but i need a sex life.I cannot help being attracted to this woman its happened.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your advice.Im only human and cannot help the way i feel.I dont even know if this other woman is after sex with me she confides in me in her own sex life and has told me she hates her boyfriend and is moving into a flat on her own.I asked her if she has met any one else and she said no.She sends me jokes all the time and makes me laugh i think shes fantastic maybee she dont even think like im thinking it may just be a crush i have i dunno.Me and my girlfriend are no longer in love.We love each other as we both had children together when we was young.I support her and the children as its my duty and i always will but is it fair we are both young and i would like a sex life but she has no interest she sees it as a chore some thing she has to do and it isnt the way i am in the bedroom because im very adventurous and like sex.Thanks for all you guys advice any way alot of it makes sence and some of it doesnt but every ones entitled to an opinion thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Give me a break. You want a fling with some old woman? She's obviously disturbed mentally if she's trying to break up your home. And yes I think she is interested in you, not that you should move on that. Most men are mentally immature and bad decision makers. But this old woman should know better. If she's not happy, tell her to leave her man. She's using you to feel desired b/c she's old. I wouldn't advise doing it. You might be undressing her and not expect to see saggy skin and wrinkles and cellulite, but I bet that's what you'll get so you'll be disappointed anyways. Think about your children. The fact that you never married the mother of your children prooves that you have commitment issues. Maybe you shouldn't have had children?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007): Firstly what are you doing living with the mother of your children and not marrying her? You do all right for yourself as an electrical engineer, then you should give your children a last name, your woman an honarable relationship and stand up as a man and the leader of your family.
You are under the spell of a much older woman who can manipulate you into thinking you are in love with her, with all of the secrets she is telling you, and the late night texts and the lover's gazes....she is a cheat, she is still with her boyfriend and wanting to find someone else's bed to fall into before she takes the leap away from her secure world with her boyfriend....sounds to me like she may also be looking for a meal ticket.
You are thinking with the wrong head. First off, this is not about how your sex life is not so hot, and you not being happy. This is about the fact that you are thinking selfishly and immaturely. If your sex life is waning, then you need to step up and be more creative in bed, you need to give your woman attention outside of the bedroom for her to warm up to you.
The two people you don't say much about here are your children. Don't make them pay for your mistakes...this relationship with the other woman is doomed from the start, it is beginning in infidelity, your relationship is already lacking trust, and next comes lack of respect.
Turn towards your partner instead of away and work on your relationship. Relationships are negotiated it takes 100% effort on both your parts, not 50/50 to make them work. You made a decision to have kids with her, you need to make that decision right and step up and be a father to your kids first, end of story.
Don't blow your life for a romp in the hay with a more experienced woman, if life is so bad at home, you need to leave based on that and that alone, not because you want to cheat.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (30 July 2007):
Yes, how about tell your girlfriend you dont love her anymore and get out the relationship first?Especially if you have both pretty much had enough, or do you mean, stay where you are, let her nexy door move, and you have a little love nest away from your street?Hardly fair on the little ones is it.People fall out of love, it happens, its the way they handle things that can have an effect on many lives.C xxxx
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (30 July 2007):
 Every long-term relationship has the potential to grow stale when you don't work to keep things fun and exciting between the two of you. Especially when kids are involved because parenting does tend to zap your sexual energy and make you feel undesirable (especially women). You need to search your heart and determine if you really do not love your current g/f because once you cross that line, you can never go back. It could be that you two have outgrown each other. Or it could just be a bit of boredom that has developed because you haven't worked keeping your love and your romance alive. I would worry a bit about the age difference between you and this other woman. I think she is just looking for a fling with a younger man. You are a huge boost to her 40-year old ego. Is there a future there, I doubt it. So consider it very carefully. It would be a huge mistake to destroy your home, uproot your children's lives, only to be some 40-year old woman's fling. You are feeling vulnerable to her attention because you haven't been getting enough from your g/f. I don't know if you're in love with the 40 yr.old but you are attracted to her and the attention she's giving to you. Lust is a powerful thing. It's one of the most powerful, most damaging aspects to any relationship. Please think about this very carefully.
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