A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts and Uncles,I am a 38 yr old mother, self-supporting my 3 children, ages 15, 9, and 5. My husband is not helping me out financially for the children reasons I left my work as a public teacher back in the Philippines and work abroad. My husband is really very irresponsible not only financially but likewise he doesn't know how to raise his children morally. he gets tensions and pressures if he is alone with the children and if he gets angry he physically hurts my eldest daughter or shout at them. Now, He leaves my 3 children with his 73 year old mother and I feel so sick and tired of him giving the responsibilities to his Mom. His Mom is very old to take full responsibilities and I have no other person to trust to except them. My family and relatives cannot take care of them as they have their own life and family too. I feel so confused now on what to do. Do I have to stay and work in UAE to support my children's basic needs and education or do I have to go back to Philippines and work again as a teacher to guide my children? If I do so, I will not be able to give them good education as salaries for public teachers cannot survive. Seems like I am risking one and saving one. What should I do? What risk do I have to take?Please help me make up my mind, I feel so confused. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Leaving job to go give your children poor education just does not seem like good idea to me. I am already struggling with just one child. Ofcourse they will be better emotional but as adults what will they be able to do other than become factory worker making goods for to Canada? Those of us who live in poor countries understand this. Perhaps find foreign man but don't marry him right away so that it easy for you to leave him if it doesn't work out. For America you can get fiancée visa and your children will also get dependency visa. If he beats you then America will let you stay anyway before 2 years. I know someone who did this a few years ago and I thinking about it too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): I'm anon who first posted.
Another suggestion is you could find a maid to look after your kids instead. What you do with the maid to keep her faithful is you keep promising her that when you leave your job in UAE then you will want her to take it. That way, she will be good to your kids. Or if you earn enough money, put your kids in boarding school where you know they will be safe.
About marriage, I know the thought is scary, I was scared too. When you choose someone you have to choose carefully and take your time. I met more than 8 men willing to marry me even though I have kids. There is someone for everybody; the older men like divorced older women because they know that you will work harder at the relationship and you won't use them then abandon them or cheat like a young girl would. I chose someone who loves children and I have grown to trust him and he wants us to have our own child together. We spoke on email, Skype and phone for 6 months before we met. Then he came to my country 3 times to visit me. On the 3rd visit he came with a ring!! I did not love him deeply when we first met but I have grown to because he is wonderful. My youngest lives with us in his country (from the beginning) and he loves her like a real father. One of my fears was that these white people might abuse and before I left I spoke to my daughter repeatedly and ofcourse nothing like that has ever happened. My second born came a few months ago and we put him in boarding school since he is a teenager. My oldest daughter has now moved to a wealthy boarding school back in my country and she will come for free university when she has finished (my decision). My husband has also said she can come to us every school holiday. All my children have permanent residency and we will be citizens in 3 years time and will have EU passports. After that if I die, they will not be stuck in some slum back home, they will still go to university and be able to care for themselves. I'm also in university now doing Masters. At first I decided to only tell my sister about him and the rest of the family didn't know; I told them I moved to his country for work. But after I had been with him for a year, I realised that I can tell people and I'm proud of him. I hope everything works out for you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Lucy
http://businesseshome.net
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMr. C. Grant, thank you very much for the enlightenment. I had been thinking about it too but sometimes fear gets in the way,reasons I still could not make a firm decision.But you are right
To Anon, who first posted, thank you too but I guess I cant give myself another headache if I marry again, LIFE's A BIT COMPLICATED for I cant risk my children. Few good men like to have an excess baggage in marriage, LOL. Well, that is reality...I guess I need to focus first on myself, have a courage bigger than fears, stabilized with my children...to marry again will come later, it is not the right time yet. But you gave me a nice idea, its just am more a fighter in life than to be dependent with others but who knows what lies ahead, right? I even have done what you have suggested here and I got few friends but I am the one's not ready for that matter, I cant risk my children. Thank you once again.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 Your question speaks volumes -- you are trying very hard to do what's best for your children, and are confronted with very difficult choices.
I rather doubt that most aunts/uncles here really appreciate your situation - I certainly don't. But my perspective is that your children need an active, involved, and caring parent present in their day-to-day lives, even if that means your family has less money to get by on. If your children are being raised by a grandparent who isn't really able to care for them well, does the money you're able to send from the UAE really make things better? Unless your going home to care for them puts them at risk of starvation, they're better off with you in their minute-to-minute lives. They may not have the best clothes or fancy food, but they will have a parent right there who cares in a deep and important way.
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female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich +, writes (30 January 2010):
 Hi,i am in the same position like you before. and i have a lots of friends suffering like you. The good thing with you is,when you go back to our country you still can work as a school teacher. for me is impossible because i work in hotel. and you know how complicated to find a job in our country specially in the hotel. I also have no body to look after my Children, They dont have their father because their father is already married to another woman. since they are young i try to survive for them. I have baby sitter who i choose very carefully which is not really easy, it was actually a horror. but i try my best to work on it. anyway to make it short I would suggest as a friend. Try to work at least maximum 1 year and try to save money or something that you can use as a capital for a bussiness and go back home for your children. if the husband is not anymore a help to the children then only the mother can do it. The advice of the anonymous up there is not bad. If the husband is not anymore help to you why suffer all your life? you dont deserve that. I just dont understand some of our filipinos, they just know how to give responsabilities but they dont know exactly how to handle it. Find a Man, who can help you. Its not bad to be realistic. you will make it and good luck..
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): I understand what you are going through. I am also a mother of 3 and my ex husband doesn't help me. You can't quit your job. My suggestion is that you divorce your husband and find a man on Internet dating to marry you. The older they are the better. Most of the ones over 60 have old children who left home and they just need some company, especially if they live in America or Canada, Germany, Holland or Scandinavia. Just find someone who will allow you to take your children with you. Don't shock him with wanting to bring them all at once. Bring the youngest, then a year later you tell him you want to bring the next one and so on. Maybe the girls first since they are most at risk. If you find a Scandinavian you can also go to school yourself for free and ofcourse your kids. At least you get to improve your education so that you can look after yourself better. I know this is a marriage of convenience, but if you are not happy with your husband then what are you staying for? Also, you can find genuine love on the Internet too. Try cupidmedia.com or many other sites for Filipino women. You don't have to be young; many of the older men are looking for women over 40 too. Good luck.
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