A
male
age
41-50,
*istersincer
writes:I am a 30 year old guy living in Manchester, UK who as recently split up with he’s 25 year old girlfriend (she left me on dec 18th 2009 and its now jan 29th 2010) after our lives were shattered by the lack of money due to our dependence on cannabis and my having to leave a job due to bullying (me being bullied by co workers). We lived together happily for 6 years and 2 months until on the 18th December when she came home to tell me that she can’t deal with the stress anymore of my heartlessness due to me being under so much stress, and left the next day.I had been quite forceful in my intentions for us to sort ourselves out, and insisted up until a month ago that she help me with the business as a way of getting straight and being able to spend more time together, as I have seen my own father struggle through the years, and missed so much time with my mother and brother and me, I swore that I wouldn’t let that be our fait, as I Love her so much. This was a tragedy, as we were truly in Love, but due to our circumstances I decided to try and start my own business in something I have never done before (web design) so that I could cover the cost of our habit and finally save up for a wedding ring I had chosen for her (which I begged her to help us stop to no avail due to me having panic attacks trying to hold everything together on my own). My plan had always been to ask her to marry me and had explained in tears that I wanted to be a better person for her as she was so special to me, before I asked her to marry me.This is where it gets complicated….Previously her lesbian sister had tried to split us up because of jealousy and prevented me from attending a famous footballers wedding with my then girlfriend (still inviting my girlfriend without me), as I had a problem with her openly mocking her own fathers heart attack with her mother at a family get together (father not present as mother had split due to being a lesbian). This happened while I watched my girlfriend crying hiding her tears while it was happening (this was a family do on my girlfriends mothers side of her family as her mother was a lesbian to and devorced from my girlfriends father for 15 years).Because of my protectiveness over my girlfriend and my own upset over the mocking as the doctors said I had saved her fathers life by acting so quick, I could not socialise with her mother and sister as I am a genuine person and could not look them in the eye, and wished that my girlfriend had of stud up to this ‘ugly sisters’ situation with her mother and sister herself.Back to my problem…..The final straw came for her, as I became very critical of everything and put her massively on edge, I had an argument with my parents who I love very much, but became very lonely as we didn’t speak over my 30th birthday and had to attend a night out with my girlfriends parents. Whilst on this night out as explained above, I felt extremely lonely as I didn’t want to socialise with her mother and sister who were sat at the table, due to my loyalty to my then girlfriends father who’s pub it was.Whilst at the pub, i was praying to win a HD tv in a raffel so i could sell it for presents for christmas but i was one number off! after this i put our money in a fruit machine and then felt even worse as i had no money on me to by drinks. this made me feel even worse about us spending so much money on smoking. and my heart nearly exploded with the shame. As a non drinker I went home that night after drinking and had an argument which resulted in my cold statements about how if things didn’t improve it would be over (which I would never say willingly without being under the pressures explained of trying to create a business out of nothing and pay mortgage for a house that was falling apart + cider as I am a celiac and cant drink beer!). I had pushed my beautiful girlfriend away by concentrating on what I had though was the solution to our problem (money) which I have only just achieved though this new business. She is now living with her not-a lesbian-anymore sister’s not-a-lesbian-anymore’s friend, which mutual friends of ours have show concern about as my ex is quite impressionable and I’m desperately trying to get her back!The reason I am going to the length of asking for help is that I don’t have any guy friends that can advise me (they normally come to me with matters of the heart and they all feel bad they can’t help) and don’t have any girl friends that aren’t friends of my ex girlfriends, and I believe in true Love, which I have unfortunately messed up.Since this as happened to me, I have had to move out of our old home of 6 years and returned to my parents box room. I have returned to being the person that I know she fell in Love with, as the person I became to deal with our desperate problems, has been fired. I spent all Christmas day looking for a film that describes my Love for this girl and managed to find (on a day when all the shops are shut), called What dreams May Come. I have also order her chocolates from her favourite shop in Netherlands and her favourite flowers, but feel as if I am just becoming an inconvenience to her attempts to get over me. I know there are always two side to a story and all that, but we were sole mates and i really want her back. Below are some videos of how crazy we were together: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uCQLNCQZ0p0Kind Regards,Andrewp.s. after 12 years of smoking, I have quit instantly in the hope that, if there is hope I can prove myself so that it might be possible to be together again (all my friends are truly shocked but thats how important she is).Yours in great need,Andrew
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bullied, christmas, co-worker, ex girlfriend, fell in love, flowers, jealous, lesbian, money, my ex, split up, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mistersincer +, writes (29 January 2010):
mistersincer is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice Gina. i have had someone say about counciling, but to be honest life is pain and as long as im still alive, i'll take it with the other feelings in life. I've always looked after myself and would say im a self made man so ive got to get over this myself.
My ex said when she left me that she was holding me back, but i only pushed myself for her and for us both, and in the end because i couldnt work fast enough, i was holding her to the same standards (which again, isnt the kind of guy i really am).
im pinning my hopes on fate as i truley believe we should be together and that we are solemates (for anyone who thinks this sounds a bit to sensitive of me, i never new what that ment till i met my ex). if i thought being away from her was the best for here, i gladly would. but i dont think thats the case.
The help im really looking for is that, if i have already made the textbook mistakes of telling her ive changed, straight after when she problably cant believe it, and sent all the heartfelt facebook messages i shouldnt have to make her feel uncomfortable and guilty, how can i put myself in a position where if she still loves me, she gets the chance for that to happen by meeting me for some reason?
I am still in touch with my best mate of 14 years whos girlfriend is her very best friend. she feels uncomfortable talking to me about anything to do with it but still sees my ex (not as much since we broke up). im asking her to coach me for a singing competition which she has agreed to do.
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