A
female
age
41-50,
*ach2242
writes:So I messed up...I broke up w/ a really great guy over and over again cuz I was not sure he was "the one" and I wanted to go out and date cuz I never had a chance to be single and experience what was out there. I really hurt him and he broke things off w/ me and started dating someone immediately. For the last month he kept telling me I still have his heart but he needs time to get over things. He tells me he is confused and for last 3 weeks he has told me he needs to think but he always comes back w/ IDK...or "we just can't be together right now". I asked him to just be single but he won't break up w/ her to figure things out yet gets jealous over other guys. I blocked him few days ago cuz all we do is argue and I get super sad when he doesn't respond. I'm seeing a new guy who is really good to me and I see qualities in him I wish my ex had. I think my ex needs to go and experience other relationships to grow up (he's 6 yrs younger) and get over the hurt I put him through. But am I making right decision by not talking to him? Should I wait a month and then check up on him? I'm positive we will always love each other and have a connection and I was so willing to make sacrifices to be with him, such as having more kids. I always said I didn't want more kids and part of that was b/c I was left as single mom. I guess after all the leaving I'm not sure if I should just let him go forever or after the emotions of everything calm down should I try to contact him and stay a part of his life? I don't want to feel like the "back burner" girl if this new thing doesn't work out (which I'm sure it won't) and I don't want to fall back into old habits just to get same result. But looking at me and what I've done I know I would put everything I have into working it out even though there are things about him that drive me crazy. I was never strong enough to walk away forever when I broke up with him. I always ran back to him and I feel like even though I know he still loves me, he walked away 3 times in a month to be w/ someone else. Does this make me foolish or weak to keep going back after breaking up so many times? Any opinions...good or bad are welcome.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 July 2010):
Not foolish or weak, but perhaps naive. The fact is that neither of you two work together. On/off relationships don't ever work out, and the best thing that could have happened is that he finally left permanently to just be with someone else. It just wasn't working out at all. You were breaking up with him because you weren't sure about him. Then he walked away several times. You just cannot have a relationship like that. You can't bring kids into a mess like that. You can't lead a life with a mess like that always hanging over your head. The fact is, if he was the one, you wouldn't have continually broken up with him to be with other people. You both sound like you're immature and not ready to be in relationships. And men aren't so forgiving either. I don't think he will get over the hurt you put him through and just come back. I think he'll make this permanent and not have any more to do with you. You may feel like he loves you, but facts would seriously suggest otherwise. This relationship is dead, and in truth it sounds like it was never really alive. It's too late to be saying that you'd put all your effort in. You should have done that before, instead of just breaking up with him. He's more like a comfort blanket to you, than a boyfriend. When it just goes wrong for you, you go running to him. Make a break from him, continue to cut all contact and really work on making sure that when the 'One' really does come along, you don't blow it by dumping him continually. It's over, and if you go back, then this will be your life, and any kids that come along will be tortured by you and him breaking up all the time.
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