A
male
age
41-50,
*azednconfsed
writes:i've been in a very confusing on and off relationship for almost a year now. It's been pretty complicated. In a nutshell, i messed up and lost her trust; not because of cheating but because i kept some things from her. She forgave me for what I've done, but she needs time alone and says she wants to be quiet. She wrote me an email being very contradictive saying to give her time, then later saying she'll forgive me, then later in it saying I'll be ok and move one.This "wanting time alone and being quiet" has happened alot now and after a couple of days or week or so we would start talking again. I guess the question is..Is it better for me to initiate something or wait till she comes back to me if she ever does? I usually keep calling her and texting until she answers but people have said if i really want to find out how she feels about me; to wait it out and see if she calls me back because if she really does she'll come back to me, right? I have an extremely hard time NOT calling her because all do is think about her all day and night. i guess I'm scared of what may happen. So what should I do?
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female
reader, SouthernBelle +, writes (22 June 2008):
 I'm pretty much in the same exact position your girlfriend is in right now. To say the least in the past my boyfriend has done some things that have caused me to view him as untrustworthy. The best thing I can suggest is I think you need to sit down for a minute and really look at the situation and look at things from her point of view. See if you can understand what it was or what you did to cause her to feel this way and try and understand that its not just you thats hurting right now. Give her some space and in time she'll contact you again and you have to understand if she doesn't contact you and doesn't want a relationship with you any longer then you have to leave it at that. Breaking up doesn't always mean forever and maybe in this case its better if you two spend some time apart to get things sorted out and get your heads clear.
A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (22 June 2008):
 Your gf and I are in very similar situations.
She doesn't know what she wants. She probably has some resentment toward you, but she also wants you. I say this because it's the EXACT same way that I feel about my bf. I love him, but I want to push him away.
I can't give great advice here since I'm so confused myself. But I must say that if she keeps playing this hot-cold-confusion game with you then it's time to end it. I mean, she's basically toying with your emotions. Let her make up her mind at her own pace, but if you are suffering because of her problems, then it's time for you to move on. I really don't see this relationship lasting anyway since she's already feeling so doubtful.
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A
male
reader, dazednconfsed +, writes (22 June 2008):
dazednconfsed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks..well I haven't called or texted her in 4 days but she did email me telling me she wanted to be quiet. Is that a ploy for me to answer her back even though she said she wanted to be left alone for now?
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A
male
reader, dazednconfsed +, writes (22 June 2008):
dazednconfsed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionupdate.
When i said I've had a confusing relationship; it was because she doesn't know what she wants and shes confused about who she wants. Shes been confused about either being wiht me or her first love from another country. Thats where the confusing part of our relations was. The last issue we had was the trust thing but as of now, she wants to be "quiet" and she doesn't even know why..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): I know it can be very hard when you're in a situation like that!! I am currently in a similar situation, the thing I would suggest you do is try not to text her for a few weeks, let her come to you! I say that but i know how hard it is, but I usually get a call or text from him in a few days so it does usually work!! If she doesn't then why bother?! it's a two way thing after all!!
GOOD LUCK!!
x Katie x
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