A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help. last few days i found a chat on my bf facebook with a woman he was dating four years ago. they were talking about meeting up again and all. How they had great relatonships with great love making. I really felt bad, jealous and betrayed. Well i confronted him and send her a facebook message saying i am his GF and doesn't like the way they spoke and all. That's when he found out that i knew his password. Well he promised it's all over, he won't do it again. He changed his password. I managed to get it. i read the email he wrote to the woman about me, that i just worked for him part time and there's nothing between us. He said to her just ignore me if i write back to her. she said i am nosey and who am i to write to her. she told him to find someone else to work for him and yeah they still talk. About how great their relationship were and what they gonna do when they meet up again. they still chat when i am away. i feel so hurt. this weekend we spend so much time together, we had great easter weekend, had loads of fun. he keeps saying he loves me. I don't know what i should really do. Do i have the right to confront him about these emails, i got copies of all the email send and received. Do i need to speak to him about this. please advice me, i need to know what i should really do. This is eating me.
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female
reader, mkimber  +, writes (19 April 2010):
I am kind of in the same boat. My bf told me to move out and that he needed "time alone to think", he was no longer happy with me, and then I found out he was cheating on me with his ex-wife! He is a liar, a cheat, like yours and I too am having the hardest time walking away. Mine keeps saying he needs to get help for his behavior, but I know he won't. He will not change. If these men truly loved us they wouldn't to anything deceitful and so disrespectful. Even though I am no longer technically living with mine, my stuff is all still there and we have a business together so it is hard to walk away. We need strength to leave these relationships, but I can relate with just how hard it is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2010): well, i am still with him. i can't leave him. i am tied up. but i have definitely given up on this relationship. I don't expect anything from him and when i confronted him about these emails, he said he was foolish and we made a promise that he won't do it and i won't snoop around him. Which i know he's not gonna keep them. I know him like the tips of my fingers. i know what he is capable of. He gonna hurt me again and again. I can't walk out of this relationship. All i get is hurt. Well was my Birthday on thursday and he made it an unforgettable on. but it's in my head i know what he does behind my back. I don't know what i should really do to go away.
It's so hard. I tried walking away millions time and i keep coming back to him or he does.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Please end this relationship NOW. The longer you stay with him, the more it's going to hurt when all of his cheating comes to light. You already know more than enough to end this relationship and there is no need to confront him about anything. Just go.
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A
female
reader, naieve1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
 I, too, had an encounter with my guy's fb chat and found out he was chatting with a girl that he cheated on me with this past summer...and although snooping around does expose the truth, it hurts you and not him as much. I'm glad you confronted him about it, good job there. But obviously this is still continuing behind your back even though he claims he still loves you.
I'm somewhat in the same situation as you...these chats kept eating me away inside and I kept wanting to find out things that were going behind closed doors, yet he puts this "front" that shows his affectionate and caring side towards me.
So, I thought to myself that I should stop doing the snooping, and I did for a month or two. Everything was perfect. But I recently "tested the waters" a bit and logged onto his FB, and found those conversations that I thought weren't happening. I don't want you to be living in denial, ignoring the fact that he's pursuing this chick while he's doing this and that in front of your face. He's living a double life.
So now you know what's going on and you have to decide what you're going to do about it. He does not seem trustworthy, especially since he changed his password once he found out that you were checking up on him...obviously he has many things to hide. Trust and faithfulness are extremely important to sustain a relationship, ask yourself if he has those qualities. You don't deserve a boyfriend who keeps you as a secret or puts you on the side while he chases after an ex behind your back.
But hey, I'm in the same boat as you, and it really is hard to leave. I'm gonna try take my own advice this time too, and I hope you get the strength to gain some self-pride and walk away from this mess because you deserve a lot better than that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): get rid off him he isnt worth it he is clearly up to something or he would have nothing to hide take the lead and dont let him sweet talk you round you can do better
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): If he is pursueing an old girlfriend behind your back. Lying to you by saying he isnt. And pretending to her that you are just the hired help, you cant just pretend it isnt happening. Disregard what he may say about loving you. Because im sorry but he doesnt love you. If he truely loved you he wouldnt behave like that in a million years. He would want to honour and cherish you. Not tell other women you work for him and to ignore you. Hes a liar. A cheat. And pretty heartless. You could try and fight for him. But is he much of a prize? I dont think so. I dont know you. But im as sure as i can be that you deserve a decent honest boyfriend that loves you and wouldnt do anything to hurt you. If i were you. I would dump him and leave yourself free to find a much better guy.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (6 April 2010):
 I'm not saying I approve of your methods, but the cat's already out of the bag so w/e. As soon as you read the email with him lying about your relationship, you should have been gone. He is not going to change and you see that he is perfectly fine with lying his face off.Tell him the relationship is over and you're leaving. When he asks why, give him copies of the emails as proof. Then stay gone and leave him and his cheating self be.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 Oh sweetheart,I am afraid yr bf. is a desperate case. It's not that you don' t have the right to confront him- it's that it won't work.You already gave him his chance to clean up his act and he did not. you confronted him, he said it won't happen again,then he changed his password and did it again. You 'll confront him again, he'll just chose a third password and happily continue his shenanigans. Maybe this time, if u interfere again, he'll say to his lady correspondent : oh don't worry, don't mind her, she's just my old crazy cleaning lady, she's a wonderful housekeeper but she suffers from mental breakdowns.Personally , I am all for giving people a second chance. But a SECOND, not a third,a fourth,etc. You've got to draw the line at some point, don't u think ?
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