A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 35 and have been married for 7 years now, and have three children. My marriage has been a rocky ride up to now. My problem is that I have fallen in love with a 20 year old. He is a student an doesn't work yet. We are such good friends,we do as many things as we can together, and I love him dearly. My husband has of late tried to change and become a better person. I am so confused. I don't want to be without my 20 yr old friend and lover. We have grown so close to each other, we are absolutely in tune with each other. I don't know what scares me most at this stage: leaving my life that is financially sound and settled, not being able to see my kids every day and night or the fact that I am not giving my marriage a chance to work. My hart and soul is with him, I want to do everything wih him but why am I so scared to take the chance and leave my husband? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): im 45 my wife is 41.her boss is 27 .shes intrigued by him,i feel her slipping away for 4 years now,we faught,seperated ,both had partners in the past.she and i had a few on the side.i came clean she denies it.and i have proof.shell do more to another guy than she would me.i saw her perform and was told what she done.but its this guy her 27year old boss,in my gut i feel her with him.clues moods.talking about him,staying at work.only happy days she works,what do i do?we are marries 23 years.married too young i just want her to admitt or i dont no.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): well OP, JUST DO IT. i think your hubby deserves better than his apparent faithful wife, don't you. yes, just tuck your shirt up and run into the arms of your loser lover. after all why steal from your husband any more. why use him, and certainly why abuse him. you only life once so make the most of it BEFORE YOU GET TOO OLD.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): 1. You are probably still in the stages of lust, which I'm sure you encountered with your husband 7 years ago. It will fade and you will not feel these same "in tune" feelings2. A 20 year old male has a long way to go before he settles down. He will likely leave you eventually.3. You are going to ruin your children's lives. They will never look at you the same way again. My mother cheated on my father and it took me a long time to realize that not everyone cheats, I have major resentment towards her because of that.4. Tough Love: you are being naive and selfish. Take a step back and consider how you and your 20 year old "soul mate" are going to appear to everyone else
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A
female
reader, moca17  +, writes (31 December 2009):
 no i say take kids and leave husband but not for no 20 year old ooooo no honey you need help
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (31 December 2009):
 I totally understand why you are feeling the way you are. Your 20 yr old is fun and exciting! Your home life is humdrum, and boring, filled with responsibility! Can you really pick-up and leave your kids for someone that cannot even offer you a future? It may sound exciting and adventurous now, but trust me! You will regret it for the rest of your life. When your children are adults, and treat you as a distant relative...if that...and the guy is long gone...Please think about this long and hard! I speak from experience; I know the heartache this will cause whether things work out with this guy or not!Please don't make any hasty decisions! Once you act on your impulse, if you do, you will have a hard, empty void where you kids once were.I hope you decide to give your marriage the chance to blossom. Give your kids a happy life! BG
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A
female
reader, misunderstoodSG +, writes (31 December 2009):
OMG! Iam in the same boat but my lover is 22 in school and works for me. The only difference is i dont wont to leave my husband i wont them both. I wont my cake and eat it too. I guess thats because he had in the past and i still let him stay. The only advice i can tell you is let things play out because the fling may go away thats what iam doing..Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): Go for it, you only live once. Your kids will be gutted, but in 10 or 20 years they'll be ok... they'll hate you and Holidays will be lonely. Your boy toy will have grown tired of you and found someone younger, and all after you made som any sacrifices financially.
Get an apartment, move him in, put him through university- get him started in a career and when your about 43 look out...
I hope that the divorce laws in your country are such that your husband gets everything so that he can raise the children that you're abandoning.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): You have kids! If you dont want to be with your husband DIVORCE but take your kids with you! You are selfish and a 20 year old come on! Do the math by the time he is your age you will be in your 50's you think he is going to want you then? NO! Wow I thought I had issues sometimes. Look I know what its like to want some freedom from your responsibilities trust me!I know what its like to meet someone a bit younger and the feeling of being a single person it feels great but in the end of the day you HAVE to walk through that door of reality.You are in your mid 30's you have a husband and children who need you more then this 20 year old. Sure he shows you your youth again but face it you are not in that stage of life anymore. I give applause to your husband do you not realize how many of us women look for the male who can keep his family together? I had a husband for 11 years and he just stopped up and left me with our 3 kids to pursue this feeling your going through. I know he realizes now what he has lost and you will too if you choose this route, its just not worth it. A few months of youthful bliss is nothing compared to a life time of memories and happiness you are about to lose or give up.Its sad,I see the pain my children go through everyday due to their douche bag father. He was there all the time and then POOF gone and they dont understand why. People in these situations just think of themselves and in the moment but you need to look at the big picture, how this will affect your kids, husband and extended family. I tried to tell my husband the same thing. You need to grow up and stop being selfish
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2009): Enjoy your time w/your young lover for now, but don't do the silly thing like leaving your family.No man worth not seeing your kids every day. At the end all that counts is your kids.
Give your husband another chance, he is trying, that should count for something. I see women allthe time , that destroyed their lives by falling in love, leaving their family, and not being happy after all.
Also, the age gape is huge. Men age not as fast as women, in ten years they'll be asking if you're his mother.
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A
male
reader, CoolAndCoolest  +, writes (31 December 2009):
you have every liberty to live your life.
between just think in this way too.
you told - you are not happy with your husband.
next - you are so happy about this young guy.
please understand, no body is happy to the ultimate. it's difficult to be absolutely happy.
is there a guarantee that you will be happy thru your life if you take this young guy???? won't that relation ave any problem at all in the future?? cautious.... because i believe you were feeling safe when you decided to take your husband and later that opinion changed.
similarly your opinion about this new guy could change.
why i talked all this seems-to-nonsense is you should use your skills to make your husband the right guy for you. then you are succeeding. there is a character in that. the quality of our life can be measured on how much we are ready to give. not about how much we can get.
you are a much experienced in life. i am not enough to advice you.
i wish you all the best and success.
and sorry, i cannot tell whether to stay with your present husband or to start living with this new guy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 December 2009):
There are several problems here. Number 1, your children will be a bit confused by the age gap, and not happy in the future when they find out you left. Number 2, it is more likely this 20 year old is going through the 'older woman' stage. What happens if he wants children when he's 30 and you're 45 and may not be able to have kids? I would really end it with him and focus on your marriage. Because if you leave for your younger lover, life could go terribly wrong. He hasn't got a career yet either.
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