A
male
age
41-50,
*nonymus2012
writes:So here I am one more time asking for advice, so far it has work great the last times.Long story short, Im 34, she is 21, I live in North America, She lives in west Europe, we meet thru friends and have been dating for about three months, she was staying with me at my place and then she moved back to her country for school, I recently went to see her for a few days and everything was perfect, with out a doubt we love so much each other and the age gap is not big deal is not problem for her...however....Im not sure if this will work out.In order to see her every 2 months i had to set aside my career pursue in order to work as contractor (was my second income, now is my first) so i can get better money and the flexibility of taking days off whenever i want in order to see her, I will be flying ovet to see her aprox every month and a half and two months depending meeting the end of the construction contract i get. I have a lot of work, so afford the trips should be not be a big issue, but Im not a wealthy guy and i will be spending a lot of money on each trip just to see her. She can not afford to travel, she will be in school in a few weeks and is not currently working. but Im ok with it.what is concerning me is this, We have been talking about the fact that at some point she will have to relocate to North America (maybe in one year)because of my lack of the lenguage where she is from. it would be impossible for me to get any job where she is. I just dont see myself there.Here is where it gets complicated. If she agrees to move in with me in one year she will have to put on hold her studies at her country, according to the immigration law where im from we have to be living together for at least one year in order to sponsor her and the process of the sponsorship takes aprox. 1 year. ( that means she will have to put on hold her studies for two years, then she can enroll in college here...) Im not sure if she is willing to do that.Me: Im putting on hold my career for one year in order to have some money to cover the expenses for traveling and to have the time to do so. once we are together i can start looking for the job i love.I told her that regardless of how much i love her im not willing to keep a ldr for 3 years, (I believe the emotional roller coaster im into and the financial cost i think is not worth it.) so i told her that if that is what she wants so then we should just remain good friends. She said no.I agree is too soon to talk about this things, we dont know how things are going to work out, but i have to be sure we look in the same direction. otherwise is just a waste of time.She has no money, so basically Im the one who carries all the financial baggage in this relationship and dont get me wrong, she is totally worth it but lets be honest Im a little bit insecure, she will be in college, so there is the possibility that she could meet somebody and then dump me and then i would never forgive myself to sacrife a lot of things trying to make this relationship work.we are going to next month,( i recently travelled to see her) we will go out for holidays a few days and then she will be back to Europe and then i will see her again in November and so on.I belive I have a couple of options, I can give all the best of me and wait until next year and then talk about she moving with me. If she doesnt want that then break up. or just break up now for good and keep the good memories? What do you think? This is seriosluy driving me crazy, Do I have a third choice?? I dont want to waste my time, emotions, efforts and money. I love her very much but Im aware that this is just too much to bet. Please!! I need your advice!!!!
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male
reader, anonymus2012 +, writes (25 August 2012):
anonymus2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI talked yesterday with her and we are fine, she told me she was upset because i should have spoken before. =) I had to tell her all the things im doing in order to be with her. she told that when the time comes she will consider to move in and she doesnt want to break up. so Im happy and relieved. Thank you for your adivice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2012): 3 months is short time to be dating with someone who is overseas.those changes are not easy.. arent impossile eathier. she is very young also...think twice. Give yourself more time.
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