A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I stay with my wife and child or not?I cheated on my wife with a woman from work. The affair has been going on for about 1 month. The affair would have continued but I recently moved across the country for work. Our marriage was in bad shape prior to meeting this woman from work. We were married young and grew apart throughout the last 6 years. We have a 1 year old son together. I agreed to have the child to improve the marriage, which was a dumb mistake. Now I am torn on what to do.My wife and child moved across the country with me into temporary housing. They can easily go back, which was part of the plan from the beginning because of our marital troubles. I want to do what is best for the child and am struggling with the decision. Is it better for him to see an unhappy marriage to deal with the divorce before he is aware of the situation. My wife does not want a divorce, I asked. My affair said she would move the California. I understand a lot of my feeling towards the affair are due to the newness of the relationship. However, the marriage was bad before the affair and my wife doesn't know about it.
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affair, cheated on my wife, divorce Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010): You have a lot going on there. First of all try and fix your marriage. If your wife was willing to move with her child, so you could all be together, it sounds as if she is willing to try and make things work. They may work if you arent preoccupied with your mistress. So try marriage counselling and see if you can fix things. Its not something you can be half hearted about, either you want your marriage to work or you dont. If you dont, then speak to your wife and end things properly before embarking on another relationship. You owe both her and your child that much, surely?
And remember, a lot of affairs have a sell by date on them. Many people are easily blinded by the fun and excitement of a forbidden relationship. But once its been exposed to the cold, harsh light of day, the people have been damaged and theres no undoing all the harm...you might find yourself wondering if it really was worth it all.
A
female
reader, bigsister83 +, writes (9 May 2010):
1.) No, you cut ties with the affair. No good can come of this. End it.
2.) Get into marriage counseling. You might not hit it off with the first therapist you try. Find someone that you are both comfortable with and go in with a positive attitude. You made a commitment to this woman, and you deepened that commitment when you had a child with her. You grew apart? See if you can get back on track. Make little changes. Do something new together. Start going for walks and hold hands. Put in an honest effort and then see where you're at. Do you want your kid to grow up with unhappy parents? Certainly not. So do everything you can to fix this and reconnect with your wife.
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (9 May 2010):
Well you are a complete prick let us get that out of the way first. I am noy sure that is strong enough but the way you describe what is happening makes me think you are also a complete wanker!
1 month and it is OK just to give up - six years apart but you managed to get wife pregnant - you decided.
Do your wife a favour and send her back because her life and your childs can only get better when they abandon you, sooner the better.
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