A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How much baggage is too much, should it matter anyway? Am I to swallow my pride and move on. How do I stop thinking of the negative ?Ive been with my girlfriend for just over a year now. Prior to that I was in a long term relationship straight out of high school that lasted 14 years, one year after that separation I met my current girlfriend. We get along great and have a lot in common. I love her very much and completely trust her intentions in our relationship. Her children are great and get along with my kids wonderfully. During our first year a few things in her past bothered me (3 children from three different guys and was a full nude stripper), but they weren't anything I couldn't get over. Lately we celebrated our one year anniversary and we are getting pretty serious so when stories of her past came up I started asking for more information. Monumentally bad idea on my part, none of her stories ends well. There all demeaning and insulting. Few highlights. She was with an 18yr old when she was 14 and had been having oral sex with boys since age 12. She was with two 17yr old guys simultaneously at age 14, 14!! No Surprise, she had an Abortion at age 14 and another abortion at age 15. At age 16 she was with a 26 year old and had been heavily into meth all the while. She was girlfriend to two men for a time, living with both and being there daily sexual release, frequently at the same time. She has all her private parts pierced, tattoo of a guys name on her wrist. She sends pictures of her vagina to boyfriends, I got mine after only the second date. She has stories that literally make me sad, and she could tell them all day. Dont ask questions you dont want the answer to ! ! ! No more asking for me, I would rather not know the rest and Ive only given the highlights here. Im too embarrassed to talk to my friends about this for fear they will judge her, I know I am. I take less pride in her and am left wondering constantly who or what she is thinking of when with me. I feel insignificant in her life compared to her past and I feel threes nothing left for us, its all been done before multiple times and very vigorously. What if I cannot stop thinking about it.Only thing I learned while single for a year is I don't like being single. This girl is great for me presently and has given me no reason to not trust her since Ive known her. Our sex life is great and we make love daily after a year, I'm attracted to her and I love that she is a little wild. I realize its her past that made her who she is today, If I let her past ruin us then I'm the problem I feel. I love her soo much but I'm just not sure I can deal with having to share her with so many other men.
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abortion, anniversary, her past, move on, oral sex, sex life, stripper, swallow, tattoo, vagina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): I'm sorry. You are in a completely no-win situation. There is no realistic solution.
If you leave her then you've lost her. Not to mention being called the bad guy for it. If you stay with her, this will hurt you for the rest of your relationship because this is how a normal healthy male reacts to the situation. The only socially accepted choice is for you to stop having the feelings that most normal healthy males have.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 These are pretty normal feelings, don't feel shallow for feeling them. At the end of the day if its an issue for you- then its an issue. If you can't get over this or will never cherish her the same way then it may be best to move on.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (31 October 2010):
 I like that! The one time where "don't ask, don't tell" makes sense."~QUIRKLADY, No regrets!!! will go right up in there with that saying too! If you don't ask you won't regret it! As you can see! Now..Let's not leave out old Jack Nicholson! When he said So.."You want the truth? "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE THE TRUTH!"..No Watered Advice Here! IJS!
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (31 October 2010):
I always ask up front just to make sure I know the person. You asked to late and it shouldn't make a different now. You been with her for over a year, so why now dig into her past. I think you should let this go and move on. You should know her now. She will never be able to change any of that.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (31 October 2010):
 Ahh, crazy sexual pasts. The one time where "don't ask, don't tell" makes sense.
It might be good for you to talk to a therapist about how you feel and how you can reframe things in your mind. I mean, yes, she had a wild past. But her past made her the wild and sexy woman you love, you have a good time together, and you love her.
And if she loves you, you're the only one she's thinking about. Those other guys were just practice for the real man that is you.
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