A
male
age
30-35,
*ndreC.
writes:Hey everyone,I'm the kind of guy that i don't care where my gf goes im in anohter country and i have been away from her for over a year. I'm back in 2 months but i don't think i can get passed this next obstacle. She wants to go to a Halloween party with her friends at a club and im the kind of guy that cant imagine my gf going to clubs without me because shes not single, this is just the person i am and i cant change this.I told her if she goes that i wont be able to stay in this relationship and i will leave her. What do you guys think? Do you think that i should just let it go or stand my ground? All i care about is clubs and i'm sure thats alot better then alot of bf's. I mean if i were with her i wouldnt care. Do you guys think im being stupid and that i should just let her go or that i have a right 2 stand my ground?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, AndreC. +, writes (27 October 2007):
AndreC. is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ya i guess most of u are right and thx for all the replies we talked it out and she decided not 2 go she said taht she loves me and doesnt want to lose me over this she said its just one night anywais so it doesnt matter she said shes not going 2 go because she said if it were her in my shoes shed feel the same so i think i have a pretty great gf and im back in less then 2months so even better thx again guys!
A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (26 October 2007):
 hi.
boy do you have a high opinion of yourself,if she takes any notice of you then she must be the dumbest person on the planet, i do not now why she is even with you, i have a better idea let her go any ware with anyone, let her get on with her life and you do not bother coming back, to any country and stay were you are and leave the poor girl alone.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (26 October 2007):
 It's always good to have time to yourselves in a relationship. If you control what she does, where she goes and who with, she's only going to grow to resent you.
I have a solid relationship with my boyfriend, we trust each other and trust me - girls night out at the club is the best night EVER. A fun time to go have fun, have a few drinks, laugh and dance...
If you don't trust her to not cheat while she's out with her friends, you clearly don't trust her at all and shouldn't be in this relationship anyways. Long distance can be tricky!!
There are my two cents, sweet thang.
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (26 October 2007):
 You're travelling to different countries! Wow ! Sounds so good. Hey - you've got it right. Life is for living.
I had a friend who wanted to travel for a year - she wanted to go the Far East and Indonesia - Bali in particular I recall. She was killed in a road accident about 4-5 weeks before due to leave. She was 22 I think. Pretty girl. Would have been better if she'd had a boyfriend like you who didn't let her go out - she'd still be alive.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): Why do you not want her go to this Halloween thing? Do you not trust her? If she is out with her friends then what is wrong with that? She is not your slave and you be able to let her do these things. I dont think it would be fair to stop her. To say you would finish with her if she goes then that is so unfair. Let her have her fun just because you dont like clubs doesnt mean that she has to stay in. Cut her some slack, every relationship needs some.
Talk to her if you have a trust issue, but personally i wouldnt be pleased if my bloke wouldnt let me do as i wished. Life is too short and you cannot dictate to her what to do.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (26 October 2007):
 I think that it might not be a good idea for you to tag along with her and her friends. As long as she saves some time for you and you did not make any plans with her, call up your guys friends and have some fun of your own and make plans to meet up with her after the party.
Compromise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007): telling people where they can and can't go is the start of a long and slippery slope towards splitsville believe me. You have to trust the person you're with; and that trust has to remain constant no matter where they are. Be it down a club, at work, even in the supermarket. If you're saying "I trust you going here, but I don't trust you going there" what on earth is the poor girl meant to think?
I'm sure she's capable of telling anyone who tries it on that she's got a man, and she'll be with her friends as well so I really don't see what the problem is. I take it she's never given you cause for concern before?
I'm sorry, but if I were given a ultimatum like that I'd end the relationship myself. However, I'm not her. She may decide to abide by your wishes, but she will definitely resent you for it, even if only a little; and even if she denies it. And it would be ammunition against you if you were to ever piss her off.
She may also lie and tell you she stayed in but really went out.
So I guess you have to ask yourself, do you want a girlfriend who resents you or lies to you? Or do you want a girlfriend who respects you because you trust her? Because controlling ultimatums will get you the first two, guaranteed. Only when the love and trust is there that you are happy to let them be with you, but let them be their own person too, will you get the third.
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