A
female
age
41-50,
*hane
writes:Yesterday was the worst day of my life.My sister's husband of nine years told me he is having an affair,he trusted me enough to tell me, but I feel like I'm betraying my sister.Please help me what should I do????? My sister also has a life treating disease. It's something that can shorten her life, her so I'm stuck with how do I deal with this?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 I think it depends on your relationship with your sister, so it's hard to give you a blanket answer. If it were my sister, I would tell her! But you have to decide how your sister would react. Also I think it's odd that he confided in you. Maybe he's actually hoping you will spill the beans because he feels trapped and sort of wants to get it out in the open. He'd just rather you do the dirty deed than him. Why did he tell you? What was the point of him confiding in you? Is he in love with this other woman? Was he feeling guilty? Does he need help ending the affair? Does he need help ending his marriage? Once you know the answer to those question, the answer to the other one will be obvious. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (30 September 2012):
 I like SVC's suggestion.Was your sister's illness caused by the affair (a serious STD)? Is it terminal? Will treatment cure her or prolong her life and ease her suffering? You don't have to tell me. I was trying to determine if knowing would benefit your sister, hinder her recovery, or aggravate her illness.I recommend that her well being be the ONLY factor you consider when making a decision. You have not betrayed your brother in law's confidence. Your first loyalty is to her, not him and he knows that. Put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. If you had been married to his brother and confessed to him about having an affair, where do you think his loyalty would lie? He would have no qualms about betraying your confidence. Before I judge him too harshly. Did this affair begin after she took ill? Had he always been good to her before? Has he been doting on her since? For all we know this guy is working himself to exhaustion trying to stay on top of household bills, medical care, and nurse his sick wife. Maybe he's been feeling overwhelmed and very lonely and the affair is his way of recharging his batteries so he can continue to take care of her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2012): I agree with SVC, what a total donkey.. If I was you I'd also tell his parents and see how popular or big headed he'll be after that..
Don't let this hang over you, or come into between you and your sister he doesn't trust you he using you as he has used your sister.
My theory wave goodbye to bad rubbish !!!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (29 September 2012):
 When you say life threatening illness do you mean she will pass away within a year or just has a shorter lifespan than average would be? I ask because my sister and I have a life shortening disease, avg life span is 40 but if you are doing well it's 60. I ask also because it makes a difference in what I would do in the situation.
If my sister has cancer and will be gone within a year or two I would keep this to myself. Whether that's right or wrong I don't know, it's just what I would do. With so much stress and heartache from going through terminal illness that would take her life soon, she wouldn't need to hear her husband is having an affair on top of it.
If it is like my real situation and she has a good 40 years left and is plenty healthy then I would definitely let her know. But I would tell her husband he has a set amount of time to tell her himself and if he doesn't then I will. You may have known him for 9 years but your loyalty lies with your sister and against an adulterer.
So basically use your discretion. If she is really, really sick now and you know the prognosis isn't good then leave it alone, but show your extreme distaste to her horrible husband for doing this to his ailing wife. And if she is plenty healthy and has good time left then let her know, not everyone views a shortened life span as a death sentence. Again this is what I would do, some may feel its necessary to let her know regardless of what's going on. But my father in law is going through stage IV renal cell carcinoma right now. He has 2 years left if he's lucky and chemo works for his cancer type (the doctors said the chance is very low it will). If his wife were cheating on him in this time I would advise my husband we should keep it under wraps, he doesn't need that on top of everything else. So that's where my advice is coming from.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (29 September 2012):
 SVC has a great suggestion...and if your parents are able...I would do just as she says. That way you are not alone in a terrible situation. Hopefully doing it this way, it will not be as messy.
Be prepared to be calm, understanding, and patient with your sister...she is going to need it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2012):
 WHAT A COWARD HE IS.
he told you in hope you would tell his wife and she would leave so he would not have to deal with her illness.
tell him you will tell your parents and your dad can deal with him and your mom your sister...
(sorry I'm feeling harsh today)
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A
male
reader, xxSABBYxx  +, writes (29 September 2012):
Oh hun, this sounds awful. Personally i think you need to speak with him again, let him know your not happy with the situation that HE has put you in. Your sister however is blood, and family is so important. When it all comes out, and she finds out you have known, that could lead to devestating disaster for you and her. He should be the one to tell her not you. Its definatley a toguh decision, and im sure when your ready and thinking clearly you will make the right one! good luck hun xx
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