A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off thanks to anyone who takes the time to answer this for me!and sorry for the lengh. Some background:I have been with my boyfriend 7 years my best friend (female) started dating his best friend (male) 2 years later. I'm close with both her and her boyfriend as we all went to school together. They have been living together for the last 2 months. So 1 week ago we were all at a bbq I could tell MALE was a bit down I asked if he was OK as he'd been very reserved the whole day. (he wasn't drinking alcahol) He just blurted out he no longer loves FEMALE and wants to break up with her and asked me how best to do it I told him to say no more he became frantic and started sort of shouting why he felt this way at me, he told me she wants marriage and babies and he wants to travel. I tried to stop him which is why he got frantic and I explained he would need to speak to someone else because this isn't something I want to be in the middle of. All I replied is that he needs to have this conversation with her and I can't help and I was sorry. So the last week I've felt heart broken for both of them and guilty for female as I've mentioned nothing hoping he would speak to her. She called me Saturday night crying explaining male had come home late drunk and dumped her out of the blue and she didn't know why she was in hysterics telling me, so hung up and text saying she'd call when she could talk. She didn't so I text her the next morning asking how she was she replied "fine we spoke about it he apologised and said he was just drunk and talking nonsense and I should forget it" He obviously wants different things to her I don't want her strung along and I definitely do not want her knowing what he told me and that I kept it from her. I have no idea what to do I feel so guilty. But I know how messy it is in these types of situations. Do I keep it to myself? Do I speak to him and find out if he plans on telling her how he feels? Should I tell him if he still feels that way he tells her or I do? I care about them both a lot I don't want to see my best friend get her heart broken and I don't want to see him carry on when he's obviously never going to be happy. Please help! Thank you.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2016):
 He obviously is holding a lot inside when he chose her best friend to talk to. I totally understand why you feel stuck in the middle here. Poor you. I would hate to be in your situation. The only thing you can do is talk to him and ask him what the story is, tell him you don't want to see her hurt and you hate keeping things from her and see what he has to say.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2016): I agree with the others but I do understand how you feel. It was mean and cowardly of him to put this on you but you are taking on too much responsibility for their relationship.Lets look at the facts. There's two ways of looking at it all.He blurted out on the spur of the moment that she wanted to break up with her and his reasons.Then he dumped her then they got back together. Did he panic (as many do) with the thought of commitment then calm down? Maybe they reached a compromise about travelling.ORHe did dump her for a period. This shows he is having second thoughts about their relationship. Has she chosen to disregard it if he's glossed over it? Well that's on her; she's grown up enough to see this is a potential red flag. Alcohol neither makes people truth tellers nor liars, it just lowers people's inhibitions making it slightly more likely he was being honest with her when he dumped her.Either way you don't KNOW for sure this is the end for them. If you tell her what he said what do you think will happen? She'll go back to him and he's most likely to tell her you're exaggerating or he had a bad day. She will view your words as interference. Conversely if he breaks down and says, yes, it's the end, how do you think she'll feel? You may well get the blame for blowing it all up again. If I were you I'd keep out of it. She has enough information to make her own decision.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 October 2016):
 Please stay out of it. It's between both of them and you never really know what goes on behind closed doors. For all you know, tomorrow they'll sort out the issue and behave like nothing's happened and you'll feel like the bad guy who got involved for nothing.
This is their problem and for them to sort out. Don't say anything at all. She might be your best friend but as of now she's his girlfriend first and that's the relationship that'll matter more to her.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (26 October 2016):
 other than making a point to him that he needs to do the right thing and sort it out, I wouldn't be getting involved. He has put you in an awkward situation which is not fair to you but this really is something for him to take care of. Behind closed doors you are not privy to what discussions take place between them so it may well be they sort things, may be that they don't. either way all you can do is be supportive if and when things go pear shape. All the best
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 October 2016):
 It's not for you to get involved in unfortunately. It's a hard situation for you to be in but it's down to him to tell her. If he wants to carry out his plans of going travelling then it will all come out eventually.
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