A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, this is going to be long, so bear with me. Its not a relationship question, more of a mental state question.I have never given much thought to this, but recently due to the change in my lifestyle the problem has become apparent.I have got some unjustified need to think "bad" thoughts to make myself upset. When I was younger I used to imagine that my grandfather would die, this went on for a few years, and my grandfather did die (he wasn't that old - 64!), I blamed myself to some extent for bringing this upon him but never told anyone about this. I would think of him dying in different circumstances (nothing extraordinary, just heart attack or something natural) and would cry myself to sleep. Then when I got together with my first boyfriend I would think extensively about things he's done with ex girlfriend (like sex, or that he loved her more), imagined that he would cheat on me, that sort of thing. It drove me crazy and we argued quite a bit, he thought I was overreacting thinking about his past.We then broke up and I took a break from uni and worked for a year, during that year I had a very stressful job and I didn't have much time for my "hobby" ie imagining bad things. But it still did occur occasionally, and I would cry myself to sleep. I got together with my current boyfriend during that year and occasionally I would over think and analyse his behaviour and make myself think that he would cheat on me.The interesting thing is that I do not actually believe that my boyfriend will cheat on me, he has no reason to do so and I am a perfect girlfriend. It was the same with my first boyfriend. And still, I had the need to imagine that they both would cheat on me, also with my first boyfriend towards the end of our relationship I imagined him dying too. In my mind I did not want them to die (ex bf and grandfather), it would just happen and I would feel so much pain and the sense of loss felt so real, and I would cry and go to their funeral. And then I would just forget about this for a while and when a new urge for crying comes I imagine new scenario. Now I am back to university and although I do have a lot of things going on, I am in my last year of studies, and I do sports and singing in a choir as well and dissertation I am pretty busy, but my "imagination problem" has gotten worse since ive left work, I am not as stressed anymore and my mind is not as occupied and my mind keeps on wandering and it is hard to make myself concentrate on studying, weird imaginary problems keep on popping in my mind. I know I am not crazy, but I guess something is wrong with me, its not healthy to make yourself cry on a regular basis and imagine people who you love dying or cheating on you.Maybe I have over active imagination? Why do I have to feel bad? Why do I have to make myself cry?I am learning how to play chess and also want to start drawing there are plenty of things that are going on in my life, but seems like I still have this need that makes me feel so depressed... Has anyone had any similar/ish experiences, I would like to get some feedback before deciding that I really need to see a therapist.Any thoughts appeciated, thanks.
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a break, broke up, depressed, ex girlfriend, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thank you so much for your insights. I have decided to go and see the therapist anyway. I am in my happy state now, but I know the next mood swing is just around the corner as I can never stay happy for more than a couple of weeks, and im dreading getting another one as the last one was quite bad, all i could do was have my horrible thoughts and i slept slept slept, it just put my life on hold. So yep, im going to see a therapist, i am really hoping it will help.
Thanks x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): i once had a boyfriend who was like you and eventualy i had to end it,he knew he had a problem yet he would not consider outside help,8yrs on and i still see him around and his situation has not changed,guess thats why he`s still single and lonely.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is - I know he is not cheating, in a way I want to think that he is so that I can feel sorry for myself if this makes any sense?
Meditation could be a good idea, Il have to read up on how to do it properly, as it is hard for me to get away from my "negative" thoughts and not to think about anything at all...
Thanks
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A
female
reader, 14Luv  +, writes (5 November 2008):
 I wouldn't exactly label you a sociopath but yes, you would definitely benefit from seeing a therapist. Something you've experienced leads you to believe you deserve or need to feel this way. The best equipped to help you handle this would be a therapist. Not everyone who experiences this is bothered by it because they don't recognize it. The fact that you realize the problem is there shows strong intelligence on your part. Unfortunately, the flip side of that is if you don't address it, it will only become increasingly annoying. It will keep you from being truly happy and reaching your full potential.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): I always think my boyfriend is making plans to leave me. I developed some abandonment issues from how I grew up, and no matter what my boyfriend tells me, I always fear that he is making plans to move in with his sister or to look for another girlfriend.
Did your parents cheat on each other or anything? I don't think your obsessive thoughts are uncommon, but I do think they are unhealthy. Meditation can help. Try not to imagine the worst possible scenario. When you catch yourself suspecting him of cheating, think of as many other possibilities as you can, and decide which one is the most probable. Try to look at objective facts.
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