A
male
age
30-35,
*ieHard88
writes:So, here's the situation: there's a girl I've known about 8 eights that I've just received starting seeing as more than a friend. I met her at church about 8 years ago and we weren't especially close then. She went off to school and I saw her very rarely after that. About 5 years ago, she got married and had a child about a year ago. In the last year, her marriage fell apart and she started coming back to church and we reconnected and started a genuine friendship for the first time since we've known each other. This began about five months ago. I wasn't sure that she was interested in me because the girls I've asked out generally are not, but it started to feel like she was coming onto me and wanting to hang out one-on-one, which we did several times in the last month.During one of our last conversations, she essentially told me her entire life story about how her marriage went south. She then proceeded to tell me about a concert she went to a month ago where she met a guy who travels with the band (sound guy, rodey, or something) and they hit it off really well and started texting back and forth. He lives in Nashville but he flew out a few weeks later just to see her and they started a relationship. She told me that he is pretty much everything she is looking for in a relationship, but she is behaving a little bipolar because of her doubts about pursuing a long-distance relationship with a guy she barely knows. She is currently flying out to see him and meet his family, and this will literally be the third time they have actually been together face-to-face!Evidently she's tried on a few occasions to break up the relationship due to impracticality, but the guy has talked her into staying with him. He claims he intends to move out to California within the first 6 months to be able to pursue the relationship full time, and she says she believes he is serious about doing so.After she told me this, I had no intention of telling her my feelings for her for the time being, but she outright asked me if I was interested in her and I admitted that I was. She said if things ever changed that she would be willing to go out with me. She also said any girl who has turned me down before is blind if she cannot see what a wonderful Godly man I am. So, there's a lot there and I'm sure it sounds complicated, but any advice about how I should pursue this or if I have a realistic chance would be most helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2017): She has essentially told you she's seeing someone. You didn't mention if she is legally-separated or divorced from her husband; only that her marriage went south. Possibly due to her unsound judgement and impetuous nature.
She's got a 1 year-old child, meets up with some rocker dude she hardly knows, plans to fly out to see the rocker dude in Nashville, and she's already flirting with you.
Don't be so naive. She's searching for financial-security as far as you're concerned. You're her backup plan just in-case the slacker rocker dude situation falls through. Chances are, she'll stay in-touch with him. Probably end-up pregnant again, if the one she has isn't his to begin with; and you'll end-up heart-broken.
I see a train-wreck about to happen. Get off the tracks, man!
A
male
reader, DieHard88 +, writes (31 January 2017):
DieHard88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your honesty. Seeing this in writing, I realize I may have been premature in thinking this would work out. I guess I was so eager for someone to see me that way that I was willing to ignore the lack of compatibility we would probably have as a couple. If her situation changes, I may reconsider, but for now I will most likely not pursue this.
If anyone feels I should do otherwise, let me know.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 January 2017):
 So let's see. She has a one year old child, her marriage just broke up (you haven't mentioned that she's divorced but I'm assuming she is legally out of it), and she's perfectly fine with going to meet a guy she barely knows to pursue a relationship! All this with a small child on the scene and this is how she chooses to conduct herself!
And you want to be with this woman who makes such great decisions and is the epitome of maturity?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 January 2017):
 First off, let me just ask what on earth this is supposed to mean: "she is behaving a little bipolar"
Do you know that bipolar personality disorder is not something you "behave a little like", it's a mental disorder you either have or you don't. Is she bipolar? If yes, then my advice is to stay well clear of her. This is just because this particular personality disorder is extremely difficult to deal with in relationships, unless the person is medicated. Which they naturally don't want to be, as it dulls them and makes them lose all sense of personality and self.
If she just used it as a way to express that she is ambivalent towards this new boyfriends of hers, then I hope you can inform her on how to express herself more correctly in the future and that you yourself stop using mental illness as a way to describe perfectly normal thought processes. You never "behave a little bipolar". That's just as insane an expression as saying you "behave a little suicidal". Sheez.
Now, after my rant on this is done, here is what you do about this girl: get over her. She's not interested in any more than to fill her newly divorced basket with options. She doesn't want you, she just wants you to linger around so that she has back-up in case things don't work out with this other guy. It's this other guy she actually wants. Why else would she fly out to meet him? No one is forcing her. If she's feeding you stories about how she tries to end things, but he "convinces her" to stay... Don't believe it. That might be what she is telling herself. But she is an adult, not a child. If she doesn't want to be with someone, she will not be with someone. It's that simple.
I honestly think she's just scared of being alone because she is recently divorced, and I don't think she's ready to be in a relationship with anyone at all.
If you want her, ad want a meaningful relationship and not just be a rebound or a friends with benefits, then you need to wait at least a year. She's not going to be ready until then.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (31 January 2017):
 IF Rodney moves to California . . . IF they split up . . . Too many ifs - IF you get what I mean, ha ha.
Sounds like she really likes you - and another IF: if you had made a move earlier, Rodney would not be in the picture - but she is currently seeing someone else.
Are you comfortable being friends with her while she explores this new relationship or is it going to hurt you, knowing you want to be with her but she is with someone else?
Sounds like she is keeping you in reserve in case the current relationship fails. If she had really strong feelings for you, she would have explored those before getting involved in a LDR with someone she hardly knew.
There is no telling whether this new relationship will last long or not. My own suspicion is it won't because there is not even any telling Rodney will move to California. Promising to uproot your whole life is one thing, actually doing it is another.
Regardless, you need to decide what YOU want. As you are obviously very committed to your church - and this lady sounds like she only drifts back when she is in need of support - perhaps you need to look towards ladies who are as committed as you are.
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