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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is not a bright person. When we watch movies for example I usually have to explain what is going on in the movie several times, even though he has been watching in silence. He says he has trouble following plots. Can someone have a lasting relationship with someone who isn't that bright? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2005): I am currently experiencing the challenges of this issue firsthand. I am highly educated while my partner didnt finish highschool but excels in his trade. The problems I find I face are he is indifferent to the things I am passionate about. So, I have come to realise that we all need equals, otherwise we run the risk of becoming drained by our partner's lack of the intelect we crave.
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reader, Nomaqhwa +, writes (21 June 2005):
Those who have advised you to find balance or to discover other talents from your boyfriend are quite right,yet if there are no talants and striking a balance is not possible, you might consider getting out of the relationship. I speak from experience and I know that someone who does not match your intellect can be as heavy on your shoulder as having a toddler to look after. I consider myself reasonably smart and intellect is one of the qualities I look for in a man. Once I compromised this quality and it did not work! With a less intelligent man, you simply find yourself like some kind of chatterbox that has a lot to say next to someone who you even doubt gets what you are on about. Then they feel stupid and uncomfortable and because you care you limit conversation and or bring it down to their level. At the end you get bored, burdened,unstimulated, unchallenged at conversation level and other aspects.Let's face it conversation is a first level of communication, I cannot have great sex (which is a deeper level of communication) if I cannot have good conversation with a guy!
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reader, Caribgal +, writes (9 June 2005):
Why would you say that he is not bright? Here's an analogy; if you are good in accounts and he can sell a shirt off of his back you can have the perfect business but if you both could only sell or do accounts your business would flop. Balance. You have to find balance. Analyze his strengths and your weaknesses vice versa and figure out how you can balance each other. You have the perfect relationship. Make sure not to be an intellectual pushover.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2005): I can't follow plots either, and apparently I have quite a high IQ!! The reason for me is that I am autistic, a condition you often hear about in kids but not so much in adults, I'm 27. Sometimes it can be hard to concentrate, especially with even small distractions, or understanding things clearly. I have trouble with plots in books and films.A lot of autistic adults are not officially dignosed, so bear with him, he might be the same! Don't assume he isn't that bright, often people like this are very talented in other areas.
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reader, clare_bear +, writes (3 June 2005):
My ex is a total dimwit and we never really were on the same wavelength. My boyfriend is on a par with me and we get on really really well. The conversation is never boring and neither of us ever has to entertain the other. The only thing is, his spelling is better than mine and he ALWAYS comments on it. But we never argue about it. It's always just for a laugh!! I think this is one thing you'll have to make your own mind up about
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2005): You can have a relationship with a less intellectual person. It could be a concentration issue.
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reader, Cutie_Mish +, writes (3 June 2005):
Of course! Anything is possible, unless you don't have a lot of patience it might be a bit of a problem, because you might get irritated easily when he doesn't understand something. But if you love him and he loves you, I'm sure you can work things out bit by bit; in fact you could love the fact that he is a bit dopey! My ex did!! We stayed together for 20 months and I'm not very bright at all!! And to me it was a long time to keep a boyfriend for I'm 16 at the moment (and we split up a month and few weeks ago).Hope you can see that because your boyfriend isn't very bright it doesn't mean that your love won't last. xXx
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reader, annabelle_me +, writes (2 June 2005):
Everyone is bright in their own way, maybe he's better at fixing stuff then you are. Does that mean he thinks you're dumb? Of course not. Maybe the movies you are seeing together don't interest him so he lets his mind wonder not focusing on the plot. Try doing some of his interests maybe you'll see how bright he really is.
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