A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I been married for 1 1/2 yrs. but been together for 4 yrs. I love him unconditionally thats why i never left him even though he chokes me and slaps me. I do the same to him too and i'm usually the one to do it first thats why i cut him some slack. I been trying to get him to change. Now that i met someone who is my dream come true and i tell my husband i want to leave him he's saying he will do anything i want him to do if i give him one last chance to prove to me that he's trying. Question 1 should i give him one more chance to act right even though i have a good man in front of me? Question 2 should i tell my sister that the other man is someone she used to hang out with for about 3 weeks but it didn't last because she is not what he is looking for but she is still infactuated with him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank all of you for your answers. They gave me alot to think about. It's better to get answers from people who dont know me because you all can't judge me and therefor you give me your honest opinion. Every answer is really giving me something to think about. So thanks alot again i really appreciate it. :)
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (31 October 2010):
 You hit him and choke him first,and you cut him slack? It is equally not okay for you to be violent toward a guy, as it is for him to be violent toward you. It would be hypocritical to think that your husband can change, while you continue using him as a punching bag.
What I see here is that you are violent as well. Leaving him, and jumping into another relationship will only bring violent behavior into this new relationship. You can decide to terminate your marriage, but I would not recommend getting into a new relationship until you have sought counseling, worked through your issues, and can better control your behaviors that cause you to act aggressive against who you are with. If you remain married, you both need counseling, together and separate.
Counseling needs to be a priority. If this continues, there will be a time where the authorities knock on your door, and take either or both of you to jail for domestic violence.
I won't comment on if I think you should leave. You are both in the wrong, and I know people who have been in situations like yours, where they are both combative, and they decide change is necessary, and they begin counseling and working together and end up having very successful marriages.
One more thing. If you love was truly unconditional, you may have thought about leaving to keep yourself safe, but there would not be this third person in the scenario.
I hope this helps, take care.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 Never, ever leave anybody some somebody else. If you are going to leave your husband leave him because he is abusive. If you have to leave your husband what is wrong with trying it on your own for a while? Why do you have to have a man in your life, do you feel incomplete unless you have an arm to hang off?
If your husband is abusing you yes, leave. But dont move in with somebody else, or even start to date somebody else on a regular basis until you have sorted out your broken marriage. If your husband is abusive now, imagine how abusive and more difficult he will make things if he is rejected for another man! Surely you would prefer to be seen as a woman strong enough to leave an abusive marriage than as a woman who dumps a marriage because some other man came along that you had an affair with.
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