A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am going to a one off gig that my favourite band are doing in a few weeks, and its the day after my boyfriends birthday. i will be away on his birthday as this concert is no where near where we live. he is saying i think the concert is more important than him, and he has finished with me because of it, because, according to him, i cant get my priorities straight, even though i told him i would see him a day or two before his birthday, and i said he is selfish for not wanting me to do other things that i enjoy, and that i couldnt help what date it was on. i really want to go as its a one off gig, and it is this bands final tour. i do care about him and tried to solve everything as best i could.i even said i would send him a message and phone him on the day, which i know isnt the same as seeing him, but it would still show that i am thinking about him. am i in the wrong or is he ?. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 Alright, I stand corrected. You informed him and at first he said ok, and then changed his mind. But when you say that one reason for you going to this gig is your on and off relationship, what do you mean? Were you on a break/not together at the time you made the plans to go to the gig?
Your relationship is very off and on if he decides to end things because of this... He seems a bit unstable. It is just so odd, the dimensions here. First he wants to loose virginities together (thought of as a rather big deal), and then gets upset and breaks up the relationship entirely. It seems with this man it is all or nothing. But the fact that he forgot about your birthday doesn't really have a place in here, at least he tried to remember but honestly forgot, and came to you a few days before.
So he planned that you should have sex.. how does that make you feel?
Maybe you are not wrong in this case, but are in the wrong relationship?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): also, he FORGOT when my birthday was this year, and came to it a few days before, not on the actual day.
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A
female
reader, Morrissey-fan +, writes (5 September 2010):
Take him on a really big romantic sexy night out for a meal etc as soon as you get back to make up for it!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): The gig is more important than him. He is better off without you, I'm afraid.
I don't care if its a one off- nothing should be more important that your bf- unless it was a family member dying or seriously ill or something of that magnitude. A gig? Really? He did the right thing by ending things with you.
Show him he was wrong by cancelling the gig and doing something special for his b'day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Ok, just to clarify, he had known about this for months, and at first he said he was ok with it. secondly, we have had an on off relationship, and thirdly, he doesnt like this band, and doesnt like to go out at all actually. i told him itried to compromise, to see him before the gig and then go to the gig, so we could both be happy, and he said he is ok with it, since i posted this, but i dont know if he will change his mind again. another thing is, he wants us to lose our virginity together for his birthday !. he only told me that after i posted this. he feels that i should make it up to him. he has mentioned us having sex before though, but we havent yet.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (4 September 2010):
Why didn't you take him with you for the gig as a birthday gift to him?
I think both of you are somewhat wrong in this. What you want to do is totally up to you, just because you date him doesn't mean he gets to decide what you do, even if it is his birthday. But, as his girlfriend, you should show him your love for him on this day, and it is a common conception that the birthday child gets 100% of everyones attention on this day. Which, yes, could be a bit childish, but we have been raised to believe this is right.
Anyway, the entire matter could have been solved without turning into a problem. Once you realized the dates of the gig, you should have called up your boyfriend and talked it over with him, and asked him if it was alright that you went. I think then he would have probably said that of course you should go! I don't think your boyfriend is selfish, but it looks like you made this decision without including him, and it had made him upset. Perhaps he was already planning what you and him should do for his birthday. Communication is the key. I feel that perhaps lack of communication is what caused this problem.
Yes you are right to go to a gig that you only have this one shot at seeing, and quite often people celebrate their birthdays some days after the actual day, out of convenience. So you and him could have easily celebrated later. But, I have a feeling you made this decision without him, and without including him in your plans, and without checking with him first if this was ok. You made a decision over his head, and that would make anyone upset.
Had you asked him first, he would have felt like top priority (given that you would have actually been willing to give up the gig to be with him on his day), and would have been very likely to tell you you should go to the concert. Once his opinion wasn't asked for, he knows he is further down your list of priorities.
If you want to salvage this, ask for forgiveness, and possibly cancel the trip to the gig. If he is a decent guy who genuinely cares for you, he will want you to be happy. So don't count on it, but if he accepts your apology then he might tell you to go to the gig.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (4 September 2010):
Hi,
Why dont you take him with you?
Its HIS birthday. Most people want to be spoilt by a loved one on thier Birthday.
Think how you would feel if he did that to you on yr B'Day
Sorry but I feel that you are in the wrong here
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